2011...what you were all about

January: I went back to school at EA to start my last semester there. I had no idea where I was going to go after that, but I knew I was graduating that semester.

February: Things got pretty serious between Dan and I. We knew we were going to get married, just not when or any of those other minor details. I also applied to BYU. It was pretty much the only option I had left. ASU's nursing program was just a numbers game, and I couldn't count on that. So I applied.

March: We got engaged!!! That's right! We were getting married. Then commenced the insufferable wedding planning. Just kidding, it really wasn't bad, mostly because I didn't care. Sorry Mom!! We went wedding dress shopping over spring break and found the perfect dress!

April: I found out I got into BYU...so after Texas we were headed to Provo. School was winding down for the semester, and I think it finally started to hit me that I would really miss Thatcher.

May: I went through the temple for my own endownments. That was such a special day for both of us. I loved every minute of it. Actually I was pretty violently sick 3 days before...like throwing up and peeing out my bum (sorry for the visual). So I didn't really eat anything and my mom was all freaked out I would pass out during the temple ceremony.
Oh...and we got married...and moved to Texas, where it's hotter than Satan's balls....and gradumacated from EAC. Woot woot!!

June: May was pretty busy, and June was a nice month of relaxation. I got to be great friends with Jaynee, and I'm so grateful that we did become friends. Oh and I got a wicked tan. I guess that Texas sun and heat is good for something.

July: Fourth of July bbq with Edge, and more of Dan selling door to door. Still had a wicked tan. It was awesome.

August: Jaynee left Texas so she could hang out in Pima, and LEAVE ME...but mostly so that Izzee girl could come whenever she decided to. The A/C went out in the car. We were sweating our little hineys off anywhere we went. We had to replace an engine mount on the car...and then everything worked perfectly!! Seriously, we found the best mechanic that fixed our car for a screamin deal!! But on the brighter side of things, we did get GREAT gas mileage while the A/C was out. I left to come to Provo and started school the last week in August.

September: You sucked. I was alone. It was awful. But on the brighter side (again) I started watching Kason once a week while Jami was at institute, and that was actually pretty fun. He definitely kept me on my toes. I also had class with Caitlin twice a week, and that was always entertaining. Then Dan came home!!! Woo hoo!! HAPPY HAPPY DAY!!!

October: General Conference was awesome! Loved it. Halloween was awesome at Jeni's house! Oh and I found out I got into the nursing program at BYU!!

November: Thanksgiving!! It was so good to see my family again. They came up for Thanksgiving and we had it with the Kimball side of the family. Black Friday shopping...at 10am. So much better than 4am.

December: The long (actually short) haul to finals. Finals. Shoot me. School's out!! And our very first Christmas together. I still have to blog about that. It was awesome though. I love it. And tonight is New Years Eve. Pretty excited about that!!

2011 has been wonderful. I learned a lot about myself as a person, and as a friend, especially adapting to the marriage relationship. It's been a learning experience, but an enjoyable and exciting one. And it can only up from here.

All these things shall give thee experience

Man alive I have not blogged in almost a month (tomorrow). And that's definitely got to change. Honestly though, I can't say I've wanted to blog. There's nothing exciting or funny going on as of late and all it would be is just complaining and whining about how much I miss Dan and being alone sucks. Word.

But, my tune is about to change very soon. Dan is coming home next week!! I can't even begin to describe how excited I am about that. I'm so glad that he's going to be home and we won't ever have to be apart like this again. Seriously, if you ever have a choice: don't do this. It's awful. I won't lie to you or spare you the details. I cry a lot. And I've decided I really hate being alone. I miss my friends. I've been looking back on the pictures from Thatcher and it makes me so depressed. I really never thought I'd miss that one horse town, but I do. And I miss Arizona....a lot. Call me crazy, but I miss the desert and the cactus and the dirt.

I didn't get too attached to Texas...actually I was never attached to Texas...because I knew it was temporary. I went into that experience knowing it was temporary. Probably why I was glad to leave it. I miss the girls there. I miss going to the gym and dragging Jaynee along with me. I miss laying out at the pool and having real conversations with Jaynee and Abby (probably the only real social contact we had all day till our husbands came home). I miss Maria and the boys. They're a bunch of little spit fires, but you can't help but love them.

At the end of the day, I really just miss Dan and want so badly for him to be here. This bed has never felt so big and empty. I find myself sleeping in the middle so it doesn't feel that way. I'm sure Dan won't appreciate that too much when he gets here and I'm in his space.

But in retrospect, all of these things have forced me (yes forced...because I didn't choose this willingly) to grow up a little bit more, to still rely on myself for things, and to rely on my Heavenly Father. I really think I've said more prayers in the middle of the night in the last 2 weeks than I have in a long long time. But He's there. And I know He's there. He hears me and He is answering my prayers each and every day, because most days I can wake up and find something to smile about. The great weather outside, the mini work out I get every day from those atrocious stairs (they're still kicking my butt), and my cute little apartment that I get to come home to every day.

My sister in law, now she's something else. She's got strength that I hope in time to find within myself. She reminded me that I need to rely on the Lord, and that even though it won't take the loneliness away, His love can provide a sense of comfort. I've been learning that too. Slowly but surely, I'm recognizing Him more and more every day in my life. I hope this isn't setting me up for something bigger though. That would not be cool. But if that's what is asked of me, then that's what I'll do.

I was walking to my car Wednesday after class and it was definitely a downer day. I couldn't help but feeling alone and abandoned almost. The phrase from a scripture "all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy benefit" popped into my head. I just helped me to see that I am being watched over, He knows what I'm going through, and He's not leaving me alone.

