The wrong side of the bed

Today has just been a day. One of those days. Where it just starts off all kinds of wrong right from the second you open your eyes. Those days.

I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night. Literally was awake staring at the ceiling for an hour. Then it just was not a restful sleep. I feel like I woke up without ever really getting any sleep. Strike 1.

I woke up late, and didn't have time to put on make up or do something with my hair or anything like that. I was just going to the dentist, so really no big deal. But sometimes I really would just like to get ready a little bit and feel better about myself. Strike 2.

I went to the dentist and the usual hygienist isn't there. Sad day, but no big deal. I really like my hygienist. She's awesome. Anyway, the "fill-in/substitute" hygienist was pleasant, nice, but not really the same at all. She basically pointed out everything I'm doing "wrong" in taking care of my teeth.
-I need an electric toothbrush
-I brush too hard and it's causing receding gums
-I have demineralization and need to change my toothpaste to one with fluoride and calcium (Thanks, it's been there for a while...not getting any worse)
-I need to floss every day (Don't we all...)
The list goes on...

Now let me get this out: I'm one of those people that loves the dentist. Weird I know, but I really do love that feeling of having my teeth all clean and no cavities. Well, unfortunately, I left feeling anything but happy that I went to the dentist this morning. Strike 3.


To make the rest of a long day short, I had to take ATI. I got a level 2 which on any other day I would be super happy about. For those who don't know, level 2 is likely to exceed NCLEX standards--so why not be happy about that right? For the life of me, I was ticked about it. So dumb. Strike 4.

Then I tried to go to the gym with Dan. I get through 2 different exercises and I just start bawling. Left the gym. Didn't even work up a sweat. Strike 5.

Drive home. Pissed I didn't get in any kind of a work out. Bawled even more in the car. Full on sobbing. It is really just ridiculous. Strike 6.

I've struck out like a million times today. The only thing I got right today, in my own head, was to love this wonderful man of mine. Through thick and thin, bad and good, he loves me just the same, perhaps even more. I don't even know how I got so lucky, but I did. And thank goodness for him.

He's such a fixer, and today it was super helpful. We're going to try something new with the gym thing. Monday Wednesday Friday hitting the gym in the morning. Here's to turning over a new leaf and trying something new. I have high hopes for this working, because somethings gotta give.

And here's to tomorrow being a better day than today.

Challenge

Leaving the gym yesterday, I really remembered why I've let things get this way. It is hard. Really effing hard (for lack of a better word). Guess what makes it even harder? When you're dehydrated. Word. So here's the story. Yesterday I had a med-surg test that I didn't start studying for until Tuesday morning. Procrastinating? Yes. Basically I've worked procrastination to an art. I should probably get an award. Anyway, back to the story. So I went to school at 11 and was at school from 11-6. Took my test at 6. And hit the gym around 645. Oh and I forgot my water bottle.

So I pansied out big time. But at least I went right? That's what I keep telling myself.

1.25 miles; 17:16.

Note to self: Never ever EVER forget water bottle again!

On a side note, I found this interesting article a few days ago and I really like it. If you want to read it, click here! Basically, it was saying to use your bathroom scale wisely because it can actually sabotage your weight loss/fitness goals. It recommended to check your weight NO MORE THAN once a week, and even then, don't rely on the number. Rely on how you feel! If you feel great and you think you look great, then that's GREAT!! Make sense? Anyway, I really liked it because it's helping me not focus so much on the number, but how my body feels. Already I'm feeling so much better! And after just 2 days, my clothes already fit better!!

I have this goal: I want to make it to 80 without having any chronic illnesses and I want my heart to still like me. After that, I'm pretty convinced that you're bound to get something because your body is wearing out. But if I can make it to 80...I will be one happy lady :]

2 miles for time-Trial 1

I said I would post my times. Mostly just for me to keep track of my progress.

2 miles, setting the baseline for myself.

Day 1: 23:45

*Side note-I almost hurled after mile 1. Sticking to half a slice of toast from now on for breakfast before the gym. I wanted to quit so badly after mile 1.5. Mostly I'm just really proud of myself for sticking it out and going the distance! I'm almost bummed tomorrow's Sunday because I want to shave some time off that 2 miler already!

