The Devirgination Vacation

The much needed update. The title is for Abbie. It's all her fault I even thought of calling this blog post that. Anyway, back on point.

Finished school and finals, like an absolute crazy person, and was all moved out and packed out of my apartment and driving home at 7 am Wednesday morning. Needless to say, I was pretty much a zombie. I ran a bunch of errands with my mom, picking up/out odds and ends for decorating and getting the flowers and such. And of course the manicure/pedicure! So relaxing and much needed! Dan got to my house later that night and we got a few things together before hitting the sack.

We had to be up by 4 and out the door by 430 on Thursday to be out in south Gilbert to take bridals/wedding pictures. I didn't want to take a million pictures the day of the wedding around the temple and stuff so we did all of it the day before. Now, when I don't get enough sleep I'm super hyper and usually in a pretty good mood, so picture taking was so fun! And my photographer (BrieAnna, Four Six photography--totally recommend her! She's awesome and so fun and talented!!) was absolutely hilarious. She even had a mountain dew for me!

The first place we started at was with a horse in an alfalfa field at literally the crack of dawn. The guy whose property it was thought we were getting married that day (small lie...doesn't hurt anyone right?) and that BrieAnna and I were sisters. Too funny. But anyway he was way chill and let us take pictures with his horse Jack, who was gorgeous! Side note: I was honestly slightly terrified of Jack. Mostly because he's HUGE and because if anything should go wrong, well I can't exactly out run a horse and especially not in a freaking wedding dress! But the pictures came out beautiful.

Then we went just around the corner to a fancy shmancy custom homes development. The back fence wasn't quite finished so we walked in and there's a grove of trees that were all in rows and it was pretty much beautiful! Especially for Arizona!

We went to the front of the development and the little office type thing that would have a security guard or something in it was so awesome!!

Then it was off to the temple and we took some more there and then headed to Denny's for breakfast afterwards.

We went back to my house and started setting up the tables and chairs for the reception. I was seriously so excited and relieved that it was almost over. Then maybe life wouldn't be so crazy anymore.

Friday morning, I woke up around 6, took a shower and blow dried my hair then headed out to get my hair done at 745. The lady that did my hair said she was so surprised I was on time because most brides are like a half hour late and they expect to still leave on time. Well I told her I didn't have time to be late so I made sure I was on time, haha. Then my parents and I headed out to the temple to be there by 1015.

We walked in and sat in a little waiting room waiting for Dan to get there. We had gotten there probably 10 minutes early, but he was 20 minutes late!! I was getting progressively more and more upset as the minutes ticked by. Eventually he came around the corner and I was so happy he was there but so peeved that he was late at the same time--a very complicated emotional time. Anyway, everything went great and we were both grinning from ear to ear. The sealing was absolutely wonderful! Everyone there was smiling, though I'm sure none of them were as happy as Dan and I were. As we walked out, I felt like I could finally breathe. We'd made it. We'd finally made it. Granted we have a LONG road ahead of us, but we'd made it to the most important moment of our lives up to that point. It took 3 tries to actually walk out of the temple doors, but we walked out, and took a huge group picture and then headed over to the luncheon.

It was so fun to see all our friends that had come to Phoenix to be there for us and support us. After the luncheon we headed back to the hotel and killed probably 3 hours and took a nap! Seriously, no sleep in the last week and it was killing us!! The reception was absolutely beautiful and it was perfect. There wasn't anything I would have changed. I danced with my daddy, and then my husband, and then through the bouquet. Then all of us (our group of friends) were all dancing to the different songs that were playing. It was so fun. We left for the hotel that night through a tunnel of SPARKLERS!!! I can't wait to see what those pictures turned out like! We left, then realized we didn't have any food so we drove around the corner and back to my house, grabbed some food, and then left.

The night was ours. And it was beautiful, and absolutely worth waiting for.

The next day, we went back to my house for brunch, opened up all our presents, separated what we were keeping and returns, then packed up the car and headed down to Sierra Vista. Well the Phoenix reception went off pretty well, not too many problems, but let's just say Sierra Vista just went not as planned. As soon as everyone was there, it was totally fine, but we left a little late, and then my parents left even later and then got stuck behind an accident!! Dan and I both felt sick after we got there and its probably because we hadn't eaten an honest meal in 3 days, but you do what you've gotta do.