Anyway, this has been kind of a downer post. It totally wasn't supposed to be. But I guess, for me at least, I don't hide how I feel. I'm getting a little big stronger. I can say though, that out of this experience, I've gained so much respect for anyone who has had to be without their husbands or wives for extended amounts of time. They are amazing. Hands down.

"Do not pray for easier lives. Pray to be stronger."

Today I'm grateful

So I was writing in my journal this morning about an experience that had happened on Sunday and I realized that I'm leaving in 9 days. 9. We're not even in the two digits anymore. I find myself practically biting my tongue off so that Dan will go to work instead of begging him to stay. Begging him to just lay in bed with me and hold me for the rest of the day. I think that's my favorite part about our entire day. I get to wake up with his arms around me and go to bed with them around me. He came home for lunch and to go pick up our car from the mechanic shop. I was just relishing the moment and kind of taking it all in, and it's making me sad. I know that as soon as he hits his goal, he'll hit the road hard. But it's still crappy to think about being apart for so long. So I'm going to remind myself of everything I've been blessed with.

1. Gilbert-He fixed our car today and it runs so smoothly! It's not shaking anymore or anything, and the air conditioning works! And all for a little less that $200. Way better than the $1300 we got quoted!

2. School-As much as I'm dreading BYU, I'm kind of excited. I'm grateful for the opportunity that I have to gain an education and make something of myself.

3. The Temple-I called today to make an appointment for Dan and I to go to the San Antonio Temple next Wednesday. I'm so incredibly thrilled to finally be going again! I am going to love that in Utah we'll be so close to one.

4. Family-I've got the best family in the entire world. My parents that are always ready and willing to help or offer advice. My in laws that are also a wealth of information and knowledge that have helped Dan and I both with lots of advice as well.

5. Heavenly Father-He knows me so well, it's scary. He's always there for me and even when I feel alone during the day, He's there and is constantly reminding me that I'm never alone.

6. Dan-He's my rock and my strength. Jaynee told me about a month and a half ago when we were talking about how much we love our husbands that I'd be surprised and how much it grows. She was right. I love him so much more than I ever have and it just keeps growing as we sacrifice together, we go through trials together, and we always put the each other and the Lord first. I am so very grateful for him and everything he has sacrificed for me and to provide for our family. I'm so grateful that he married me. I'm the lucky one.

Lastly, I'm grateful my family is eternal. Forever. That's the best feeling in the entire world.

Let the good times roll

Lots and lots of good news and I'm just full to the brim with happiness about it! First of all, the air conditioning works. Let me say that one more time. THE AIR CONDITIONING IN THE CAR WORKS!! Yeah, this morning was pretty epic. We went down to the auto shop that the elder's quorum president had recommended to us, and it turns out that it's not going to cost us nearly as much because only one engine mount needs to be replaces!! We had originally gotten quoted $1300 to fix 3 engine mounts and the spark plugs and a couple of other things. It turns out this guy actually worked at a honda dealership so he knows them really well. Answer to prayers!

On a funnier note, Dan pulled the "Pull my finger" thing again....only this time it was HUGE! I was laughing so hard for seriously 10 minutes. It was just the kind of comic relief I needed. 

Last night, we were reading scriptures before we went to bed. We're trying to catch up because we've missed a couple of days and we want to finish the D&C before I leave for Utah. It was really interesting because there's obviously some things that I'm not going to completely understand that Dan does just from him serving a mission. It was fun to actually be "studying" with him and learning more about what they're talking about in the scriptures instead of just reading them to read them. We ended up being up till almost 1 and didn't even realize it till we'd finished. I felt so bad because he's probably super tired today, but I so enjoyed spending that time with him!

So I'm moving next week! That's so crazy! I'm still not packing/cleaning till next week though. It'll be way too depressing if I start right now. But some more good news! One of Dan's manager's told him that as soon as he hits his goal he can leave! So if he hits it in the middle of September he can pack up and come to Utah! I'm so excited because we won't be apart for nearly as long (hopefully!). 

Pull My Finger

So this is actually about a couple of things. I've been meaning to blog for a couple of days and I just keep putting it off, which isn't good either because then I just find more things to blog about and the posts end up being miles and miles long.

On a side note: I just thought you should know that my house is FINALLY clean (not that it's that hard to keep our little apartment clean, but it's been a 2 day project and now it smells delicious) and there's cookies in the oven. Yeah, our apartment smells AMAZING right now.

Back on topic. Sunday night, Dan and I drove down to the Congress Avenue Bridge to see the bats. Yes, bats. There's hundreds of them that fly out every night right as the sun is going down. It's a pretty big claim to fame here in Austin so we figured we should probably check it out while we're here. Now this bridge is over a HUGE river, and by huge I mean at least 3 times the size of the Gila River in Thatcher. It's a good size river. Anyway, we're walking down to get a seat in the shade on the grass and let me tell you, it smelled NASTY! Like nasty putrid river smell. Yuck. We were there for almost an hour before all the bats started coming out.

It was pretty insane the amount of bats that were flying out and around this bridge. We even got these cool pins when we went there. This nice old man was handing them out.

Oh and here's a cute picture of us. We love each other....clearly.

Then just the other night, we were sitting down eating dinner and we were laughing and joking about a lot of things. Mostly him blaming me for all his farts. Real mature I know, but we're mature kind of people. Haha that's a good joke! So Dan turns to me and has this super funny look on his face and says "Pull my finger." Well of course when anyone says this, you know it's about farting, but it rarely ever works. Just for kicks and giggles, I pulled his finger. He farted. Night made. It was absolutely hilarious. And right on cue too. I pretty much just love the crap outta him.

