Christmas 2014

This year was an all-out boycott against Christmas.

Really, I've never felt more like a Scrooge in my entire life.

It was all for good reason you see.

We're making a trip in March to see my most favoritest nephew ever get baptized.

After much discussion and deliberation (flights ain't cheap!), we decided to forego Christmas this year.

We didn't even put up the tree.

This part was pretty unfortunate in retrospect.

I think it would have felt a lot more like Christmas had the tree been up.

But I just didn't trust that this little lady would leave the tree alone.

The absolute LAST thing I wanted to deal with was a destroyed Christmas tree among other things.

Also, starting a new job + finishing school doesn't lend itself well to preparing for Christmas.

Honestly, it was a minor miracle that I even sent out Christmas cards.

Trying to figure out what to get Dan just about sent me over the edge.
All these things combined led to the decision to boycott Christmas this year.
At least the presents aspect of it.

It was one of the most low-key and relaxed Christmases I have ever had, and probably will ever have in my life.
Aside from wishing I had put the tree up, I don't regret for a second the decision to boycott presents.
There was no stress as far as trying to get presents for Dan.
No anxiety the night before over said presents.
I was actually able to sleep the night before.
Minor miracle.

The only real stress was sending out Christmas cards, and Christmas goodies.
And making sure I didn't forget anyone.
In case I forgot you:
Merry Christmas!

This year for our neighbors Dan wanted to make homemade peach jam and Hawaiian sweet bread.
Since Dan was working like a fiend right before Christmas (all those good sales on cars are difficult to pass up!), it was left up to me to make the bread.
I have never made this bread before in my life.
Dan's dad makes it perfectly!
Needless to say, I had a pretty high standard to live up to.
Thankfully, everything turned out just fine.
Total bragging, but I received several compliments on that bread.

My sister had her baby two days before Christmas, so my family was here.
We went to my grandparents, opened a few family presents, and just relaxed.

The low "key-ness" actually gave me an opportunity to reflect on the most important things at Christmas.
Family. Faith. Friends.
The presents are nice.
The tree is nice.
But it's not important.
I looked at my little nativity sitting in the window many many times through December.
I actually never took it down from last year.
It helped me remember that Christmas is about Christ, and the ones we love most.
I count myself blessed to have my little Ruby and my sweet Dan to hold each night.

Proud wife moment

I have to brag about my sweet husband for a moment. 

And I won't apologize for it because I'm his wife and it's my job to brag about him and be proud of him.

Today, Dan had the day off. 

We desperately needed grocery. 

Bare cupboards.  Practically empty fridge and freezer. 

You know the type.

So my sweet husband wanted to go grocery shopping with me.

We hit up Costco and then Walmart. 

As we're standing in line to check out, there's an older lady in front of us. She's a little slow at loading her groceries onto the check out stand. Totally fine. I'm not in a rush or anything.

My sweet husband offered to help her out. 

I was so proud at that moment to remember that this is the man I married. 

He's the one I get to spend the rest of my life and eternity with.

And then I was a little embarrassed that I've never offered to help anyone like that.

She was so sweet and thanked him profusely as he was helping and then again as she left.

My heart swelled in my chest.

There's also a lady standing behind us with two young boys. She's struggling with the both of them. And one is throwing a small tantrum.

Probably nap time.

Seriously I commend her for even venturing out with two kids. 

I don't know if I could do that.

Dan turns to her and asks if he could help her load her groceries on the check out stand.

Again, I felt so proud and happy and then ashamed that I had never done the same for anyone.

She thanked him. 

We left. 

I made the comment that I bet he'd just made their day with a small act of service.

I'm so blessed to have him as my partner and companion.

I'm so grateful that my children will have him as their father.

I'm so grateful he's the type of person who is always thinking of others. 

I hope our children will pick up that attribute from him. 

I hope one day to be half as awesome as he is. 

Thankfully, I get to learn from him each day.

And tomorrow, I get to try again.

I am the luckiest.

Smothered with gravy

Sometimes, I look at our life and feel like all we do is eat, sleep, work, and go to school. That latter part happens to take over my life quite frequently despite my best efforts. We've stayed up many a night and had many a "car chat" and what to do and how to make sure we're okay despite all this business and fluff. Dan definitely gets more upset about it than I do, but I attribute that to him being way more in tune to not only the Spirit, but our relationship as well.

I find myself complacent with where our life is, mostly because I know that school is temporary. Just a little longer. The light is finally at the end of the tunnel and we are almost there. If you'd asked me this last year, I would have totally agreed because it felt like there was no end in sight. But now, here I am. Graduating in December. You have no idea how long I have waited to say that, or even write those words down. No more qualifiers, NEXT December, or December of 2014. No. Now I can just say December. It's a beautiful thing.

