This is dumb. This is really really dumb.

Yes this is my Mother's day card to my momma. And yes it is near the end of June. And yes it did get returned to sender.

Would you like to know why it was returned to me? Well you see my momma is a very busy lady. Like very very busy. Probably too busy for her own good. That's beside the point. She was 4 days late paying for their PO box.
FOUR!! Four FREAKIN days!!!
When this happened, she called me and was telling me about it. I empathized because getting all your mail sent back super sucks, especially when there's bills and stuff in there. I didn't even think twice about the Mother's Day card I'd sent her. Now I have to get another envelope and another stamp and send it again. I should get a refund. A 45 cent refund to be exact.

I seriously hate the post office today. Why did they choose May to be efficient at their jobs?

Gratitude

Tuesday: Basketball night. Leftovers for dinner.

I hate waking up with swollen eyes. It's almost like you can't have a fresh start the next day  because the evidence it still across your face. I feel so drained. And it's almost a pain in the butt trying to find something to keep me in a good mood. I'm not in a bad mood by any means, but I'm just kind of melancholy. I could really go for some ice cream right now. Bahaha I'm such a girl.

One way to change that attitude is to think about what I'm grateful for and the blessings I've been given.

Number 1 (and not necessarily the most important): Momma. She is so amazing. I am so blessed to have the most amazing mom in the entire world and I'm so lucky to be able to call her when I'm sad or when I'm happy or just to talk to her and have entirely meaningless conversations. I don't know what I would do without her. She's one of my best friends. I've always appreciated that she's been my mom first and foremost before she's my friend. She's amazing. The life she's lived and made is amazing. I will be forever grateful that she got to be my mother and that I've been so privileged to have her in my life.

Number 2: Good friends. Yesterday was just a down day. It was all I could do to keep  myself from just breaking down every 5 minutes. I got a text from a friend that's here in Austin with us and she just helped me to see that I am strong enough, that I can do this, and that I'm not alone in anything. It's always a good feeling to know that someone is out there and someone's thinking about you. I'm grateful for a good friend that was able to help me smile yesterday and realize a lot of things about myself that are hard to see in the midst of a trial or a struggle. Thank you Kristi.

Number 3: Dan. He's my best friend in this entire world. When he came home yesterday, I had kept myself together pretty well by then. Pandora was playing country songs and the song that was playing was called "I Do" and he grabbed me and pulled me close and just danced with me in the kitchen. I lost it. I just cried and cried and cried. Like practically hysterical crying. I don't think I've ever cried that much in front of him. It's funny, I kept trying to do other things and get my mind focused on other things, but he wouldn't let me. He just  held me and I just cried. I finally told him just how scared I am about being there by myself for the first month of school and just all of that. But at the same time, I told him that I'll be okay. My sister will be there, Jami will be there, and so will all my mom's family. I'm gonna be fine.

He knows me so well though...how much I try to put on a tough face and hide behind it. And I love that he knows that. I love him. I'm so glad I married him. Even today, I just continue to realize how much I need him each and every day, how he just completes me. Sorry to sound like such a sap, but really it's true.

Anyway, time to head out and get a couple of things done. Feeling better and happier already. This gratitude thing....it really works.

Spring Break Fever

Stressor to the max. I've even got the break out to prove it. Sucks. So let's start from the beginning shall we?
Thursday of last week, Dan and I drove up to the valley for Shawn and Erin Nimmer's wedding. The drive was fine, and then when we got up there, we had a couple of hours to spare, so we went to register at Target. Okay, for some reason, every little thing lately is stressing me out to the point that I just want to cry about everything. We walk into Target, and get set up for everything, and take the gun to go scanner happy. Well, for some strange reason, I just got seriously irritated with Dan about nothing! I feel so bad for him...and I've got no reason for any of it. I'm just a freaking emotional roller coaster. So pretty much I was stressed about figuring out colors for my  bedroom! Are you kidding me?! Honestly, all the big things I'm not too worried about, but all the small stupid insignificant things that don't even matter are stressing me out to no end!