Oh and one last thing, so our AC in the car went out last week. Suck fest. It's been just a little toasty outside. So it only works on power 1 and doesn't circulate throughout the car. You pretty much have to shove your face right up next to the vent to keep from profusely sweating. No joke, I'm not even being dramatic at all. I purposely go grocery shopping at 8 in the morning just so I can have the windows down and still be at a comfortable temperature. And to top it all off, it's been the hottest week all summer. I'm talking 110, 115. Not exactly the weather you want to be driving in without the blessed air conditioning. On the bright side, we've saved a TON in gas by not running the air conditioning. I'm talking like an extra 50 to 100 miles on a tank of gas. Yeah. Talk about a blessing in disguise.

I have been finding all these good quotes from Jeffrey R Holland lately, he's my favorite apostle. One in particular that I really love though and definitely hits home lately:
"Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

Gus came back for another visit!

Yes, Sunday evening, just as we were headed over to Sean and Jaynee's, Gus decided he missed me so much that he wanted to visit again.

He's right next to the baseboard. He kind of blends in with the carpet. Dan had a hard time seeing him. Unfortunately, on this nice little visit, Gus was not so lucky to leave entirely in tact. We were trying to brush him out the door and the carpet is a little tough to gently nudge a little gecko along. So this resulted.

Yes, that is poor little Gus....separated from his tail. He died. We had a small funeral service....as we walked to Jaynee and Sean's.

So I guess it's a little warning to all the other little Gus' out there...Don't mess with Dan. He'll rip your tail off. Okay that sounds bad. He really didn't mean to kill Gus, but I guess gecko's aren't like lizards. They need their little tails to live.

RIP Gus. In the future, we'll try to be nicer to all your other friends.

I'm just not quite convinced this sunscreen is waterproof

Really. I thought the whole point of putting on sunscreen was so that you didn't get burned. Apparently not. Because in the whole 2 hours I was at the pool, I came home pretty toasted! Even my forearms and my hands are burned. My HANDS!! They don't ever burn!

This sunscreen is seriously a let down. Thank goodness my shoulders aren't burned though. The sunscreen did work there. I'm just not quite convince that this sunscreen is water proof though because I had it on my back and stuff and I had laid out for a little while before I got into the pool. I guess it came off.

See: it even says waterproof on the label! Deceiving....

So I guess in the future, I'll apply it every....30 minutes? Hopefully then I won't get too toasted anymore.

Geez...you're like a hungry bird when a kid has a piece of bread

Fo real. Not really. I just saw that in a previous conversation and I was laughing my pants off at myself. Abbs knows better than anyone that I find myself pretty funny at times.

Anyway, what I really wanted to blog about today was myself (shocker). So today for some random reason I woke up and I could just tell it was gonna be one of those days that I wanted to crawl back into bed, climb under the covers, and hide from the rest of the world. Yeah...great start to the day. I made Dan's lunch and ate some breakfast, got dressed to go to the gym and then made my bed. You see, if I make my bed and it looks all nice, I rarely ever climb back into it, because let's face it...I'm a little lazy and I don't like making my bed more than once in a day.

I opened up all the blinds to let some light into our apartment, but I still couldn't shake this yucky feeling. To add insult to injury, Dan came home from correlation in not the best of moods. He wasn't mad or anything, but just in a downer kind of mood, and well I'm one of those people that feeds off of other people's moods, especially Dan's. Now this is gonna sound really bad, but it almost just made me more sad, probably because I knew I was going to be home by myself today and yesterday just plain sucked.

We read scriptures and I couldn't help myself. The tears just started to leak out of my eyeballs. I really feel pretty ridiculous lately because I feel like all I do is cry...about everything! I'm so not used to this! I get a good cry once a month...not once a week! I'm really considering getting my tear ducts removed so my poor husband doesn't have to deal with a weepy wife. It just sucks because I want to tell him how much I miss him during the day and stuff, but I can't because that just distracts him and then he doesn't do well. Stress!

So after he left, I packed up my stuff and went to the gym and I was determined to get a good work out in. I haven't done an honest hard work out probably all summer. So I did. I even dominated the treadmill. Hollah!! Anyway, then I laid out by the pool for an hour or so (hard life I know) and came home. But the best part was that even though I'm still by myself, I get to see him in just a few hours. And then I get to hang out with him for the rest of the evening. I was talking to my mom and venting a little bit about how I can't wait till he's got a 9 to 5 job when we move to Utah, and she said but just wait till October and he'll be home all the time and you'll be trying to get rid of him! Haha I love my mom! She can make every situation a little lighter.

At the end of the day, he gets to come home. And that's something I'm so grateful for. He could be fighting fires and be gone for weeks at a time. THAT would suck. I feel so bad for some of those wives. That's rough. So this post is super random, but that's my life. Moving to Utah in 22 days....very mixed emotions about that one. Oh well, I guess the only way to look at it is as a new adventure. A new chapter. Bring it on.

The Finer Things in Life

Here's some pictures of a couple of things that we've done/have happened since being here in Texas. I've vowed to take more pictures and I'm doing alright so far...could be better...but also could be a lot worse. Hopefully we'll have a good amount from this coming weekend. STOKED.

Exhibit A: Dan's black eye. Get this: It's from a belly flop. For correlation that morning, they did a bunch of water activity/swimming type contests. At least he won the belly flop contest right? This was taken maybe 30 minutes after he got back from correlation meeting.

Exhibit B: Green Mesquite BBQ in downtown Austin. So freaking delicious. We shared the bbq for four with Jaynee and Sean and it was fabulous! So much food, but so good! We definitely didn't leave hungry.

Exhibit C: DISHES!!! I got the package from my mom probably a month ago and a few days later, went to BBB and got my dishes!! I can't tell you how happy I was. Then the place mats were only $0.99 each! Score!!

Exhibit D: We made homemade pizza for dinner last Saturday night. Kudos to Sister Bale for the recipe for the dough (thank you!). Here's the pizza cookin away!