No judgment

Fellow blogger friends, I have this big dilemma. One that has plagued me my entire life. Literally. I've struggled with it for as long as I can remember, and about 2 years ago I felt like I had finally gotten it under control and felt confident. Well...it's bad. I honestly don't know how it happened...well I do, but you know what I mean...and I'm desperate. I just want it to all be gone again like before, but I know that only happens with hard work and commitment. So I'm asking for help! And someone to be accountable to. I can't be accountable to Dan--he won't be hard on me because he loves me too much and doesn't want to hurt me.

Weight. The scale. The extra pounds. I need them gone. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin these days. I just feel fat and frumpy and I feel bad that Dan has to come home to this. I want to feel attractive! And at least comfortable wearing my clothes! I refuse to buy bigger clothes because that's like giving in and not making a change. I need to make a change.

I weigh almost just as much as I did in high school...and that really makes me sad because I hate looking at high school pictures! I can see all the weight in my face and it just makes me sick! So I'm making a request, a plea of desperation if you will. I heard this great idea from my friend Cami that she and her sister race to 2 miles to see who can do it the fastest. I like competitions, they motivate me. But not the kind that are who can lose the most weight in x amount of time. I like very tangible, very real motivation and goals that are right there in front of me. So I'm going to try this for the next few weeks till Abbie's wedding: race to 2 miles. I'm going to post my time every day (except Sundays) for 2 miles and it's not really for anyone else, but since this is public, I think it will kick my butt a little bit more knowing I have to post it!

The second part of this is diet. They say losing weight is 70% diet, so I really really would love some dieting tips! I'm not into doing "diets" per say (ie. Atkins, South beach), but I'd rather just continue to eat well-balanced meals (still watching what I'm eating) and portion sizes! But honestly, at this point I'm up for anything! Any ideas would be much appreciated!!!

And finally...once a week, I will weigh in...probably Saturday mornings, and regretfully I will post those too. Seriously, I don't need any more judgments so please if you have something nasty to say, just keep it to yourself.

Week 1, Day 1: 170.1

"I hated every minute of training, but I said Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion." -Muhammad Ali

Back in the saddle again

I feel like this will be a recurring cycle in my life. I hope that at least this time I will be able to maintain some sort of control over this cycle and stay in it for quite a bit longer (ideally the rest of my life). I went to the gym today. GASP. Anddddd ran 1.6 miles. Woot woot!

So before you get all "what's the big deal," here's the big deal:
1. I haven't seen the inside of the gym in months (literally)
2. I have way more stress and anxiety in my life than I can handle
    -PROOF: I started balling in my wound care pass off this morning. Can we talk about embarrassing?
3. I just want to feel good, and feel some sort of confidence again.
4. One of my best friends is getting married on Friday, which means lots of pictures. And I know that one week of exercising really won't make that much of a difference, but at least I will FEEL good about myself. And that kind of confidence totally carries over into pictures.

So I'm back in the saddle again. 1.6 miles down. Pretty freaking rough, but better late than never. And why put off till tomorrow what you can do today?

Any pump up running song suggestions would be much appreciated. I still want to run a 5 k on Thanksgiving...even if it takes me an entire hour!

Cross fit

Pinterest has given me a solution to combat all the delicious recipes I find on there. It might have just given me a way to exercise without feeling guilty that I should be studying instead (nursing school problems).

Welcome to future: http://calicrossfit.blogspot.com/

She's amazing (the mama that created this blog). I just did it today (actually got done 5 minutes ago), and although I'm embarrassed to admit it because it shows how out of shape I really am, I completed it all in 24:36. You're supposed to do it in 20 minutes or faster ideally, but I've got to start somewhere. The second 800 m was KILLER, but I walked some and pushed through the last 800 m.

Try it out, and let me know what you think of it!

Running running

A friend at work showed me this website. If anyone knows me, I love to run when I'm upset or angry.  And generally speaking I like to run to keep my heart and lungs (and the rest of my body) healthy. But...I suck  at it. No joke. I never quite figured out how to breathe so I always sound like I'm dying even though I feel fine.