Side tracking. I don't want to look back on these years and only remember school. I want to remember all the laughing we did through this tough years, and how these years have helped us to learn to laugh through difficult and tough situations, and through times were we honestly probably did not have time to laugh. If anything, I want to look back on these years, poor college students working and going to school and living in a basement apartment, and smile with fondness because these are the simple years, and the very very blessed years. Not that future years won't be simple or blessed, but these are the years that I help to form and shape the rest of my life. These are the experiences I will relate to my children over and over as they grow up. And I want those to be happy memories, not just a monotonous routine of work, school and sleep.

On that note, we got home last night and I was instantly tired. This is a frequent occurrence from being so "go go go" all the time. We had dinner and were watching an episode of Burn Notice to relax before hitting some homework before bed. We were sitting on our bed, and started wrestling! We do this a lot and it mostly ends in a lot of tickling and laughing till I get the hiccups and someone crying out "UNCLE!!" Last night was no different. I was laughing so hard and had all the blankets shoved up next to my face. Dan was on top of me and tickling me, and I said "I'm being smothered...like gravy!"

He stopped, looked at me with the "What the heck did you just say?" face, and then started laughing. I probably said it a few more times because he totally didn't understand what I was saying. A few minutes later, I realized I probably should've said I felt like a potato being smothered in gravy. Equally weird, but we were rolling on the floor laughing. We do that a lot. Mostly at stupid things I say or my punitive attempt to whistle every time my cell phone rings (it's a whistling tune). But laughing breaks up the stress and monotony of school. Laughing keeps you happy. Laughing keeps the heart and soul young.

(Dan's surprise birthday party, 2011)

High on life

You guys...today has been a great day. Phenomenal, in fact. I did not think it would end this way, considering everything I had to do today.

Last night, I was studying and finishing up some homework that was due this morning. I went to bed around 12:30 and woke up at 5 this morning to get everything finished. No sleep for nursing students. Anyway, I get ready, finish the homework and head to school. We had a Professionalism Conference today...blah. Really, these things are kind of a drag. The keynote speaker always loses me 15 minutes into the presentation. It didn't help today that I had to study for a test I was taking later that day. 

To make it even better, they dimmed the lights. It should be cardinal rule during any presentation that extends longer than 30 minutes that you MUST do the following:
1. Keep the room cold--okay, not so much cold, but definitely NOT warm
2. Keep the bright lights on
3. Be engaging, or at least entertaining--powerpoint is not engaging. Or at least that's what they tell us in school. And it wouldn't hurt if they threw in a joke every now and then.

So anyway, we get through the keynote speaker (hallelujah) and then we had 3-30 minute break out sessions. Usually these are kind of a drag too. Surprisingly, and gratefully, today they were not. They were actually quite interesting. Well, 2/3 were interesting, which is a pretty good run for these professionalism conferences.

We get lunch, and then some of us had to rush off to a Global Health information meeting. Next summer, we get to participate in a global health semester, which is the semester where most people go abroad (Ghana, Tonga, Taiwan, India...). I have always planned on staying in Utah for this semester--I'm a little attached to my husband and sleeping in my own bed next to him. Today, I had quite a little revelation, or inspiration. Whatever you want to call it. It was awesome! And a little daunting.

The instructors started talking about the group that goes to Washington D.C. for their study abroad. Something about their little 2 minute presentation really spoke to me, and I just had this feeling, the small little ones in the back of your mind, telling me that's where I wanted to and needed to go. I went to a little informational meeting about it, and I kept getting more and more excited.

But the excitement had to be put on hold. I had to study for a test, which proved to be quite difficult. I could not for the life of me focus. But FINALLY (after 3 hours of dinking around trying to study), I buckled down, studied hard, and sailed pretty well through the test. I was so happy with my grade! It was an entire letter grade improvement from the first test--who wouldn't be happy with that.

Then I was able to get back to the excitement of Global Health. I talked to Dan, and he instantaneously said yes! I had to ask him 3 or 4 or 10 times if he was sure he was okay with me being gone for 8 days and spending a little extra money to go to D.C. He was. He's awesome!! So kids, I did it. I signed up to go to D.C. for my global health study abroad and I'm so so excited about it. And Dan is already brainstorming ways for us to help raise a little money to pay for some of the cost to go (he really is the best husband ever!).

Anyway, I'm a little high on life right now. I've had a great day, which is quite the change from Friday (thank goodness) and I just feel so so blessed in my life to have married the man I did, to be at the school I'm at, and to be in this wonderful nursing program that has presented me with countless opportunities to grown, succeed, and diversify myself from other nursing students. I feel truly and richly blessed.

Happy Monday everyone!

*Side note: I realized that I should probably blog more often so that it's not just "I hate my life" rants and "Life is awesome" posts. Just a thought--it may or may not happen. I just can't quite commit to that one.