So we showed up to the reception 5 minutes before it started and so did my parents. So that worked out conveniently. The food was absolutely delicious! Teriyaki sticks, kalua pig and rice. So delicious. We danced to the Hawaiian wedding song, which was beautiful. I met so many people who kept telling me what a great guy he is, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who thinks so! His auntie danced the hula for us, and seriously I cannot move my hips that well at all. Like it's practically a sin how well she can move!

There were more friends that came to the Sierra Vista reception and it was so great to see them too! We took lots of pictures and it made me sad just because we're all going separate ways. After being together for two years, we're moving on and in different directions. They're the friends that you hope so desperately you stay friends with forever. They're that awesome and that special. We've already planned a 5 year reunion back in good ole Thatcher. Hopefully that works out.

Saturday night we stayed in Bisbee at the Copper Queen Hotel. Seriously old hotel, but super cool. We had breakfast the next morning there and then drove around Bisbee for a few minutes, got quite a siteful of the hippies, and then headed back to Sierra Vista and opened all our presents, ate some more lunch/breakfast.

We left Sierra Vista and headed off on the long road to Texas. We stayed in Van Horn over night then headed out to Austin. Oh and side note for anyone traveling to Texas, they're 2 hours ahead. Yeah, so we got in around 1 am. This time zone thing is still throwing me a little bit and I have to be careful when I text my sister or call my mom and make sure its not 6 am or something crazy like that!

Anyway, we made it to Texas on Monday and then found out we didn't have furniture. Well it's okay for the first night right? Try the first four nights. I was pissed. Then we finally got furniture and our apartment actually felt like home. And so far, things are great. Definitely getting a job though. I get way too bored just hanging out all day long!

But I love it. It's absolutely beautiful. It's so green and lush and there's actually trees! The humidity isn't too bad either. And basically, I love being married!!

alksdjf;alksdj

Blah...I'm feeling not so bueno and I don't really want to do too much of anything. Okay I don't want to do anything. Period. I'm sick and tired of doing all the things that I have to do-like write a patho paper, do my homework, study for tests, pack up my apartment. I really just want these next 2 weeks to be over because then I am done and headed out to Texas! I don't know why I feel like everything is going to get so much easier, but I just feel like once this is over, I don't know...maybe I won't be such a crazy person anymore. I just don't want to do anything! It's horrible.

And to top it all off, it is so hard. Especially to try and be happy and be good. All the freaking time. It's so bloody hard and I just wish sometimes it would let up. We fight about the stupidest things and it's not even worth it. I'm sick and tired of dealing with school and the stress of a wedding and the stress of life all at the same time. I'm so done being an absolute b on birth control. If I wasn't so terrified of having an accident baby, I would probably quit taking it.

Oh and Dan decided he wants to do something else, not physical therapy, which, don't get me wrong, that's totally fine by me! I want him to do something that he absolutely loves because he's going to be doing it for the next 40 years or so. I hate that I have to be the biggest fan all the time though and the cheerleader to rally him and keep going. That sounds bad too. I just mean that I wish I wasn't the only one who would support him in his decisions. I hate being the only one. I hate having to be the rock that stays strong when I feel like I'm about ready to fall apart all the time.

That's another thing, I hate feeling like I'm not in control of my life. I seriously feel sometimes like I can't keep myself together or keep myself from falling apart. I saw this great quote over spring break and it said something to the effect of happiness being a choice. I'm trying really hard to live that, and some days it works, other days, not so much. Today is one of those not so much days. It's been a roller coaster. I started out in a grumpy mood, was in a happy mood at institute, then just ticked at devotional, finally pulling it together at the end and now I just don't know what I am. I'm a freaking one woman circus. I'm all over the place.

Let's add just one more thing. As of late, peach has not been too bad. We're pleasantly cordial, and that's more than I can ask. Today though, I'm just so sick of seeing peach all the time. It just makes me sick. I can't wait to get out of this town and delete them on facebook. (I know that sounds super petty, but really...that's what I feel like).