Well....I found a solution!! And honestly, I'm feeling pretty good at it. It's called the couch potato to 5 k. It breaks it down by weeks and has you alternate between running and walking. I'm super stoked about it. I tried it this morning and I felt great! I didn't feel crappy or horrible or like I couldn't breathe, but I felt like I could actually do it! Maybe I'm just on that high of starting a new work out, but so far, I'm pretty excited about it.

Check it out for yourself: Couch Potato to 5K

I'll keep you posted on how this running thing works out, but if it all works out according to plan, I will be running 3 miles solidly by the middle of August!!

Stay tuned.

New Years Resolutions

Are dumb....really really dumb.

Especially when they involve the gym I go to. I kid you not, I went to the gym Monday and it was PACKED!!!

I think there were 5 treadmills open...so much for running that day. And every place there was an open spot, one of the people on either side reaked of B.O!! I should have brought deodorant sticks to give to everyone.

So I went on the olliptical, for about 30 minutes. Then left....because everyone was on the weight machines too.

I was super ticked to say the least. So I think new years resolutions are stupid. Thankfully by the end of January they'll all be gone, and only the true resolutioners will be there...so maybe 5 more people.

Anyway, don't mind my ranting. But the gym was a little irritating on Monday.

So...that's why my new years resolution is to floss my teeth once a week. Simple and easy to do.

My hamstrings hate me

Yesterday, Dan and I went to the gym. I'm usually out of the locker room LONG before he is...I'm convinced there's a massage chair or something exciting in there, because I'm always done and on the treadmill for at least 5 minutes before he's out.

Anyway, yesterday I decided to stretch out just a little bit before starting to work out. I'm nearly convinced that was the fatal mistake, because I never stretch before. I just start walking and gradually speed up the pace to a run. So I finished the treadmill, and went to the bike for 3 more miles, then hit the weights.

Well, there was a guy at the gym that was in a wheelchair, and he rolled up next to my treadmill and said hello. So naturally, I said hi back because there's no reason to be mean to someone for saying hello. However, when I was working on the machines doing rows, he rolled up right next to my machine and said hello again.

I feel really bad for this, but it kind of freaked me out a little bit, because it wasn't like I was the only person in the gym. There were quite a few people there actually. So I smiled, and finished my set, then got up and walked over to where Dan was. I didn't go back to the machines. And I felt really bad for leaving, but he was freaking me out a little bit! I think he was kind of special though.

So I just finished my work out with free weights, and then I did some dead lifts. After I finished those, Dan and I were going to do an ab circuit, but when I went to go pick up his other weight so we could go over there, my hamstrings totally freaked out like they were going to cramp! It hurt so freaking bad! They got so tight and it hurt even more to stretch them. So I walked like an idiot because I was walking with my legs practically straight over to the ab station, thinking they'd relax themselves. Nope. Did not happen.

So all night, I was walking super slow, probably out of fear that they would cramp. That is the worst feeling! I hate muscle cramping. Ugh. They're much better today, but still super sore. And now they're twitching. I swear they hate me. But tomorrow, they're getting it because Dan and I are going to hike the Y tomorrow. I'm pretty excited!!

That's all for now. I'll blog about Christmas...eventually.

Ps. If anyone has tips for this hamstring-hatage, please help a sister out! They're killer.
Much obliged!

This is awkward.

I've officially (*note officially) decided that having a cold in the middle of the freaking summer in the sweltering heat and humidity that is Texas is quite possibly the most awkward feeling in the world. If you already saw that on my facebook post, sorry.

I think I'm finally catching the tail end of what the boys and Jaynee had last week. I had a sore throat (and when I say sore I mean it was concentrated to one little pocket on my left tonsil--don't worry, I checked. It was the only one with a little yucky on it...and no that yucky wasn't strep. I checked that too. I've seen enough strep living with Raegan that I was 110% positive it wasn't strep). Wow that was a long interjection. And thing hang nail on my thumb hurts friggen bad!!

Back on topic, so I had a sore throat for like maybe 2 days at most. I started sucking on cough drops and popping vitamin C like candy as soon as it started hurting. Then it went away by Monday and then last night at basketball, seriously within the whole hour that we were there, my nose was stuffed up and I couldn't breathe out of it. I could seriously feel the membranes getting filled and plugged with fluid. Sucks. A big freaking fish.