Love songs

I have this theory that once you get married (or are in a pretty seriously committed relationship) that all love songs start to apply to you. They each carry this meaning to you and you find yourself relating to each and every one...or at least I do. Maybe that makes me crazy, or insane. Maybe not.

There's always that one song that gets you every time. For me, it's the song Dan and I danced to at our wedding. It doesn't come on the radio, only courtesy of youtube, but it always takes me right back to that moment, where for a split second in time, it was all about us. Everyone was watching, and I was so lost in that moment I couldn't have cared for a second. He was everything I'd ever dreamed about, everything I'd ever wanted, and in that moment, my life was complete. Everything was absolutely perfect. I found my forever, my soul mate, my best friend, the one who gets me like no one else ever really could. 

Even 2 1/2 years later, he's still the only one that really gets me, and the one I run to for everything. He's the one at the end of the day I want to share all my stories with, and he never gets tired of them. He's the one I text during the middle of the day when I've had an epiphany or learned something great in school, or had the opportunity to perform a skill in clinical (no matter how disgusting or grotesque it may be). He's the one that always supports me, and sometimes carries my dreams for me when I've had enough and can't go on.

He's the one that loves me, truly loves me for me--all my flaws and imperfections. I probably would have driven anyone else crazy by now.

My heart is set on you. I don't want no one else.

Stuck like glue

There's something about country music. Something in the lyrics or the music that speaks to my soul. There is always something or some part in the song that I find myself identifying with, something that makes me really think.

After I got married, I found myself to be much more emotional that I was used to, due in part to some crazy pills, but I think a lot of it had to due with the simple truth that I shared my entire life with someone now. It was no longer just me on my own. It was the two of us, in it for the long haul. Forever. It was the thought that things can change in an instant and I could suddenly be missing half of me. Something changed after I said "yes" across that temple altar. I became a part of a whole.

This morning driving to school, a song came on the radio. Yes, it was Sugarland (FAV!) and this song came out when Dan and I were dating or had just gotten married. I love it. It's adorable, and slightly stalkerish. But hey, when you're part of a whole, I think you earn the divine right to be a little sappy and a little stalkerish.

You and me, baby, we're stuck like glue!

Lucky

It's a great feeling knowing at the end of the day that your husband is making you a better person.  And that your marriage is making you better.

He really is the BEST!!

Indulge me for a minute or two to brag about my most excellent husband.

So last night, I went to sleep around 11 (I had clinical at 545 the next morning in Salt Lake, so I had to get up early) and apparently I woke up around 12 last night, got right out of bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and started to get ready for clinical. Dan was just staring at me and then had to tell me that it was only 12, and to go back to sleep. I obliged, and climbed back in bed.

Well 230 rolled around, I woke up again, this time with some seriously intense stomach pain. I'll spare you the details, but it wasn't pretty. I pretty much just curled myself up in the fetal position and was trying to breathe through the nausea. My sweet husband rubbed my back and ran his fingers through my hair for what seemed like hours until I fell asleep. My alarm went off at 430, still felt like crap, long story short didn't go to clinical.

Come to find out when I woke up for real at 10 am this morning that he had stayed up till 5 this morning, making sure I was okay and that I didn't need anything. This guy had work at 11 this morning, and pretty much only got 5 hours of sleep, because he was taking care of me. Even when I was asleep.

I just love the crap out of him. I have always said he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it's these super selfless moments, when I would have never known if he'd fallen asleep or not, that I realize just how blessed I am, and as sappy as it sounds, I fall more in love with him. He's definitely my other half, and I'll spend the rest of my life just trying to keep up with him.

He knows me

A couple of days ago, well more like the last week, has felt like climbing the mountain of trials and challenges. I won't bore you with the details, but it had just been a rough couple of days. So I remembered that I hadn't read my scriptures and decided that I really needed to read them. It had been one of those days where I just didn't quite know how we would make it through this one. Not going to lie, I felt like, in that moment, that my Heavenly Father had forgotten about me a little bit, and I felt myself losing a little bit of faith. (I was pretty emotional at the time...hence the irrational thoughts/feelings).
I came across this scripture while I was reading:

But that ye have patience, and bear with all those

afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day

rest from all your afflictions.

-Alma 34:41

I have heard of people having the experiences where they flip open the scriptures and the answer to their challenge/question/trial, but I've never had that happen to me. This time it did. And I was extremely grateful for it.

It reminded me more than anything to have patience, and more importantly, hope. That one day all this will be over, and one day I will find eternal rest and peace.

To make it that much better, when one door closed, the window opened, and we're going to make it.

And to make it THAT much more better (yes...more better) I have this guy by my side each and every day to help me through anything that comes our way.
I know that with him, we can get through anything.
There's no one else I'd rather have by my side than him, and I know my Heavenly Father knew that I would need him.
I still say that I'm so grateful to this day that He and I agreed on him.