I know I'll miss it and all the great memories and friends I've made here, but right now, I just can't wait to get out. I can't wait to go through the temple and for everything to finally be real. To not have to worry about making it to the temple, but instead to worry about other things...things that we're completely in together. I swear these next couple weeks are going to DRAG ON FOREVER. Maybe I'll grow up, and pull my chin up and enjoy them. After all, this is the last time for a long time that we're probably going to be together. I shouldn't waste it.

CHECK IT OFF THE LIST

YESSIREE!! I FINALLY DID IT! I registered for classes at BYU. Seriously, I've been putting it off forever and mostly because I didn't want to and I couldn't figure out their dang website! I was cursing BYU for the last week and a half because their registration website is so anti-user friendly. It's awful. Like, they should probably consider writing an instruction manual to navigate it. Don't worry though, I figured it out. And now I'm all registered. Hollaaa!!

So...back when I said I was cursing BYU, I wasn't joking. Haha I told my parents this weekend that in retaliation, I was going to walk around campus in a University of Utah shirt.

They think it's quite possibly suicide. I like to live life dangerously. Bahaha.

So I met with Bishop today and now have a legit temple recommend!! Oh snap! Now it's just on to the stake president's interview and then to the temple!! Wahoo I'm soo excited!

Oh and Abbie finally came home from a forever long weekend!! We even had a welcome home party for her and we each had cute little signs with nice things written on them about her. Pretty much, she was scared to death and the look on her face was hilarious when we all yelled surprise as she opened the door. HIL-A-RI-OUS!

ANDDDD...on and even GREATER note: Dan got new glasses today. Let's just say he looks HOT. Oh man! Good thing we're getting married.

Collectively...we're pretty experienced

Three things in mind today...I'll give you short preview so you don't have to read the whole thing. 1. Abbie came home Friday freaking out about hcg. 2. my roommates and I had an interesting conversation about sex. 3. Dan is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Abbie came home freaking out about hcg on Friday after her biology class. She's practically in a panic that she could potentially not have children because hcg can shut down your repo system. It was seriously hilarious because I was just waiting for something to come out saying that hcg was bad for you in some way, because in reality, anything that is that great and that much of a miracle weight loss drug...there has to be some sort of negative effect. Anyway, off my soap box, it was hilarious.

Sunday night, Nicole made the comment that Hope and Jodi told her to never get glow in the dark condoms because "then you see it coming at you swinging." Anyway, needless to say, the rest of the conversation was pretty freaking hilarious. It went all over the place...and it was so funny. We ended up sharing little bits of advice we've heard about what to do or not to do. Collectively...you'd think we're all pretty experienced.

So lastly, and I'm sorry if you don't want to read lovey dovey stuff...you should probably stop now and call this reading done. I love Dan. He was made for me. Yesterday was just not a good day, and I could blame it on a lot of things (namely birth control, $$ stress, and just general wedding planning stress) but that's not the point. The point is I was at my breaking point. I got a phone call from my mom. She told me my dress had gotten shipped to the wrong address, so they were making a new one and it wouldn't make it on time for my wedding. (Shit). Then she told me she was getting it made by someone else and it would be at my house by the end of the month. It was the point that it spilled over. I've been looking forward to trying it on for at least a couple of days now. I just started crying in the institute. I didn't even know what to do, because every little thing I cried harder. Dan finished filling out his home teaching reports and we came back to my apartment. He wanted to watch Tangled, so we popped some popcorn, put the movie in my computer, watched it on my bed. Now this is just one reaffirmation that he was made for me. He watched the movie and I just snuggled up next to him and fell asleep. We didn't have to talk about why I am an emotional wreck and crying all the time, he just loves me anyway and lets me sleep.

As much as he'd probably like to know exactly what I'm feeling, sometimes you just can't talk about it. It's not that you don't want to, you just can't. Maybe I'm crazy and the only one that feels that way. But I love him.

