LAST first day of school

Well ladies and gents, it actually happened. I have finally started my VERY LAST semester of nursing school EVER!!!!! <-- If you can't tell how I feel about it, take a look at all those exclamation points. I'm excited to say the least. 

As first days go, it was fine. Boring. Overwhelming. And almost a somber feeling. This is the last first day of school I will have until I get super crazy and go back for a masters degree. This is the last first day I will have with this amazing group of people I have been so privileged to embark on this journey with. But it was also a very happy feeling. We are nearly there. We did it. We survived MedSurg. And then we all survived ICU despite those awful quizzes. The homestretch is here...finally. 

I can honestly say though, I thoroughly enjoyed every last drop of summer. I did not do a single NCLEX prep question, or worry about any assignments. That was pure bliss. 

I will be doing my capstone rotation on the 6th floor at UVRMC. Night shift. It should be fun. I'm a little worried about staying awake at night, but I'm sure it will be fine. Just an adjustment. Dan is a little sad about having to sleep alone, but Ruby will totally snuggle up to him! He'll be just fine. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear." 

Capstone: prepare to be demolished. 

Xxo, me.

Smothered with gravy

Sometimes, I look at our life and feel like all we do is eat, sleep, work, and go to school. That latter part happens to take over my life quite frequently despite my best efforts. We've stayed up many a night and had many a "car chat" and what to do and how to make sure we're okay despite all this business and fluff. Dan definitely gets more upset about it than I do, but I attribute that to him being way more in tune to not only the Spirit, but our relationship as well.

I find myself complacent with where our life is, mostly because I know that school is temporary. Just a little longer. The light is finally at the end of the tunnel and we are almost there. If you'd asked me this last year, I would have totally agreed because it felt like there was no end in sight. But now, here I am. Graduating in December. You have no idea how long I have waited to say that, or even write those words down. No more qualifiers, NEXT December, or December of 2014. No. Now I can just say December. It's a beautiful thing.

Side tracking. I don't want to look back on these years and only remember school. I want to remember all the laughing we did through this tough years, and how these years have helped us to learn to laugh through difficult and tough situations, and through times were we honestly probably did not have time to laugh. If anything, I want to look back on these years, poor college students working and going to school and living in a basement apartment, and smile with fondness because these are the simple years, and the very very blessed years. Not that future years won't be simple or blessed, but these are the years that I help to form and shape the rest of my life. These are the experiences I will relate to my children over and over as they grow up. And I want those to be happy memories, not just a monotonous routine of work, school and sleep.

On that note, we got home last night and I was instantly tired. This is a frequent occurrence from being so "go go go" all the time. We had dinner and were watching an episode of Burn Notice to relax before hitting some homework before bed. We were sitting on our bed, and started wrestling! We do this a lot and it mostly ends in a lot of tickling and laughing till I get the hiccups and someone crying out "UNCLE!!" Last night was no different. I was laughing so hard and had all the blankets shoved up next to my face. Dan was on top of me and tickling me, and I said "I'm being smothered...like gravy!"

He stopped, looked at me with the "What the heck did you just say?" face, and then started laughing. I probably said it a few more times because he totally didn't understand what I was saying. A few minutes later, I realized I probably should've said I felt like a potato being smothered in gravy. Equally weird, but we were rolling on the floor laughing. We do that a lot. Mostly at stupid things I say or my punitive attempt to whistle every time my cell phone rings (it's a whistling tune). But laughing breaks up the stress and monotony of school. Laughing keeps you happy. Laughing keeps the heart and soul young.

(Dan's surprise birthday party, 2011)

Looking forward to the future

I haven't been on here in quite awhile. In fact, I've all but completely neglected this blog, but I just can't apologize for it. I have been so busy with school and just life in general that even when the thought crosses my mind to blog, it's usually right before my head hits the pillow. And lets be honest, when that happens, I'm out like a light in 5 minutes flat. Really. I could probably hold a record in the fastest time to fall asleep.

In all seriousness though, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. I graduate next year. NEXT YEAR!!! You have no idea how long I have been waiting to say the words "I graduate in December...THIS December." No more "next December." No more "2014." I can now say {almost} this year!!

Dan has been asking me what I am going to do after school, and to be frank, I haven't the slightest clue what I will do after school. It terrifies me. The dream has always been to graduate nursing school and to be a nurse. After that, I have no idea what I am going to do. When Dan asked me the other night what I was going to do after school, after a long conversation, I finally said:

I guess I'll have to find a new dream.

I don't know about you, but finding a new dream is down right scary. Especially when I have had this dream planned out to the "T" since I was 8 years old. You think I'm kidding about that last part, but sadly I'm not. So in the spirit of finding that new dream, I have been led to think a lot about what other goals I want to accomplish with my life, a more serious bucket list of sorts. Of course I have a bucket list going {refer to this post} but that's more trivial things...if you can call starting a clinic in Africa trivial.

Family. That's really what has been on my mind. I cannot wait to start my own little family one day. The thought is absolutely terrifying and I cannot imagine being entirely responsible for a new little life. I can't imagine the struggle it would be to bring that little life into this world. But when I see pictures like this, my heart aches for something that makes our family complete.

This is Dan holding our nephew Kason after he was born (almost 7 years ago!!). I just stumbled upon this picture and I cannot wait for that to be our baby he's holding.

I know for a lot of people it's not a huge deal. You want a family, then have baby! It's never been that simple for me though. I have a plan and a goal and a dream. And things for this dream have never gone according to plan. But I have 1 year left. I can do this. Power through, finish one dream, then move onto the next right?

I'll probably be over this in a few days, and realize how absolutely insane I would have to be to deliberately try to have a baby right now, especially as school winds down and I take the NCLEX. But it creeps into the back of my mind more than I care to admit. Maybe that's just Heavenly Father's way of reminding me what I really do want out of this life, consciously or subconsciously. For now, it's a good thing my awesome friend Kristi lives close and has an adorable baby!!

New dream: a family. 

Dreams

So Dan told me this morning that he had a dream last night that we had a baby...and it was a little girl.

I'm trying not to get excited about it, but I hope it doesn't mean we won't ever have girls...because let's face it little girls are just fun.

Don't worry...I'm not pregnant! And won't be anytime soon. But I just had to share. One day. :]