The finished product!!

We each had 2 pieces and we were full. I think it's pretty safe to say neither of us can pack it down like we used to...well Dan still can. Not me. But hey, I'm not complaining.

Exhibit E: My sexy husband in a cute apron I got for my bridal shower from Jacie Ames!

Exhibit F: These are the kinds of eggs we buy. Mostly because I'm too cheap to by the 18 pack from Walmart when I can save a dollar and get them from Costco.

Exhibit G: So, one of the tendons in my leg has been super sore lately. It's on the inside of my leg right behind my knee. Well I'm not an expert physical therapist or anything, but I know that that's not supposed to hurt. I'd been stretching before and after working out and even taking it a little easier on the bikes and elliptical. Both Dan and my mom told me to ice and heat it. So I did. When I stuck the towel in the microwave to warm it up, this is what happened.

I still don't know why it did that. But it came out of the microwave smoking and everything. Scary business. It must have had something on it, but seriously, that was the last thing I expected. Note to self: just throw it in the dryer next time.

And last but not least, this video is making me laugh hysterically right now. It's not like it's the first time I've seen it either. It's just really funny at the moment.

peace and blessings. Peace and Blessings.

Why am I incredible?

Almost a week ago, the lesson we had in Relief Society was titled "LDS Women Are Incredible!" The talk was given in April 2011 general conference by Quentin L. Cook. You can read the talk for yourself here.

I posted a little about it earlier this week and I was rereading through the last few posts I've written (sometimes it's interesting to read back and remember exactly what you were feeling or that experience that you're writing about) and as of late, they've been very "complainy." I know that's not a word, but just roll with it.

I was thinking about the question that the teacher asked each of us at the beginning of the lesson: Why are YOU incredible? She had us write it down on a piece of paper. Well I couldn't think of anything in the moment. That's always an awkward feeling because I don't want to brag or anything, and I'm totally not compliment fishing or anything, I just couldn't really think of anything about myself that could be classified as "incredible." I mean I can do stuff, and I have talents, and I know I'm a daughter of God, so don't think I'm depreciating my self-worth or anything like that, but in the moment, I just couldn't think of anything that would be incredible to someone about me. And that was exactly the problem I was having.

So this card has been sitting in my bedside table drawer with my scriptures and it's been on my mind all week. Reading through my posts yesterday, I came upon the day I had a complete breakdown that it's not looking like I'll be with Dan for the first month of school. I remembered that day and all the emotions and just the complete lack of self control I felt because I couldn't keep myself together. I say "I remember" like it was ages ago, but really it was just earlier this week. Anyway, I usually have pretty good emotional self control. I can keep myself together pretty well, but for some reason that day, I couldn't do it. And it honestly felt like I was failing myself because all the heartbreak and the emotion was spilling over and I couldn't keep it in and deal with it on my own.

I still remember the surprise I felt when I got Kristi's text. And that's when it hit me what I could write on that card for why I am incredible.

I am incredible because I am strong. I can do this. I can do anything, whatever I set my mind to. I can do it. I guess sometimes, you just can't pull yourself out of the rut long enough to see that so it takes someone else recognizing that in you to help you see it. That's what Kristi did for me. She is such a strong person. I don't know her that well, but we've become good friends and some of the trials she's been asked to face are ones that I know I would never make it through. She's so strong and hearing that come from her telling me that I'm strong is a HUGE compliment.

I was going to blog yesterday, but I wasn't in the chipperest of moods, so I decided against it. I've been such a downer lately! Ugh I hate it, because I'd like to think I'm usually a pretty happy and upbeat person, but yesterday I just wasn't in it. I've been thinking and keeping a list (that sounds so pathetic) of all the things I want to blog about, whether it's something I've seen on someone else's blog that's really thought provoking or what have you. But last week, I was with some of the other wives and we were supposed to be watching a movie and ended up talking from 3 till 9 when our husbands got home! I really didn't think we'd all have that much to say, haha but we're girls so of course we do!

Anyway, one of the wives made the comment that someone had told her she needed to toughen up and stop complaining about her trials because there are other people that are going through worse things than that. Her reply was no...that she's allowed to complain about her trials because they're hers, not anyone elses. Just for her.

Not that I think everyone needs to be complaining about every little thing that goes wrong in their lives, but sometimes I think we too often don't express our feelings and emotion and just bottle them up because we don't want to be told that we shouldn't be complaining because there's someone else in the world that has it worse off than we do. I think repressing that emotion and not letting it out sometimes causes us to break, to fall apart, and to just lose it one day. I was reading a post from SDL and he was talking about how he's been told his whole life to grow a thicker skin and he's finally refusing to, because feeling is human. On that same note, I think that complaining and the whole emotion that comes with facing that trial is human. We shouldn't feel the need to repress that all the time. I know I'm probably the worst at this, but I'm going to start trying to express myself a little better. Maybe then these breakdowns will be MUCH MUCH fewer and farther between.

I am incredible because I am strong and because I can feel.

This is awkward.

I've officially (*note officially) decided that having a cold in the middle of the freaking summer in the sweltering heat and humidity that is Texas is quite possibly the most awkward feeling in the world. If you already saw that on my facebook post, sorry.

I think I'm finally catching the tail end of what the boys and Jaynee had last week. I had a sore throat (and when I say sore I mean it was concentrated to one little pocket on my left tonsil--don't worry, I checked. It was the only one with a little yucky on it...and no that yucky wasn't strep. I checked that too. I've seen enough strep living with Raegan that I was 110% positive it wasn't strep). Wow that was a long interjection. And thing hang nail on my thumb hurts friggen bad!!