Its funny, we actually got in a fight today about something dumb (well it seems super dumb now) but he was pretty peeved at me for throwing water at him before he went to class. So it was all of this back and forth and blows below the belt, but I realized that I'm getting married to the most amazing person that I've ever met in 31 days. And forgive me for going all gospel right now, but Satan's going to do everything to prevent that. So SCREW YOU SATAN!! I'm walking out of the temple doors on May 13th and there's nothing he can do to prevent that. This is my choice. And it's for forever.

Mono. H.

I think it's back for round 2. GRRRRRREAT. Either that or the birth control makes me super tired all the time...particularly in the mornings. So as per my mother's orders...I'm on a strick 1030 curfew. Let's just say that last night it failed epically. I think it was 1145 when Dan actually left. So it's a work in progress.

My mom also said to exercise and so I went and worked out with Dan this morning....wow. I'm pretty sure I don't have the use of my legs right now. Oh well...hopefully they'll start to look good again. That would be nice.

And to add insult to injury, I got lit up like a roman candle yesterday after I went tanning. Holy crap my whole body just itches like crazy, but not the big ones, just the little annoying ones. But as soon as I scratch, my whole back just lights up and burns and itches. It sucks. Oh the price to be tan.

One more thing...I have a cancker sore on the inside of my lip! Seriously...my face is finally cleared up and now I've got all of this. Haha it could be worse right? Stress...it's great. Don't recommend it.

So last night was so fun. Egyptian ratscrew and Scum. Hilarious. I have the best friends. Not to mention that Raegan and Abbie were in a crazy mood yesterday (I'm having some serious deja vu right now) so everything was hilarious. And Jacie made no bake cookies. Man I forgot how good those are.

Anyway, life is grand. Can't complain too much about anything. Well I guess I could, but it would be severely pointless. You know, at one point I had a topic of interest to write about for this blog. But alas, it has escaped me. Oh well.

One more thing...yesterday the Baptists came by and were knocking on our door. Well Abbie and Rustin both didn't want to answer it, so I did. Well, let's just say I'm never answering the door again. Okay, it wasn't really that bad at all, but it was super funny, kind of awkward. They told me they were from the New Testament church and asked if I attended church regularly. I said yes. They asked which one. Cheerfully, I said oh that LDS church right there (across the canal). TURNING POINT OF CONVERSATION. The man looked at me and said well that's lovely. Can I leave you with a scripture? Of course I said. They were very polite, I couldn't say no. Well the scripture is Hebrews 13:8-9. I read it after they left and I gotta say...it doesn't really make too much sense to me. So if someone would care to explain that would be much appreciated. Anyway, they wished me a blessed afternoon and it was just peachy. The end.

Food for thought:
3 Nephi 26:11
"I will try the faith of my people."

There it is...written out very straightforward and plain. We're here to be tested and to have our faith tried. It's nice to know that at least He tells us flat out what's up.

It really sucks when

You want to talk to your fiance and you're super excited about it....and then out of no where the conversation heads south. And I mean wayyyy south. SUCK A FISH!!!

Seriously, this has FML written ALL OVER IT.

It's really hard to even pretend to enjoy spring break and trying to plan a wedding when they just aren't happy and their upset that they can't see you. Well so am I! But you don't see me crying about it every freaking day. It's life. We knew it was going to suck when we signed up for this. So you have a good cry, and press on. It still sucks, but you don't let it affect your each and every moment. Maybe I keep too much inside, but seriously, I've been depressed enough all week about it and I was actually having a great day all day and now I'm just pissed.

Ironically, great quote I found on Monday when we were shopping:

"If you want to be happy, be."

Awkward conversations.

So I still have 2 hours before class starts!! Ahhh...then I can leave and go home! It's seriously crawling by. I just might die. On a brighter note, I definitely had one of the funniest/most awkward conversations of my life last night. Okay, so it wasn't really awkward, the subject matter is though. So if' you're faint of heart, stop reading...because the next few paragraphs might shock your heart right out of you.