 5.13.11: Best decision I ever made.

Sunday afternoons on the beach

Yesterday afternoon was exactly what Dan and I needed. This summer has been rough, albeit rewarding, but definitely a struggle on all fronts. It's been so busy and so go go go that honestly I can't believe I'm going back to school in 2 weeks. FLOWN by!

So yesterday after Church, we came home, ate some lunch, watched some Olympics highlights, and then we headed out. There's this lake/reservoir out in Westminster and Dan had been there for a lunch break a few weeks earlier when he was selling out there. It was so awesome becuase they ahve this little parking lot just off the main road that you can park and walk into the reservoir. Best part: you don't have to pay!!

Now I don't know about you, but swimming on Sunday was a "no-no" when I was growing up. Dan on the other hand, things were a little different. They'd go to the beach after Church...and when at the beach, you go swimming. So we compromised at wading in the water.

It was super relaxing and a BEAUTIFUL day outside. PERFECT in fact. The sand was soft and the water was somewhat warm. That (for lack of a better word) perfect water. It was the best thing for Dan and I to just have a few minutes together, and to be outside, and to relax. Just about the PERFECT remedy for a LESS THAN perfect summer.

Back to Provo in a couple weeks. I'm kind of excited about it actually. SURPRISINGLY.

I love him. FOREVER.

THE END.

True. Honest. Love.

I heard this song while watching the Bachelorette the other night and I fell in love. Completely, and hopelessly in love with it. Like I kind of wish I would have found it before Dan and I got married so we could have danced to it. Oh well, I'm coming up with a whole new list of songs to be our songs. (Don't barf at that...sorry I'm sentimental today).

Anyway, so last night...actually the last couple of weeks...have been killer stressful on both Dan and I. Let's just say that between me working 50+ hours a week and Dan working at least 70, we don't really have a lot of...alone time per say. We just don't have time to sit and talk to each other and just enjoy each others company. It's quite sad actually. So the point of that was all this frustration reared an ugly head last night. And I took that frustration out on Dan. Horrible. Completely awful actually.

I hate fighting, but at the same time, I feel like after we get over it, we get so much closer. We grow closer. We fight for what we want, and we fight to stay together, to work it out, and to grow closer, and move towards forever.

I think at the end of it, fighting makes me want this to work more. It forces me to realize how much I want him in my life, by my side, forever. Bottom line, I love Dan. I love having him by my side through everything. He's my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him.

"I could hold out my arms, say 'I love you this much.' I could tell you how long I will long for your touch. How much and how far would I go to prove the depth and the breadth of my love for you?
From here to the moon and back: Who else in the world will love you like that?
Love everlasting, I promise you that, from here to the moon and back."

Friday the 13th.

I'm not a superstitious person. Never have been. It's something I pride myself on a little bit.
In fact, I'm so not superstitious that I chose to get married on May 13th...which happened to be a Friday. My dad even asked me when I was planning the wedding if I didn't want to move it up a day and get married on the 12th. I said nope!! (of course!)

Looking back...I just wanted to share a couple of my favorite pictures from that day.

Walking out of the temple. I distinctly remember after the sealing and everyone had walked out of the room, it was just Dan and I, we were smiling uncontrollably, and I could finally breathe. Like all of this pressure and stress to make sure we were in the right place at the right time was lifted. We had made it. And we're together for time and ALL eternity. The best feeling in the entire world.

Some of the friends and family that were able to be there and share our day.

I miss these two girls more than words can say. I love love love our skype times more than anything, and it's so good to catch up and realize how great my best friends are. We're crazy, we're silly, and we definitely still have not changed. I can't wait till we're all in the same state again!!!

Over the last year and a half, I've come to realize how truly great and wonderful my sisters are. Really. I lucked out with my in laws, and I couldn't ask for better sisters. I love talking to them! I love feeling comfortable around them too, like I really belong to this family. I couldn't ask for better sisters than Jami and Rhianna.

I love love love these girls. And I'd do anything for them. Being married, and moving away has been so good for our relationships because I really want to talk to them and hear about their lives, where before I really took it for granted how much I saw them and got to spend time with them. I really think you grow closer as a family when you have to branch out and grow.

This picture always makes me laugh because Dan and I were both so so tired. Running on no sleep and no food for the last 2 days. So graciously, Wendy Terry offered to run down to the Circle K and get us some drinks. Naturally, I chose the dew...of course. And Dan did too. It was amazing, and I'm so glad that BrieAnna got a picture with the drinks in it!

Love my girlfriends! Even though we've all gone separate ways, I love seeing little news feeds pop up on FB about how their doing. And one of these lovely ladies is getting married tomorrow!! Congrats Jacq!

Dan and I had the best friends at EA! Seriously, the BEST group of friends. And 3 of the people in this picture are getting married this year...so far. I'm sure there will be more. I love looking at pictures of us and remembering all the good times we had in Thatcher, all the trouble we got into, and the many many nights of exciting games/pranks/bonfires/river expeditions.

