LAST first day of school

Well ladies and gents, it actually happened. I have finally started my VERY LAST semester of nursing school EVER!!!!! <-- If you can't tell how I feel about it, take a look at all those exclamation points. I'm excited to say the least. 

As first days go, it was fine. Boring. Overwhelming. And almost a somber feeling. This is the last first day of school I will have until I get super crazy and go back for a masters degree. This is the last first day I will have with this amazing group of people I have been so privileged to embark on this journey with. But it was also a very happy feeling. We are nearly there. We did it. We survived MedSurg. And then we all survived ICU despite those awful quizzes. The homestretch is here...finally. 

I can honestly say though, I thoroughly enjoyed every last drop of summer. I did not do a single NCLEX prep question, or worry about any assignments. That was pure bliss. 

I will be doing my capstone rotation on the 6th floor at UVRMC. Night shift. It should be fun. I'm a little worried about staying awake at night, but I'm sure it will be fine. Just an adjustment. Dan is a little sad about having to sleep alone, but Ruby will totally snuggle up to him! He'll be just fine. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear." 

Capstone: prepare to be demolished. 

Xxo, me.

Quote

Explore. Create. Give yourself as much room to fail, as well as the room to succeed. Use a little of the old while ushering in a whole lot of the new. Develop into your own opinion leader. Need no approval. Be courageous. Be humble. Be loving. Be respectful. Learn about everything. Remember there is more than one truth. The best armor in life is self-love and respect. Don't trap yourself with the desire of wanting to be liked. Be respected. Trust yourself to be your own confidant. Tell yourself yes more often than no. Don't take this world personally. Know that every person you come across has something powerful to teach you, especially enemies. Never fail to deliver on your word. Never make yourself smaller for ANYONE. This world is yours in any way that suits you.

Live.

-Jada Pinkett Smith

Words of advice this morning brought to you by

Cristina Yang

"Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here and don't give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams here, no buddies. You're on your own. Be on your own."

Now onto review one last time and ROCK THIS FINAL PASS OFF!

Leave it to Sugarland

"Keep going. Don't stop. Human beings are lazy by nature. So if you keep going and everyone else quits 'cause they are lazy, then you win by default." -Jennifer Nettles

Word. Just keep going. Definitely had one of those days, more like the last couple of days, and I most definitely needed a reminder to just keep going. I always knew there was a reason I loved Sugarland so much.

On a brighter note: Arizona bound in 21 hours :]

The grass is always greener

Relief Society lesson on Sunday was interesting, for lack of a better word. It was the first Sunday, so the president taught the lesson. She started off with a comment that completely broke my heart. She said that there are quite a few mothers in our stake who have gone to the stake president because for one reason or another they don't like being a mother. Not even kidding. I was shocked. Maybe I'm just one of those really crazy people that has always wanted to be a mom, with six kids running around the backyard with the dog. I'd have to say I've thought about it on more than one occasion.

So I guess you can understand my shock. I have always felt like the greatest thing I will ever do in my life is raise children and have a family. It sounds weird coming from the girl who is finishing her education to have a career. But I've told Dan many times that even if I'm the greatest nurse in the entire world and make all these great accomplishments, it won't mean anything if I've failed to take care of and raise my children. That is what's really important in life. But for me, like for most, it has a time and place, and everyone reaches that point in life at a different time.

Back to the Relief Society lesson: it ended up being a really great discussion and I felt extremely enlightened at the end of it. Several points were brought up, as well as advice. I live in one of those wards where it's a lot of newly weds and nearly deads. Not that extreme, and there are quite a few families that are in between with kids. But, there are quite a few people who have kids now grown up having kids of their own. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's lots of parenting advice and ideas going around.

1. Pace yourself: Stop trying to do everything at once, and getting everything done now. Life is not a sprint. It's a marathon. Pace yourself. Take life in stride, and enjoy it!

2. Be your own kind of mom: As far as I've seen, there's no rule book for how to be the perfect mom. No set list of things that have to be done each and every day. No rule that says you need to have an immaculate house, and perfect children with the perfect outfits. A lady in my ward made the comment that she felt extremely unfulfilled and inadequate. Then she realized that she really loved doing crafts with her kids. So that's what she does! And she loves it! She loves being a mom, and helping her kids make arts and crafts. You need to find what fits for you and do it. You don't have to be exactly like the mom down the street. Be yourself, and your own kind of mom.

3. Accept yourself for now: Life is a journey. I, for one, am guilty of constantly looking at the finish line and wanting to be there. Especially in nursing school. I just want to be done so I actually have time! Time for myself, time for my husband, time to clean my house! Time to start a family, and time to spend each moment possible with those precious babies that will one day fill these walls. But life keeps going. It is not the same as it was yesterday, and it will be different tomorrow. The trick, or so they say, is to enjoy it now, for exactly what it is. For me, that means enjoying nursing school, and all the hell it brings with it. Later, that will mean accepting the fact that there's dirty laundry piling up, and a messy house, but my babies are happy. It's learning to be okay with how life is right now. Just be happy.

4. Do your best: Every day. How could you be upset with yourself when you know that you've given it your very best? Being a mom one day will be so so hard, and so so rewarding. Each and every day, if I just try my very best, I know that that will be enough.

5. Your husband and children just want you to be happy: The end. Seriously, self explanatory.

6. Read, write, take time for yourself: This one is so important, in life, in general. I'm of a pretty strong opinion that you can only give so much of yourself before you break. Many times, I've had to just take a time out. Basically tell homework to screw itself, and watch some Grey's Anatomy or the Office. I also like reading...a lot. Give me a week after school gets out and I will have a book in my hand. I love reading. And blogging. Anyway, take some time for yourself each day. Even if it's just 15 minutes. I need that. I feel like it helps me recharge and get back into my activities with a little more gusto.