Last night, Abbie and I went downstairs to Nicole's apartment to visit her. Well, then we started talking about getting married and stuff and Tiffany asked me if I was gonna go get waxed? HELL NO!!That crap hurts! I can barely make it through my eyebrows without tearing up, and you just wanna jump the gun straight to the big mama? Bahhhh... Then we proceeded to argue, okay not really argue, but discuss the different sides. Nicole votes no because "he's gonna sleep with you anyway." But Tiffany says yes because it would be nicer or something like that.

Anyway, I still have yet to decide...no worries. I've got 2 months to figure this out haha. I'll take a poll. I'm pretty sure I know what answer I'm gonna get though. Suck. A Fish. Two of them.

Speaking of awkward conversations, my sister (Rylee) just texted me two of the most random things ever! My bridal shower is next Saturday, and this is what she said to me:

"Ha well that should be interesting. Do u think people r gonna buy u lingerie :P"

WTH?! Seriously I was shocked. The next one is better.

"Hahaha!! Shar said that for robs wife mandy her friends got her like nasty stuff like hard core corsets and junk. I hope u don't get that stuff :P"

Seriously, this little smiley face at the end is freaking me out.
Poor Rylee...if only she knew. haha.

Spring Break Fever

Stressor to the max. I've even got the break out to prove it. Sucks. So let's start from the beginning shall we?
Thursday of last week, Dan and I drove up to the valley for Shawn and Erin Nimmer's wedding. The drive was fine, and then when we got up there, we had a couple of hours to spare, so we went to register at Target. Okay, for some reason, every little thing lately is stressing me out to the point that I just want to cry about everything. We walk into Target, and get set up for everything, and take the gun to go scanner happy. Well, for some strange reason, I just got seriously irritated with Dan about nothing! I feel so bad for him...and I've got no reason for any of it. I'm just a freaking emotional roller coaster. So pretty much I was stressed about figuring out colors for my  bedroom! Are you kidding me?! Honestly, all the big things I'm not too worried about, but all the small stupid insignificant things that don't even matter are stressing me out to no end!

So long story short, registering ended up being pretty fun, especially when we got to the kitchen aisle and to the movies! It was awesome! Then we had to get to the temple, but we stopped at In N Out before. Yumm! But the chocolate shake was a little too much. So Dan gets to the temple and I sat under a tree and waited for them to be done. Well, sitting under that tree, I suddenly got really excited to be married to Dan. I can't wait to walk out of those doors. It's going to be the BEST DAY EVER!

After they got out of the temple, I got super duper sick. It sucked so bad. Killer migraine+HEAT=sick sick sick. I couldn't even go to the reception that night. So thank goodness for bryson and kassidy. They let me just crash on their couch and watch greys anatomy episodes. By the end of the night, I ended up feeling so much better.

Friday we drove back, and spent the evening planning for the wedding. Then later in the week, I was picking out wedding invitations--worst thing ever! Seriously there are so many different types and it's ridiculous. TO pick out just one...ugh. So anyway, I ended up picking one and my mom didn't like it. GREAT. Then she steered me in the direction of the ones that would be more "theme appropriate" for my wedding. So I was thinking to myself: why the heck didn't she just show me those ones in the first place?! Well I ended picking one, and 4 different revisions later, ended up picking out a final announcement.

Seriously, weddings are so much strain on the mother/daughter relationship. It's awful. My mom and I don't fight about too much of anything. We're pretty level headed in that we can talk it out...but seriously, I feel like we're fighting about everything...and stupid stuff at that. I know she's not trying to stress me out, and I'm trying to be nice and not get upset with her. But it is so hard...so so hard. I was in tears over my announcement the other day because it wasn't what I wanted. Don't worry, it's just perfect now.

Anyway, I just made cookies...and I'm feeling extremely fat and frumpy lately. I need to go work out. I have a dress to fit into. Seriously. So no more soda, and no more eating out. I've got to get my butt in gear...especially since I'm gonna start taking birth control--and let's face it, that just makes everyone fat. YUCK.

So long story short, I've got spring break fever...bad. I can't wait to get out of this town and back home. I don't want to be away from Dan, but I need to get so much done, and I don't want to take out my stress on him. So it's probably best that we take a little break. I don't want to, but sometimes you've got to do things you don't want to. End of story.