Cutting the cake. Love this picture. One of my all time faves.

Dancing with my daddy.
"I loved her first" by Heartland

So much in love...you're alone in this place, like there's nobody else in the world.

"Give In to Me" Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester

Happy Friday the 13th. I think it's my favorite day ever.
Love my husband. And I'm so so grateful to have him forever :]

Some days I really hate myself

One of those days is today. Seriously.

I have been such a mess the last couple of days, and to be completely honest I have no idea why. I'd like to blame Mother Nature, but let's be real...it's a crap excuse. A couple of nights ago, I came home from work and could not stop crying and it's just going downhill from there. Last night, I was just pissed at the world and I completely took it out on Dan. Just to cry some more and fall into his arms. Then this morning, I got mad about something else. Something in retrospect (and I think I knew it at the time too) that was so so stupid. So stupid. We were just yelling (okay let's be real...Dan doesn't yell...I do) and it just sucked. Period.

And I cried...more.

Honestly I hated myself this morning.
I still hate myself a little bit now for the way I acted this morning.

And it was in that frustration of this morning that I realized how incredibly lucky I am. I have the most amazing and understanding and wonderful husband in the entire world. Because he loves me through it all, and he just held me for a good part of the morning.

I'm so so lucky to have him and I don't know what I'd ever do without him. Ever.

I love him...so so much. So much so that it hurts sometimes. I've never met someone who makes me so frustrated and so mad sometimes, but he's seriously the only person I've ever wanted to talk to when I'm mad.

Anyway. I love my husband. And I take him for granted far too often.

That needs to change. Right now.

So here's my resolution: I am going to show my husband how much I really do cherish and appreciate him.

We like to wrestle on Sundays

Often times these wrestling matches end with Dan getting elbowed in the head. All completely unintentional of course.

This last Sunday in particular I got pictures of it, which I might add is quite the difficult task.

This is how it always starts. Cute and cuddly. Then someone (usually me) pokes the other in a ticklish spot...and it's all downhill from there.

See what I mean...it's already started. 

Then Dan starts stealing the blankets! We were in the middle of washing the sheets or else I'm sure they would have ended up wrapped around someone at some point too.

The little stinker has the nerve to stick his tongue out at me!!

...which winds him up on the floor crying because I accidentally elbowed him the in forehead. Honestly this elbow throwing happens quite frequently and totally by accident. Poor Dan! It happened just tonight in fact, but we'll save that elbowing story for another day.

Said accidental elbowing then leads to the dragging on the floor. Seriously...Dan grabbed me by the ankles and dragged me off our bed and into the living room. Thank goodness I didn't get carpet burn or I would have been PISSED!!!

Drag-age destination: Living room

where I got rolled up in our blanket! Just like the dead body you're trying to dispose of!

And the best part....after the elbow throwing and wrapping up of dead bodies, he still gives me a kiss to make up :] 

We laugh...A LOT

Case in point: We're getting ready for bed, and I'm sure I made some smart alleck comment (we're already laughing at this point) and Dan says THAT'S IT! and starts to run around the bed to wrestle me. Well...he only made it around the corner before he totally tripped and biffed it onto the floor. He tripped on the phone charger that he had in his had.

So he crashed and burned straight into the floor. And I fell off the bed I was laughing so hard.

We laugh...a lot. And I want to remember these laughs. They keep us young.

The Perfect Marriage

I've been wanting to write about this since yesterday but I didn't quite know how to say it. I still don't, but I can't get it out of my head and it really really needs to leave so I can focus on other things in my life.

The perfect marriage...what is it? Where does it start?

For me, it started right here...

For me, it started out as a forever kind of love, in the right kind of place, with the perfect man for me right by my side.

It was everything and more that I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. It's everything I had been taught in primary and throughout young women's unfolding right before my eyes.

It has been the greatest struggle of my entire life.
It has been the greatest blessing in my entire life.
It has been the greatest decision for my life.


In my eyes, the perfect marriage is the one you will go to hell and back for, the one you stay up all night fighting and crying for, and the one that at the end of the day, you're so so grateful you get to curl up next to them at night and sleep.

I tell Dan a lot that I'm the lucky one in this marriage, that I scored big and I definitely married up in all respects. I don't know that I tell him enough though. Our marriage is no where near perfect, but I wouldn't trade all the time we've had together and all the fights we've had for the world. Because after those fights, there's a sweet surrender and a realization that as angry and hurt as we might be, there's no where else I'd rather be in the entire world than right there with him, struggling and fighting and loving him, all at the same time. It's a complicated feeling. It's a complicated love.
Love is complicated. Period.