So last night, my poor honey had to endure me snoring through the night because I couldn't breathe. He said this morning that within 15 minutes of me falling asleep, I was snoring. He had stayed up to read a book for a little bit. It was the pits. So I couldn't breathe all night, and woke up around 4 this morning to go blow my nose and after that I could not get comfortable. I'm getting seriously pissed off with my hypothalamus lately because my sleeping schedule is so wacked. I cannot sleep through the entire night to save my life. I always wake up at least once and it's almost always between the hours of 4 and 6 in the morning. For the life of me I can't figure out why. It would only be 2 in Arizona, so it's not like I'm used to waking up that early or anything. But it sucks. And it sucks even more when you're sick.

I'm glad though that yesterday I cleaned up my house and did most of the laundry because I almost put it off until today and clearly that wouldn't have happened. I did manage to drag myself to the gym and do 30 minutes of cardio. I'm not sure if that was the best thing for me or not, but hey it's all gotta get out of my system eventually. Let's just get it circulated around and out of me as fast as possible. I came home, and seriously all I wanted was ramen. Sick right? Out of all the food that I have in the fridge, I was just craving some chicken ramen. Kinda like when you're sick your mom always makes you chicken noodle soup? Well I always thought the soup was too watery, not concentrated enough. So I like ramen.

I drove to WalMart, walked down the pasta aisle, and started to grab a couple of packages of the chicken ramen. Well, lo and behold, they have creamy chicken ramen. They have picante chicken ramen. They have oriental and shrimp ramen! Geez louise! I knew about the shrimp and oriental kinds, but the creamy and picante? Dang I was shocked! So I got some creamy to try. I'll let you know how it comes out.

I realized today that Dan doesn't ever blog on here...not that he would, but I feel like it's always me telling stories. I guess I'm the one who has the time to tell them.

I was talking to Dan last night after we got home from basketball and was just asking him about Kameron. I never met him or got the chance to meet him. I wish I would have had that opportunity. One day I will. Anyway, so I was asking Dan to tell me about him so at least I can kind of have a feel for who my other brother is. I also asked Dan if he thought things would be different for him personally if Kameron hadn't passed away. He said he probably wouldn't have gone to EA and would have tried to go to a university, but when Kameron passed away, he just wanted to be close to family. In that instance, I wasn't grateful things happened the way that they did with Kameron, but I'm grateful for the out reaching effects that it had. I never would have met Dan. I wouldn't be here in Texas. And I wouldn't be this happy and in love. So I don't feel like "thank you" is appropriate, but if you catch my drift, I am grateful. And I'm grateful for the eternities that are ahead that I will get that opportunity to meet him and to know him.

So this post is super sketchy and all over the place, but it's all the thoughts that are going through my head right now, and at least if they get written down, someone can try to make sense of them later. Good luck to them! Haha.

On our little desk right here where the computer is, there's 3 pictures. One of them is one of my favorite wedding pictures with Dan's boutonniere right below it. Another is Dan with Matt and Kameron when Matt got home from his mission. The other is mine and Dan's favorite engagement picture. It's in a frame that was given to us by Jacie Ames and her family. The frame says this:

Faith  Hope  Love

The greatest of these is Love.

And this is why I will now begin training for a marathon

So I've got a pretty good looking boyfriend, and this fact was made pretty apparent to me today.

[Insert Picture of Sexy Rock Hard Body]

I also realized I'm at double F status--fat and frumpy. So to do away with the double F, I've decided that I am going to start training for a marathon. Yes I know that this has been an endeavor in the past, but I'd really like to just have a flat tummy. We'll work on the 6 pack eventually. But flat would be just WONDERFUL!

Then I could just appreciate the curves a little bit more. Don't get me wrong, I love my curves...but let's face it, a flat tummy would be nice. And that doesn't necessarily mean getting rid of curves, just accentuating them a little more, right?

Anyway, just some food for thought :]

Boys...They burp and they like to moon ya!! --Little Rascals
so then Abbie adds: And all I could think about was Arielle burping and Megan mooning!