Back on topic, so I had a sore throat for like maybe 2 days at most. I started sucking on cough drops and popping vitamin C like candy as soon as it started hurting. Then it went away by Monday and then last night at basketball, seriously within the whole hour that we were there, my nose was stuffed up and I couldn't breathe out of it. I could seriously feel the membranes getting filled and plugged with fluid. Sucks. A big freaking fish.

So last night, my poor honey had to endure me snoring through the night because I couldn't breathe. He said this morning that within 15 minutes of me falling asleep, I was snoring. He had stayed up to read a book for a little bit. It was the pits. So I couldn't breathe all night, and woke up around 4 this morning to go blow my nose and after that I could not get comfortable. I'm getting seriously pissed off with my hypothalamus lately because my sleeping schedule is so wacked. I cannot sleep through the entire night to save my life. I always wake up at least once and it's almost always between the hours of 4 and 6 in the morning. For the life of me I can't figure out why. It would only be 2 in Arizona, so it's not like I'm used to waking up that early or anything. But it sucks. And it sucks even more when you're sick.

I'm glad though that yesterday I cleaned up my house and did most of the laundry because I almost put it off until today and clearly that wouldn't have happened. I did manage to drag myself to the gym and do 30 minutes of cardio. I'm not sure if that was the best thing for me or not, but hey it's all gotta get out of my system eventually. Let's just get it circulated around and out of me as fast as possible. I came home, and seriously all I wanted was ramen. Sick right? Out of all the food that I have in the fridge, I was just craving some chicken ramen. Kinda like when you're sick your mom always makes you chicken noodle soup? Well I always thought the soup was too watery, not concentrated enough. So I like ramen.

I drove to WalMart, walked down the pasta aisle, and started to grab a couple of packages of the chicken ramen. Well, lo and behold, they have creamy chicken ramen. They have picante chicken ramen. They have oriental and shrimp ramen! Geez louise! I knew about the shrimp and oriental kinds, but the creamy and picante? Dang I was shocked! So I got some creamy to try. I'll let you know how it comes out.

I realized today that Dan doesn't ever blog on here...not that he would, but I feel like it's always me telling stories. I guess I'm the one who has the time to tell them.

I was talking to Dan last night after we got home from basketball and was just asking him about Kameron. I never met him or got the chance to meet him. I wish I would have had that opportunity. One day I will. Anyway, so I was asking Dan to tell me about him so at least I can kind of have a feel for who my other brother is. I also asked Dan if he thought things would be different for him personally if Kameron hadn't passed away. He said he probably wouldn't have gone to EA and would have tried to go to a university, but when Kameron passed away, he just wanted to be close to family. In that instance, I wasn't grateful things happened the way that they did with Kameron, but I'm grateful for the out reaching effects that it had. I never would have met Dan. I wouldn't be here in Texas. And I wouldn't be this happy and in love. So I don't feel like "thank you" is appropriate, but if you catch my drift, I am grateful. And I'm grateful for the eternities that are ahead that I will get that opportunity to meet him and to know him.

So this post is super sketchy and all over the place, but it's all the thoughts that are going through my head right now, and at least if they get written down, someone can try to make sense of them later. Good luck to them! Haha.

On our little desk right here where the computer is, there's 3 pictures. One of them is one of my favorite wedding pictures with Dan's boutonniere right below it. Another is Dan with Matt and Kameron when Matt got home from his mission. The other is mine and Dan's favorite engagement picture. It's in a frame that was given to us by Jacie Ames and her family. The frame says this:

Faith  Hope  Love

The greatest of these is Love.

Gratitude

Tuesday: Basketball night. Leftovers for dinner.

I hate waking up with swollen eyes. It's almost like you can't have a fresh start the next day  because the evidence it still across your face. I feel so drained. And it's almost a pain in the butt trying to find something to keep me in a good mood. I'm not in a bad mood by any means, but I'm just kind of melancholy. I could really go for some ice cream right now. Bahaha I'm such a girl.

One way to change that attitude is to think about what I'm grateful for and the blessings I've been given.

Number 1 (and not necessarily the most important): Momma. She is so amazing. I am so blessed to have the most amazing mom in the entire world and I'm so lucky to be able to call her when I'm sad or when I'm happy or just to talk to her and have entirely meaningless conversations. I don't know what I would do without her. She's one of my best friends. I've always appreciated that she's been my mom first and foremost before she's my friend. She's amazing. The life she's lived and made is amazing. I will be forever grateful that she got to be my mother and that I've been so privileged to have her in my life.

Number 2: Good friends. Yesterday was just a down day. It was all I could do to keep  myself from just breaking down every 5 minutes. I got a text from a friend that's here in Austin with us and she just helped me to see that I am strong enough, that I can do this, and that I'm not alone in anything. It's always a good feeling to know that someone is out there and someone's thinking about you. I'm grateful for a good friend that was able to help me smile yesterday and realize a lot of things about myself that are hard to see in the midst of a trial or a struggle. Thank you Kristi.

Number 3: Dan. He's my best friend in this entire world. When he came home yesterday, I had kept myself together pretty well by then. Pandora was playing country songs and the song that was playing was called "I Do" and he grabbed me and pulled me close and just danced with me in the kitchen. I lost it. I just cried and cried and cried. Like practically hysterical crying. I don't think I've ever cried that much in front of him. It's funny, I kept trying to do other things and get my mind focused on other things, but he wouldn't let me. He just  held me and I just cried. I finally told him just how scared I am about being there by myself for the first month of school and just all of that. But at the same time, I told him that I'll be okay. My sister will be there, Jami will be there, and so will all my mom's family. I'm gonna be fine.

He knows me so well though...how much I try to put on a tough face and hide behind it. And I love that he knows that. I love him. I'm so glad I married him. Even today, I just continue to realize how much I need him each and every day, how he just completes me. Sorry to sound like such a sap, but really it's true.