I really don't think they prepare you enough for marriage growing up. I know we all get the devotionals and the young womens/mens lessons about finding the right person and making sure you keep your standards high and date the people with your same values and standards, but I really don't think they teach you what to do after. After you find the right person. After you get married in the temple. After. It almost gets pushed off to the side and it kind of feels like they shove you out the doors and say good luck! Call us if you need anything!

I know this really isn't how it goes, and I'm definitely dramatizing it, but oblige me for a few minutes.

It seems like all around us, people we know, and even friends, are fighting and having trouble in their marriage. Quite honestly, I hate hearing about it. I don't mind being the listening ear that a friend needs, but it sucks to hear about that kind of stuff because then it gets me all worried about them, and to be frank, I don't have enough hours in the day to worry about myself and my marriage, and I definitely do not have the hours to worry about theirs. That sounds harsh, but I'm a straight forward kind of person.  I always have been.

Anyway, I listen and think to myself, there has to be some sort of program or class that you could go to before you get married. Like a marriage prep class. A legit one. I told Dan the other day (and don't get offended if I'm wrong) that if the Church held a class as sort of an "After the I do's" to open people's eyes into what marriage really is, I don't think nearly as many people would get divorced as do now. I mean, so much time and effort is taken to make sure you're prepared to go through the temple, why not a class to help prepare you for what married life is really like?

I love love love being married. It's by far the best decision I've ever made in my life. But it is hard. It is really freaking hard. And if you don't want it, if you don't need that relationship, that companionship in your life, you'll never make it. Forever is a really long time and that decision should not be made lightly. So much time and effort is put into teaching us to find the right person, and I think sometimes we get so caught up in that that we forget to be the right person for someone else. We forget those traits and qualities within ourselves.

I heard this quote somewhere, and I have absolutely loved it: You have to like yourself single if you're ever going to like yourself married.

I loved myself single (that sounds horrible, but roll with me). Ask any of my friends, I was happy and crazy and so completely comfortable with myself and who I am that I really didn't care what anyone else thought of me. I love myself married. I'm not nearly as crazy anymore, at least not in public. I still do some pretty weird things around the house and Dan just looks and me and laughs. I think he know's it's the Raegan and Abbie coming out in me. I still do not care what anyone thinks of me, and I'm happy.

I think the perfect marriage is one that you can be yourself in, the one that accepts you with all your flaws and all the imperfections, and still loves you just the same if not more. It's the one that compliments your strengths and weaknesses. It's the one where love grows deep within your soul each and every day. It's the one that encourages you to keep trying to keep pushing through the failures and the bumps in the road. It's the one that builds you up on the very worst of days. It's the one that does not accept failure as an option. It's the one that is centered and founded upon Christ.

Perfect is complicated. Perfect is negotiable. Perfect is whatever you make it. Perfect is perfect for you.

I love Dan more than words will ever be able to express. I hope my actions reflect even the smallest portion of the love I feel for him. He's my rock and strength, and if I have learned anything in this last year it's that I need him in my life and with him and the Lord on my side, I can conquer any mountain one step at a time. We're no where near perfect, but we're perfect for each other. And I wouldn't trade that love for the world.

Happy One Year Anniversary (one month and one day late :]).

And here's to many many more to come...

TODAYYYY...

I'm living in Denver Colorado. I love it, most days. The only days I don't like it are when I get sunburned driving to work, and when Dan gets bloody noses because the air is so dry here. Oh and the days that the sun comes up before 630...which is every day. But it's growing on me. I don't sleep in passed 730 anymore, not that I could with school, but I might as well keep up the schedule right?

I work for Dan's company in the office taking care of "samedays" and initial services. It's good work and even better money, but let's say putting in around 50 hr a week...not okay. Starting Monday though I go to part time...thank goodness! Let's just put it this way, I'm way too involved in the inner workings of the company between the salesman and the techs. It's just too much. I just want to be a wife, Dan's wife, and work a couple days a week.

Anyway, we do love it here. It's been such a great experience thus far and it's only going up from here. I haven't blogged in a long time. I need to. I suck at writing in journals, it takes too long, and I might as well just keep a blog.

My one year anniversary is on Sunday. So is Mother's day. It kind of seems fitting. Honestly, when I first found out that's when my anniversary was going to be, I was a little miffed. Thank you leap year. But I went and bought some Mother's Day cards for my momma and my mother in law. It just seems right that we get to celebrate the joining of our families and the huge blessing our mothers are in our lives.

Sunday will be a much, much better post. But it was just a thought.

I've been really cranky lately. I quick the pills, the birth control pills that is, and I think they're still working their way out of my system. I feel a lot more emotional, but I think that's probably a good thing. I feel happier anyway, and that was honestly the whole reasoning behind it. I wanted to be happy again. Honestly truly blissfully happy. And I'm getting there. I'm going running again in the mornings, and I just feel like I'm finding myself again, finding the girl my husband married, the woman he loves. I'm finding her again, and that is one of the best feelings, aside from being unconditionally loved.

