Man alive I have not blogged in almost a month (tomorrow). And that's definitely got to change. Honestly though, I can't say I've wanted to blog. There's nothing exciting or funny going on as of late and all it would be is just complaining and whining about how much I miss Dan and being alone sucks. Word.
But, my tune is about to change very soon. Dan is coming home next week!! I can't even begin to describe how excited I am about that. I'm so glad that he's going to be home and we won't ever have to be apart like this again. Seriously, if you ever have a choice: don't do this. It's awful. I won't lie to you or spare you the details. I cry a lot. And I've decided I really hate being alone. I miss my friends. I've been looking back on the pictures from Thatcher and it makes me so depressed. I really never thought I'd miss that one horse town, but I do. And I miss Arizona....a lot. Call me crazy, but I miss the desert and the cactus and the dirt.
I didn't get too attached to Texas...actually I was never attached to Texas...because I knew it was temporary. I went into that experience knowing it was temporary. Probably why I was glad to leave it. I miss the girls there. I miss going to the gym and dragging Jaynee along with me. I miss laying out at the pool and having real conversations with Jaynee and Abby (probably the only real social contact we had all day till our husbands came home). I miss Maria and the boys. They're a bunch of little spit fires, but you can't help but love them.
At the end of the day, I really just miss Dan and want so badly for him to be here. This bed has never felt so big and empty. I find myself sleeping in the middle so it doesn't feel that way. I'm sure Dan won't appreciate that too much when he gets here and I'm in his space.
But in retrospect, all of these things have forced me (yes forced...because I didn't choose this willingly) to grow up a little bit more, to still rely on myself for things, and to rely on my Heavenly Father. I really think I've said more prayers in the middle of the night in the last 2 weeks than I have in a long long time. But He's there. And I know He's there. He hears me and He is answering my prayers each and every day, because most days I can wake up and find something to smile about. The great weather outside, the mini work out I get every day from those atrocious stairs (they're still kicking my butt), and my cute little apartment that I get to come home to every day.
My sister in law, now she's something else. She's got strength that I hope in time to find within myself. She reminded me that I need to rely on the Lord, and that even though it won't take the loneliness away, His love can provide a sense of comfort. I've been learning that too. Slowly but surely, I'm recognizing Him more and more every day in my life. I hope this isn't setting me up for something bigger though. That would not be cool. But if that's what is asked of me, then that's what I'll do.
I was walking to my car Wednesday after class and it was definitely a downer day. I couldn't help but feeling alone and abandoned almost. The phrase from a scripture "all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy benefit" popped into my head. I just helped me to see that I am being watched over, He knows what I'm going through, and He's not leaving me alone.
Anyway, this has been kind of a downer post. It totally wasn't supposed to be. But I guess, for me at least, I don't hide how I feel. I'm getting a little big stronger. I can say though, that out of this experience, I've gained so much respect for anyone who has had to be without their husbands or wives for extended amounts of time. They are amazing. Hands down.
"Do not pray for easier lives. Pray to be stronger."