Anyway, time to head out and get a couple of things done. Feeling better and happier already. This gratitude thing....it really works.

Don't judge.

I may or may not be having a complete breakdown. I just looked at the calendar and realized exactly how long we're going to be apart in September. I just balled. And I'm still balling.

So I've always known that a month is a long time...heck it took the month before we were married to go by FOREVER!!! But I was talking to my mom and talking about when we wanted to get all our stuff moved up to Provo and looking for apartments and such. I went to go take a look at the calendar and figure out when I would want to go, and I just died. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I don't know if I can keep myself together long enough to say goodbye for a little while through the whole first month of school.

My mom's right, I'll be fine. It's going to suck, but I'll be fine. I'm sure there's going to be many nights that I just fall asleep crying at night from the lack of a warm body next to me or someone to put their arms around me when I've had a bad dream, but I don't know how many of those nights there will be. I'm sure that there's going to be plenty of times that I call my sister and have her come spend the night just so I won't be alone.

I so so badly just want to be able to be okay with this, to buck up and grow a thicker skin, maybe lose a tear duct or two, but I just can't. I know how much better this will make things with Dan staying to work an extra month, but I guess when you know how much someone means to you and how much closer it's getting to you having to be apart from each other, it makes you realize even more how much you love them.

Just the other day, I was just giving Dan a hug and it just hit me how much I do love him. I really didn't think I could feel for someone this much. It's crazy how much more in love with him I am now than the day we got married. Not that I didn't love him then, but just how much it's grown. I was talking to my good friend Jaynee and she just told me to remember how much I love him now, and see how much it grows in the next month. She's so right.

Anyway, the tears have subsided for the time being so I'm going to hopefully get a few things done around the house, maybe watch a movie, look for scholarships (which if anyone has any tips on where to find good scholarships, let me know!! BYU isn't cheap! haha), and potential apartments. Oh and make dinner for my husband when he gets home!

In church on Sunday, the talk in Relief Society was "Why are LDS women incredible?" The teacher asked us to write down on a little piece of paper why we were incredible, not as a collective group of women, but as an individual.

WHY AM I INCREDIBLE?

I have a hard time answering these types of questions, mostly because I feel like I'm bragging about myself or something...so I still haven't written anything down.

So I am asking you: Why are YOU incredible?

Welcoming our newest little addition...

Haha that's a bad joke. Man oh man. Anyway, while I've got a few minutes before I start making dinner, I wanted to introduce a new little friend of mine.

Meet Gus. 

He's my new little gecko friend that was hiding behind my couch yesterday. I had decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture a little bit and pull the table further out so there was more space to sit at the table without feeling crammed against the wall. So as I was pulling the chair away from the wall, Gus ran across the floor. I screamed. I was pretty embarrassed that I had screamed and I was the only one home. Well, I trapped Gus under a bowl because I had originally intended to just put him back outside. I should have known that geckos were pretty fast! He slipped out from under the bowl AFTER I had slid the paper under it so I could flip it over. I screamed...again. Then trapped him...again. This time, I just left him under the bowl and fully intended on keeping him there until Dan got home so he could take care of it. 

At this point, I'm seriously panicked...mostly because I didn't know what to do with Gus. I called Dan and of course he's out working so he didn't answer. So I called the next best source....the momma. She seriously laughed at me for probably a good 10 minutes. Alright, it wasn't really that long, but she laughed pretty hard. Then Jaynee came over and we watched the Bachelorette. Okay normally I don't watch those kinds of shows just because it's sooo much freaking drama and I get way too irritated at people being stupid, but I was bored...and now I'm hooked. So if any of you are watching it, seriously if she doesn't get over this Bentley thing, I might strangle her through the computer! He's a loser loser loser face. 

Alright, off the Bachelorette rant. So after Jaynee and I watched 3 straight episodes, we called it quits for the evening and she helped me capture Gus. I wish we had had a video camera going because we had to have been quite the site for anyone that was watching. Not only were we laughing hysterically, like that nervous anxious laugh, but my heart was racing so fast!! We finally got the bowl flipped over and then just went straight outside. I didn't want Gus getting into my bedroom at all and I wasn't taking any chances. So jar and cup in had (just in case he tried to escape) Jaynee and I headed outside and placed the bowl on the picnic table. One fall to the ground and bounce later, we had Gus in the cup and then in the jar. 

There he stayed until Dan got home. We considered keeping him and feeding him the fruit flies that we can never seem to kill but I was feeling pretty guilty last night. I mean if he was ever gonna make it in the gecko world, he should be outside at night where all the bugs are. So we set him free. It was a bit of a tearful moment as we watched our first little pet grow up and move on. Okay not really, but it was a happy little moment as he scuttled off into the bushes. He was probably as terrified as I was when I first found him in the house! Gus is now a free gecko though and I hope he always stays that way!

On a funnier note, this morning I was knocking on the bathroom door because I had to pee SUPER DUPER bad and Dan had locked the doors. Well I'm sitting there knocking and he comes around the corner and yells BOO! (toothbrush in mouth and everything-he was getting ready to leave for work). So naturally (and I say naturally like it was almost a self defense reflex) I punched him in the shoulder. Well I'm pretty sure I hit just the right spot and didn't realize how hard I'd thrown the punch because he just ran into our bedroom and sat on the floor and was laughing for a long time. But it was the laugh that you do when it hurts so bad but you just keep laughing instead of crying. Yeah he had a killer dead arm. I felt pretty bad. Actually I still feel really bad about it. So if it bruises or welts or anything, I'm for sure taking a picture and will post it! Go figure I've never been in a fight in my life and I can throw a pretty mean right hook. Poor baby. Still funny though. I'm chuckling just thinking about it.