I love you Dan. Thank you for being patient with me, and loving me anyway.

Dumpage

So don't mind my absentee blog writerness. Let's just say school has been slightly challenging, I started a new job that I really do enjoy, and life is just peachy keen. But...here's some picture's that have just been itching to get off my phone. Enjoy. 

Dan went on a manager's retreat a couple of month's ago that was in Heber. They stayed at this legit cabin and the company had rented the cabin through Saturday night, so Dan came home, picked me up, and we stayed Saturday night at the cabin with Allister and Maria and their boys and Nate and Brayden. It was pretty entertaining and a nice little getaway from Provo for the night. We drove around a little bit on Sunday morning and saw these deer up on the hill! It was pretty exciting!!

Arizona trip President's day weekend. Finally home again, to the place where I belong. I've missed this place and getting to see it all the time. Never thought I'd miss that one horse town, but all it took was to see that temple rolling into town and I was home again.

Two favorite boys on their birthday with yellow cake cupcakes and chocolate frosting per Dan's request. Love them both. (PS. just in case anyone is confused...this is  my nephew)

We watch Kason every Wednesday night, and a couple of weeks ago it was just he and I. Dan was in Idaho. So Kason took my phone and was taking pictures of everything in his house. Then I started taking pictures of him making faces. This one is a personal fav of mine. Definitely going to miss this little spit fire when they move to Germany.

AZ trip: Ben and Tassy's wedding reception. They lit off Chinese lanterns! Just like in Tangled!! It looked so cool. Camera's just can't quite capture what the human eye can see.

December ish...our floor was leaking water. When the toilet would flush. SICK!!! It took almost a week to fix. Thankfully, it's fixed...and has been for quite some time. It was super weird when we figured it out and then to try and explain it to any plumber we called...yeah that was fun too.

More toilet water disgustingness. PS. This was leaking into our kitchen. SICK!!!! I think I went through a whole thing of bleach cleaning the kitchen.

I think this is the perfect shampoo for me! Straightener...you have met your match!

Valentine's Day Dinner. Love my honey. He was so sweet and surprised me with a bear at work and then had this romantic dinner all prepared when I got home from work. <3

He's so cute!

I got this note today when I came home from work. I absolutely love him a lot a lot a lot.

Buffalo Wild Wings for Dan's birthday. We waited an hour and a half before we even sat down! The line was RIDICULOUS!! I can't even believe we honestly waited that long...for WINGS!!!!!

I still can't decide if this was a good decision or not. Haha the color is growing on me more and more.

Mid-hole pulling through. Dan was so good to pull my hairs through.

The blonde mess....I looked like white trash. Ghettooooo fabulous. I think it's toned down a lot from then. But then again, maybe I'm just getting used to it. Oh dear.

One thing I WISH I could have gotten a picture of...so my birth control prescription jumped from $25 a month to $85, and let's be real, who can afford that? Certainly not me. So I did the only thing a BYU college student with ghetto fabulous hair trying not to get pregnant can do...I went to planned parenthood and got me a new prescription...and for $18 a month!! Woot woot. But there was this awkward clear uterus that was in the exam room to advertise/display/I'm not really sure for nuva ring. I wish I could have taken a picture of that. But...alas some things are just not meant for photographs.

It's been an interesting...and fun couple of months. 6 weeks left of school and then off to Denver!!! I'm so so excited for the summer. I'll have time for the gym, time to lay out poolside, oh...and time to blog. That's always a good thing to write my life out, at least somewhat.

Don't you fake it

Sometimes I'm really ungrateful. Like a lot actually. Most of the time it's towards my husband. Unfortunately, I don't take the time often enough to tell him how much he means to me, and how truly grateful I am for him each and every day.

Let's just start at the top...I didn't have to work at all this last semester. Do you have any idea how wonderful that is? He got not one, but two jobs and has more than taken care and provided for us. I am so grateful that I've just had to focus on school this semester and getting good grades. It's still been rather pathetic (my attempt at school this semester) but it's been nice to not have to worry about that.

He honors his priesthood like I've never seen. I never have to question his worthiness when I ask for a blessing because I know the kind of man he is, the kind that always makes sure within himself that he is worthy. It reminds me of my dad, and one of the greatest things I love about him.

Dan is always making me laugh about something, and he likes to do so by pestering me! But it always changes my mood, and I end up laughing hysterically. He brings out the best in me, at least I think so.

I love him with everything that I have, and more. It's amazing how much love grows, especially when you sacrifice and go through trials together. I've said it before, but I'm going to say it again. I thought I loved him when I married him, but honestly compared to how much I love him now, it's pretty pathetic looking back.

He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and because of him I'm better, and I want to be better.