So long story short, registering ended up being pretty fun, especially when we got to the kitchen aisle and to the movies! It was awesome! Then we had to get to the temple, but we stopped at In N Out before. Yumm! But the chocolate shake was a little too much. So Dan gets to the temple and I sat under a tree and waited for them to be done. Well, sitting under that tree, I suddenly got really excited to be married to Dan. I can't wait to walk out of those doors. It's going to be the BEST DAY EVER!

After they got out of the temple, I got super duper sick. It sucked so bad. Killer migraine+HEAT=sick sick sick. I couldn't even go to the reception that night. So thank goodness for bryson and kassidy. They let me just crash on their couch and watch greys anatomy episodes. By the end of the night, I ended up feeling so much better.

Friday we drove back, and spent the evening planning for the wedding. Then later in the week, I was picking out wedding invitations--worst thing ever! Seriously there are so many different types and it's ridiculous. TO pick out just one...ugh. So anyway, I ended up picking one and my mom didn't like it. GREAT. Then she steered me in the direction of the ones that would be more "theme appropriate" for my wedding. So I was thinking to myself: why the heck didn't she just show me those ones in the first place?! Well I ended picking one, and 4 different revisions later, ended up picking out a final announcement.

Seriously, weddings are so much strain on the mother/daughter relationship. It's awful. My mom and I don't fight about too much of anything. We're pretty level headed in that we can talk it out...but seriously, I feel like we're fighting about everything...and stupid stuff at that. I know she's not trying to stress me out, and I'm trying to be nice and not get upset with her. But it is so hard...so so hard. I was in tears over my announcement the other day because it wasn't what I wanted. Don't worry, it's just perfect now.

Anyway, I just made cookies...and I'm feeling extremely fat and frumpy lately. I need to go work out. I have a dress to fit into. Seriously. So no more soda, and no more eating out. I've got to get my butt in gear...especially since I'm gonna start taking birth control--and let's face it, that just makes everyone fat. YUCK.

So long story short, I've got spring break fever...bad. I can't wait to get out of this town and back home. I don't want to be away from Dan, but I need to get so much done, and I don't want to take out my stress on him. So it's probably best that we take a little break. I don't want to, but sometimes you've got to do things you don't want to. End of story.

I'm BACK!!!

WRITTEN ON TUESDAY JANUARY 11:
Wahoo! Back in Thatcher! And honestly it feels so good to be back and be with my friends and our "little" circle of people and doing things again. Winter break almost killed me...I did absolutely NOTHING! I'm sure getting my wisdom teeth out didn't help too much, but I just like hanging out with my momma whenever I go home and I never hang out with anyone...so long story short, I'm probably a jerk for not wanting to really do anything, but oh well. It happens. My bad.

So lets rewind a couple of days back to Saturday...ZIPPPP! Okay so Dan came up on Saturday and I was so ridiculously excited that I couldn't even stand it! So he texts me around 11 and tells me he is going to be a little late...bummer :[ But it's alright, because that gives me some more time to clean up the atrocity of a bathroom and Ethan's room. Then I've got Ethan and Chandler asking me every 5 minutes: WHEN IS DAN GOING TO BE HERE?! WHEN IS HE COMING?! Ahhhhh!! I thought I was going to die slowly. Alright, not quite that dramatic, but you catch my drift.

He FINALLY gets to my house and I still hadn't gotten ready because I'd been cleaning up till the minute that he got there (don't worry, I got it all done!). My poor boyfriend...honestly I feel bad for the guy and I probably should do something to fix it, but I really don't care--Abbie and I were just talking yesterday about how I have absolutely no shame and don't really care what anyone says about it either. I try though! This sounds so bad, like I never get ready and look frumpy all the time. It's probably true. Alright I'll try to get ready from now on. Try being the key word. I expect an epic fail to come out of this.