Anyway, time to make some dinner. Fried rice :] So stinking excited!! Hopefully tomorrow there will be a grey's anatomy episode for me to watch too! Seriously, almost a whole month without the internet and STILL no new episodes! What the heck I'm dying! 

Quote of the day...from Abbs:

"Not everyone takes what I say as easily as you do."

Miss you abbs!! 

Oh my heck....I just realized there was no question of the day from Hannah Gunderson!! What is the world coming too?

I get to be an aunt!!! AGAIN!

So we got a phone call around 11 last night and at first Dan ignored it. Seriously who calls that late anyway? Then your mind starts going through the possibilities, what if it's an emergency or someone's hurt? The usual. Anyway, it was Matt, Dan's older brother. He called to tell us that his wife is pregnant!! Oh man we were soo excited! So whenever that baby is born, we're definitely going to be making a trip down to Thatcher to see him/her. I'm just so excited for them!

Yesterday, I went to the pool with Maria and her boys just for a little bit. Mason, the middle one, wanted to be a race car. So we were zooming around the pool and making crazy turns. It was actually quite fun. Then, out of no where Mason asked "What's that?" pointing at my chest area...more specifically the cleavage. Right off the bat, I knew exactly what he was talking about, but you can't admit that to a 3 year old! Trying to distract him I pointed to the tie that's in the middle of my suit and asked if that's what he was talking about. Of course he said no. Now things were just awkward because he pointed again and said "THAT!" So resolved to not tell him what "that" was, after all, I'm not his mom and I just don't think she'd appreciate me educating him on what "that" was. Anyway, I just told him that I didn't know. Crap. Lying to a 3 year old. That's gonna go over real well when it's all said and done.

Long story short: I get to be an aunt again soon!! And Mason is just the funniest little guy ever.

Hopefully the package my mom is sending me comes today. I really want to go get my dishes from BBB!! That's pathetic really, that I'm excited about dishes. Oh geez. Whatever shall I do?!

Sunday afternoon's might just be my favorite

Seriously, how great is a day that I get to spend entirely with my husband. Seriously. How great is that day? Well let me tell you, it's pretty dang great. I love being able to go to church with him in the morning and come home, make some lunch...well more like spooning pb&j out of the jars so that I have enough bread to make him a sandwich tomorrow...and then get to take the greatest nap in the history of the world. Word.

I really don't think I've slept that solidly since moving to Texas. And to prove how deep that sleep was, I had the trippiest dream ever!! Really, I woke up still thinking I was getting attacked by snakes. My finger still hurt from where the snake in my dream bit me. Weird...I know. Naps might be out of the picture for a little while. Alright, so I really don't know how long that will last, but it's a nice thought.

We had a potluck barbeque thing with the company for dinner around 530 and Dan made the hamburgers for us. It was sooo good too! It looked like a little dinky thing on the grill, but it was think and juicy and Dan's the reason we're gonna get fat!! Haha, but it was sooo delicious.

Last night, Dan came home a little early and we had a date night in. So fun!! He helped me make dinner--Hawaiian haystacks--and went to WalMart to get some hair clippers. Came home, had some dessert and watched Country Strong. Great movie! I really like it. Mostly I liked just being able to spend time with him, not having to worry about making sure he gets to his meeting on time or anything like that, but just to be with him and enjoy each other's company. LOVED IT. Love being married. Best thing ever.

The happenin's in Texassss

So let's see...where to start where to start. Well first things first. This is my cute little apartment. Now that it actually has furniture is actually quite cute and I really love it.

This is the living room/dining room area


And this is the bedroom and our cute bedspread!! (I should probably stop calling stuff cute. I just don't think Dan would quite appreciate anything being called cute! Haha).

And seriously my FAVORITE part: the washer and dryer!! In my own apartment!! No more laundromats!

Oh and I like a total nerd took pictures of our very first homecooked meal together!!

Beef stroganoff on a baked potato with peas. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!!

And because I made a resolution to take more pictures, I decided that watching Dan shave was just super funny so I took pictures of him the whole time and tried to repress the laughter so he wouldn't cut himself, but to no avail. I laughed, but he didn't cut himself! Score!!

I think he's pretty much the cutest boy in the entire world!!! And I just love him!

So what I was really going to blog about was that I'm definitely practiced my homemaker/housewife skills today! I have been seriously missing PB&J's for the last couple of weeks that we've been in Texas because I forgot to bring some jam, and I've been so spoiled my whole life with my mom making it homemade that store bought is just nasty to me. So Jaynee, Kristi and I made homemade strawberry jam today! Let me tell you, I cannot wait till it's ready to be eaten because it already tastes good right now, so it will taste even better when it's all set up and delicious!

I'd say it's been a pretty successful day. Dan's coming home early tonight and we're making dinner together!! I'm so excited, if you couldn't tell by the exclamation points. It's date night in. Rented Country Strong to watch afterwards. Definitely excited.

OHHH and one last thing, I sent this picture to my mom and she just laughed. I just can't quite figure out why Dan's not gaining weight when I make him sandwiches like this every day. It actually makes me laugh a lot. Granted he is out walking around all day long, but still. If it was me...I'd be blowing up like a freaking balloon.

Walk me down the middle...let the whole world know you belong to me. <3

The Devirgination Vacation

The much needed update. The title is for Abbie. It's all her fault I even thought of calling this blog post that. Anyway, back on point.

Finished school and finals, like an absolute crazy person, and was all moved out and packed out of my apartment and driving home at 7 am Wednesday morning. Needless to say, I was pretty much a zombie. I ran a bunch of errands with my mom, picking up/out odds and ends for decorating and getting the flowers and such. And of course the manicure/pedicure! So relaxing and much needed! Dan got to my house later that night and we got a few things together before hitting the sack.