Life is an awful beautiful ride, and I intend to spend each and every minute right along side him.

Seven

Life is creeping up on me. And I'm not entirely a fan. In fact, I'm not that much of a fan at all. Today is our seven month anniversary. Don't judge that I'm excited about it. In all honesty, I have no idea where these last seven months have gone. But they've been absolutely wonderful.

It's the best thing in the entire world to know that when life gives you lemons, you don't have to make lemonade by yourself. You've got someone to share it with. Someone to laugh with you, cry with you. Someone to confide in, and someone to tell all the crazy things that pop into your head to (or maybe that one only applies to me....and well Raegan).

In the last seven months, I've learned so much about myself. A lot of things that I didn't know. First of all, I'm pretty selfish. That's horrible. And if you already knew this about me, why on earth didn't you say something?! I'm getting better at this though. I kind of think that learning to rely on someone else brings out the selfishness in you...stick with me on this one...and actually relying on them kind of sloughs off that selfishness because you realize it's not just you going through life anymore. You've got someone that falls when you fall, and someone that's also there to support you through your trials.

I have some of the best friends anyone in this entire world could ever ask for. I could just leave it at that and call it good. But I really do. It is one of the best feelings to know that you have friends that understand that life happens and sometimes you just can't keep in constant contact with them. I love that we could have not talked in ages, but just a text hello, or a hope you're doing well, and things pick up right where they were left. Those are the friends you keep for a lifetime. I for one, fully intend on that. I love having friends that you can call to vent the frustrations of life, only to have them tell you to buck it up, and grin and bear it because it sounds a lot like life. Sometimes all you need is a good kick in the butt to put that smile back on your face.

I married the most incredible man, and he is absolutely perfect for me. He has dreams and ambitions that I would have never even thought of at this point in our life. But he never stops thinking of things to do, or businesses that he wants to start. The best part is, I know he'll get there, because that's the kind of person he is. When he wants something, he gets it. Lately, he's been watching this show called Shark Tank. Brief overview, business entrepreneurs come to these 5 billionaires and ask for x amount of money for x amount of equity in their business, and they either strike a deal with them, or don't. So Dan was telling me about a business he wants to start, and I made the joke that he should go on shark tank and get an investment. His response: Heck no! I'm doing it the old-fashioned, American way! See what I mean? Drive and ambition. He's going places, and I'm lucky enough to be on the ride with him.

The Lord really knows what is best for me. It absolutely broke my heart when I decided not to do nursing school last year at EA. It shook my faith a little bit, and I felt so lost for awhile. Obviously, the Lord had bigger plans for me--like getting married and moving to Provo. I've gained such a great testimony of the love my Heavenly Father has for me. He could obviously see that this is what was going to be best for me and our family, and that this was the place we needed to be. It has been the hardest year watching 4 of my good friends start nursing school, and now they're done with their first year. I can't even tell you how many times I called my mom just crying because I felt so frustrated, defeated, and honestly let down. This was my dream! It had been my dream since I was just a little girl. But I've learned that life is not on my timing. Heck, it's never been on my time table. It's on the Lord's. And in the last seven months, I've really come to appreciate and recognize His hand in my life.

I am so privileged to be at BYU. I've never been one of those people that had their heart set on BYU. All my life, I've avoided it like the plague. I've sneared at people that praise it, with disgust. After being here a semester though, I think I can kind of understand why people talk about it the way they do. I'll still never be one of those people, but it really is a great school. I think this semester, I've taken the most from my Book of Mormon class. I have learned so much, and have developed such a love for it, and all the people that sacrificed so much to make sure that I would have it one day. I love the element of the gospel that gets applied to every class. It just brings everything full circle. I also get to be here with my sister, and that has been a huge blessing to have her close. I feel like we really got to be friends, and not just sisters, after I left for college. So it's been so awesome to have her so close, and still get to be friends and sisters. I love hearing all her stories, and it just makes me laugh because so many of them remind me of all the shennanigans Raegan, Abbie and I would get into.

I've come to really appreciate the principle of eternal marriage. I can't imagine being without Dan ever. It's amazing how much you think you love someone, only to realize days and weeks later, that that love has grown. I thought I loved him the day I married him, and I did, but looking back at how much that love has grown over seven short months is amazing. I love that I get to be with him forever! We have some close friends that we miss so so much, and they're getting sealed as a family with their little girl in January. I have been so blessed to be associated with them, and I'm beyond ecstatic for them! It has made me appreciate my eternal marriage that much more, and watching them work towards this goal as a family has been such a testimony builder of conquering trials and reaching your goals. We love you guys so so much!!

I don't really know where to end this, but I've been so richly blessed in my life, and I'm so eternally grateful for it all. This life is no picnic, that's for sure. But today is just one of those days that I get to celebrate the amazing person I picked to have right beside me the entire way. I love you Dan. Forever and ever. :]