Back to the story: he gets to my house and then we ended up going out to dinner...which believe me it is harder to chew lettuce with four gaping holes in your mouth than you would expect. Don't worry, I cleaned up and got ready, and I think I looked pretty cute. Haha you'll have to ask Dan.

After dinner, we came back and made lemon bars. Dan and Chandler had a contest to see who could make the best ones. Well if you ask me, they tasted the same, but apparently, Dan put in a cup less of sugar. So maybe they should've tasted worse?! But they all tasted good.

We ended up watching Holes and were up till 230 in the morning! Now let's keep in mind that 1. That is SUPER LATE! and 2. we had to be in east Mesa by 830 the next morning, which means leaving my house by no later than 745. Well as you can imagine, I set my alarm and pushed the snooze and wake up to Dan shaking my arm at 715. CRAP!! Well don't worry, we made it to church...at 829 on the dot. Haha it was Dan's greenie's homecoming, so that was cool to meet him and hear his talk. Holy cow though, his Spanish was SOOOOO FAST!! Haha it was kinda funny because he was just going and there was no stopping him.

We came back to my house and watched the Jungle Book and then went over to my friend Sam Liang's house and talked to her and saw her two little kiddos. Oh man they are so stinkin cute and probably one of the few reasons I want to have kids one day. So we were over there for a few hours and then when we were leaving, I asked Ronen for a hug and he looks and me like he's contemplating it, and then says: I don't have anymore hugs. Hahah little kids say the funniest things!

Monday, I went in to get a new tire and get them rotated, got a couple of shots from the doctors office, and then went home to wait for my car to be done so we could leave! We ended up meeting my momma for lunch at PF Changs! YUMMM lettuce wraps!! Well long story short, my car needs to get fixed :[ The ball joints need to be replaced. Sad day. So we didn't end up leaving till 230! To make things better, there was an accident when we were almost out of Mesa. It seriously took 45 minutes to go 3 miles. AWFUL!! So Dan and I ended up talking to each other on speaker phone through the whole accident and were talking about the funniest things.

Long story short...my boyfriend is just the cutest thing ever. And I missed him entirely too much over break.

Who needs 'em right??

Today was the fateful day. At approximately 745 this morning, I was on my way with my lovely mother to get the wisdom removed from my head. I'm pretty sure Dan's holding out that it'll make me a little less smart. Haha just kidding love :]

So I walked into the office about 8 am, and walked back into the surgery room about 805...yeah they were ready to get me in, take the teeth out, and then shoot me out the door. The nurse puts the laughing gas mask over my face and I can't say I'm the biggest fan of it. It starts to dry out the back of your nose!! She told me before she put the mask on though that it would make my fingers and toes tingle and make me feel like I'm floating.

HOLY VERTIGO! I felt like things were starting to spin...not super fast like it would make you sick, but just a little that I was thinking to myself "this isn't right." It's a pretty awkward feeling. The surgeon put the IV into my arm and the next thing I knew, I woke up on the couch at my house with gauze in my mouth.

After I woke up, I was talking to my mom about the little bits and pieces of things I remembered. I remember getting wheeled out into the wheelchair but not getting in the car. I remember looking up at the sky at some point on the drive. I remember my dad putting his arms around me to support me and being slightly frustrated because he had a pretty tight grip on my arm and because I thought I could make it into the house by myself. I remember trying to text Dan back and the keys just not typing the right things! It came out as so much gibberish and I was just trying to tell him that I'd text him later.  It was all in flashes too, just like the movies!

Waking up was the worst after I was already home. Ugh I felt so sick and just went to the sink and threw up. TMI I know...but it happened. It was awful because I didn't want to eat anything but my mom said I had better or else I'd just keep getting sick.

Pretty much my momma is amazing! She's made me whatever I wanted all day long. Shakes, mashed potatoes, and she even grinded up the spaghetti and meatballs we had for dinner so that I could eat it too. Despite the fact that it looked like baby food, it still tasted delish!!