We had to be up by 4 and out the door by 430 on Thursday to be out in south Gilbert to take bridals/wedding pictures. I didn't want to take a million pictures the day of the wedding around the temple and stuff so we did all of it the day before. Now, when I don't get enough sleep I'm super hyper and usually in a pretty good mood, so picture taking was so fun! And my photographer (BrieAnna, Four Six photography--totally recommend her! She's awesome and so fun and talented!!) was absolutely hilarious. She even had a mountain dew for me!

The first place we started at was with a horse in an alfalfa field at literally the crack of dawn. The guy whose property it was thought we were getting married that day (small lie...doesn't hurt anyone right?) and that BrieAnna and I were sisters. Too funny. But anyway he was way chill and let us take pictures with his horse Jack, who was gorgeous! Side note: I was honestly slightly terrified of Jack. Mostly because he's HUGE and because if anything should go wrong, well I can't exactly out run a horse and especially not in a freaking wedding dress! But the pictures came out beautiful.

Then we went just around the corner to a fancy shmancy custom homes development. The back fence wasn't quite finished so we walked in and there's a grove of trees that were all in rows and it was pretty much beautiful! Especially for Arizona!

We went to the front of the development and the little office type thing that would have a security guard or something in it was so awesome!!

Then it was off to the temple and we took some more there and then headed to Denny's for breakfast afterwards.

We went back to my house and started setting up the tables and chairs for the reception. I was seriously so excited and relieved that it was almost over. Then maybe life wouldn't be so crazy anymore.

Friday morning, I woke up around 6, took a shower and blow dried my hair then headed out to get my hair done at 745. The lady that did my hair said she was so surprised I was on time because most brides are like a half hour late and they expect to still leave on time. Well I told her I didn't have time to be late so I made sure I was on time, haha. Then my parents and I headed out to the temple to be there by 1015.

We walked in and sat in a little waiting room waiting for Dan to get there. We had gotten there probably 10 minutes early, but he was 20 minutes late!! I was getting progressively more and more upset as the minutes ticked by. Eventually he came around the corner and I was so happy he was there but so peeved that he was late at the same time--a very complicated emotional time. Anyway, everything went great and we were both grinning from ear to ear. The sealing was absolutely wonderful! Everyone there was smiling, though I'm sure none of them were as happy as Dan and I were. As we walked out, I felt like I could finally breathe. We'd made it. We'd finally made it. Granted we have a LONG road ahead of us, but we'd made it to the most important moment of our lives up to that point. It took 3 tries to actually walk out of the temple doors, but we walked out, and took a huge group picture and then headed over to the luncheon.

It was so fun to see all our friends that had come to Phoenix to be there for us and support us. After the luncheon we headed back to the hotel and killed probably 3 hours and took a nap! Seriously, no sleep in the last week and it was killing us!! The reception was absolutely beautiful and it was perfect. There wasn't anything I would have changed. I danced with my daddy, and then my husband, and then through the bouquet. Then all of us (our group of friends) were all dancing to the different songs that were playing. It was so fun. We left for the hotel that night through a tunnel of SPARKLERS!!! I can't wait to see what those pictures turned out like! We left, then realized we didn't have any food so we drove around the corner and back to my house, grabbed some food, and then left.

The night was ours. And it was beautiful, and absolutely worth waiting for.

The next day, we went back to my house for brunch, opened up all our presents, separated what we were keeping and returns, then packed up the car and headed down to Sierra Vista. Well the Phoenix reception went off pretty well, not too many problems, but let's just say Sierra Vista just went not as planned. As soon as everyone was there, it was totally fine, but we left a little late, and then my parents left even later and then got stuck behind an accident!! Dan and I both felt sick after we got there and its probably because we hadn't eaten an honest meal in 3 days, but you do what you've gotta do.

So we showed up to the reception 5 minutes before it started and so did my parents. So that worked out conveniently. The food was absolutely delicious! Teriyaki sticks, kalua pig and rice. So delicious. We danced to the Hawaiian wedding song, which was beautiful. I met so many people who kept telling me what a great guy he is, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who thinks so! His auntie danced the hula for us, and seriously I cannot move my hips that well at all. Like it's practically a sin how well she can move!

There were more friends that came to the Sierra Vista reception and it was so great to see them too! We took lots of pictures and it made me sad just because we're all going separate ways. After being together for two years, we're moving on and in different directions. They're the friends that you hope so desperately you stay friends with forever. They're that awesome and that special. We've already planned a 5 year reunion back in good ole Thatcher. Hopefully that works out.

Saturday night we stayed in Bisbee at the Copper Queen Hotel. Seriously old hotel, but super cool. We had breakfast the next morning there and then drove around Bisbee for a few minutes, got quite a siteful of the hippies, and then headed back to Sierra Vista and opened all our presents, ate some more lunch/breakfast.

We left Sierra Vista and headed off on the long road to Texas. We stayed in Van Horn over night then headed out to Austin. Oh and side note for anyone traveling to Texas, they're 2 hours ahead. Yeah, so we got in around 1 am. This time zone thing is still throwing me a little bit and I have to be careful when I text my sister or call my mom and make sure its not 6 am or something crazy like that!

Anyway, we made it to Texas on Monday and then found out we didn't have furniture. Well it's okay for the first night right? Try the first four nights. I was pissed. Then we finally got furniture and our apartment actually felt like home. And so far, things are great. Definitely getting a job though. I get way too bored just hanging out all day long!

But I love it. It's absolutely beautiful. It's so green and lush and there's actually trees! The humidity isn't too bad either. And basically, I love being married!!