So now I'm sitting here...pretty sick of the fact that I can't open my mouth too wide because it just is super sore and I'm mostly afraid of ripping out the stitches. Gauze and I are not friends right now either. Yuck it's been in my mouth all day long and I just don't want to put anymore in! Oh and I can't feel my bottom teeth or my bottom lip or my ears. LAME!!

Alright I'm done complaining. All in all, it's really not that bad. Honestly, it could me soo much worse! I'm not that swollen and I fully intend on keeping ice on them forever! Especially since I have a special visitor this weekend...and let's face it: swollen cheeks=NOT SEXY.

That's all for the evening. Eating a little ice cream, taking some vicodin, and hitting the sack. Should be a wonderful night's rest. :]

I love my Mom.

Let's just start off by saying she's pretty much the most amazing person in the entire world. Me being the ridiculous girl that I am, was having a day...you know, the days that everything falls apart and you just can't take life anymore. For me, I get them once a month, and have since recognized that the perfect remedy is to cry, let it all out, and then I can move on with life again.

So today was that day. Of all things, I got a calling AND had a pharmacology midterm. Great. Well, I called my mom right before devotional and was talking to her about it and that I knew I was having a day. I told her I'd call her after devotional before she had to get back to teaching. Well, I made it through the opening song and the musical number before I started crying. I made an abrupt exit and ran home, changed, and drove down to the cotton field to run.

I called my mom and was talking to her about all the questions and decisions I have to make and the things that have been weighing on my mind lately. Then, she asked me if I'd said my prayers that morning. Immediately, I realized that I hadn't and that I probably should. My mom is seriously so amazing. She knows exactly what to say and I am forever grateful that she was chosen to be my mom. I need her in more ways that I know and she always knows what to say, whether or not I want to hear it.

I went for a run, got about 2 miles into it, and just stopped and looked around at the place that I've been blessed with to live in for the last year and a half. It's absolutely amazing. I knelt down right there and just prayed to find that peace and comfort and to know that He is mindful of me, that He knows what I'm going through and how I'm feeling. I also wanted to know if dating Dan is the right thing for me to do right now. Lately, I've just been feeling a little unsure, that feeling in the back of my mind that just wouldn't go away. I thought it was just the beginning of a relationship and the uneasiness of it, but I wasn't sure.

As soon as I stood up, there was this overwhelming feeling of peace and assurity that I'm doing the right thing, I'm where I'm supposed to be, and that things will be taken care of in their own time and place. I felt so much love and happiness and I knew that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves me, knows me, and has blessed me with such a wonderful mother that knows and listens to promptings so that I can find answers.

I took my pharmacology test at 4 and it took me a freaking hour to take the dang thing!! Ugh I was so drained by the end of it. I came home and was about to head back to the library to do some anatomy homework that's due on Thursday because, let's face it, I love anatomy and anatomy loves me. It always makes sense. Not like this pharmacology crap.

When I walked into my apartment, there was a flower arrangement on the counter with a card. I looked at it and it was for me!! I was so excited, I had no idea who it was from. I read the card, and it said: Have faith. I know how hard things can get. I love you! Mom. As soon as I read it, I started crying. I walked into my room, and just fell on my bed crying. I couldn't even control it.

I've been so blessed with an amazing mom and I will never be able to thank her enough for everything she's given me. I hope one day I can be a mom like she is, and listen to my children and listen to the Spirit to know what to say to them and to make them feel my love. She's the most incredible person I know. She is so strong and always has good advice for me, but I love that she tells me to turn to my Heavenly Father.

Needless to say, the flowers were the perfect end to the crapiest day. In fact, it completely turned my day around. Mom, I love you. I'll never be able to say it enough, but I do. You're the best!!



"Mama you taught me to do the right things, so now you have to let your baby fly. You've given me everything that I will need to make it through this crazy thing called life."