At the end of the day, the grass is always going to be greener somewhere else. But, I'd say my grass is pretty dang green...and I'll take it.

One more thing that I've always loved is this saying:

Bloom where you're planted.

No judgment

Fellow blogger friends, I have this big dilemma. One that has plagued me my entire life. Literally. I've struggled with it for as long as I can remember, and about 2 years ago I felt like I had finally gotten it under control and felt confident. Well...it's bad. I honestly don't know how it happened...well I do, but you know what I mean...and I'm desperate. I just want it to all be gone again like before, but I know that only happens with hard work and commitment. So I'm asking for help! And someone to be accountable to. I can't be accountable to Dan--he won't be hard on me because he loves me too much and doesn't want to hurt me.

Weight. The scale. The extra pounds. I need them gone. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin these days. I just feel fat and frumpy and I feel bad that Dan has to come home to this. I want to feel attractive! And at least comfortable wearing my clothes! I refuse to buy bigger clothes because that's like giving in and not making a change. I need to make a change.

I weigh almost just as much as I did in high school...and that really makes me sad because I hate looking at high school pictures! I can see all the weight in my face and it just makes me sick! So I'm making a request, a plea of desperation if you will. I heard this great idea from my friend Cami that she and her sister race to 2 miles to see who can do it the fastest. I like competitions, they motivate me. But not the kind that are who can lose the most weight in x amount of time. I like very tangible, very real motivation and goals that are right there in front of me. So I'm going to try this for the next few weeks till Abbie's wedding: race to 2 miles. I'm going to post my time every day (except Sundays) for 2 miles and it's not really for anyone else, but since this is public, I think it will kick my butt a little bit more knowing I have to post it!

The second part of this is diet. They say losing weight is 70% diet, so I really really would love some dieting tips! I'm not into doing "diets" per say (ie. Atkins, South beach), but I'd rather just continue to eat well-balanced meals (still watching what I'm eating) and portion sizes! But honestly, at this point I'm up for anything! Any ideas would be much appreciated!!!

And finally...once a week, I will weigh in...probably Saturday mornings, and regretfully I will post those too. Seriously, I don't need any more judgments so please if you have something nasty to say, just keep it to yourself.

Week 1, Day 1: 170.1

"I hated every minute of training, but I said Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion." -Muhammad Ali

Welcome to Limbo! Please stay awhile

I pride myself on the fact that Dan and I are really synced, especially when it comes to the big decisions. Literally, everything. We can talk about the options and lay it all out, then decide what is going to be best for us, usually after some combination of fasting, prayer, or temple worship. So you can imagine my dismay when we are presented with another option that we originally were not even considering...and that new option starts to look a lot more tantalizing and enticing. It's really frustrating and distracting to say the least.

The most frustrating is that I don't even know what to do. Every time I look and think maybe this one is the best decision for us, it's like the other side raises a huge sign and says But wait!! I can give you THIS instead of that! Literally it's been like this for the last week almost. It's extremely distracting and it really is just clouding every single thought that comes into my head. The only relief I've really found (ironically enough) was in the one place where I constantly have to be thinking on my feet--clinical.

Something about the OR yesterday was just enough relief for me...possibly the brilliance of surgeons and their craft to be able to put broken things back together, or quite possibly the lack of oxygen to my brain from rebreathing all my own CO2 blow off from wearing a mask all day long. Whatever it was, there was just enough going to keep me interested and occupied, but also relaxed. I think it gave me the break I so desperately needed from my own head to just focus on what is right in front of me: surgery.

Dan and I keep talking about the different options and what each one offers us and where we'd be at the end of it if things work out for us. Secretly, I think we've both chosen and option but we're still waiting and discussing. I hope today we'll finally be able to put it to rest, but then again, maybe the Big Man has something for us to learn from this struggle. Either way, we're going to this lovely place today to find some answers, and more than anything, some peace.

Dan has found a bunch of amazing quotes the last few days and has them around our house. One in particular that I want to leave with you is this one:

Anyone can give up. It is the easiest thing in the world to do! But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's TRUE STRENGTH.    -Unknown.

Abide with me

In lew of the recent election results, it would not be too far fetched to say I haven't been in the best of moods. Okay, I'll be honest, I voted for Romney...but in the back of my head I always kind of felt like it wouldn't work out. It would be too good to be true. After all, these are the days that try men's souls, and when men's heart's shall fail them.

Aside from all that, it's been a pretty hectic week or two with school, just generally feeling behind and not on top of things. So that's adding quite a bit more stress and anxiety. Now I should probably start considering that the next 4 years will be less than ideal. But I have faith. I have faith that the Lord will provide a way, that this is what is supposed to happen, and that for whatever reason, this is to be the enduring trial of faith. I didn't pick him, I didn't elect him president, but somewhere, someone else did because they believe in him. This is the reality, that we're in for another four years.

I saw this on a friend's post (I think it came from the Church's official press release about the results of the election) that we need to now pray for our president, that he will make decisions in the BEST interests of our country, pray that he receives guidance and direction, pray that the legislature will be able to make decisions for our country and come to agreements. Pray, and have faith.

Things will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

One of the lines from a Church hymn that I absolutely love, Abide with Me, came to mind on Tuesday, long  before the results were in, and it has since given me great comfort.

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord...abide with me.

And to be honest, I'm not worried (this could be a moment of strength that will pass, but I surely hope not). It doesn't look like a bright and ideal future, but that's what I've been given, and I for one am going to do my very best to make that future "as bright as my faith." (Thomas S. Monson)

Why Sunday's are my favorite...and then some

(Preface...I wrote this ohhh 2 weeks-ish ago, and said nursing test that will be discussed later, well I have another one coming up. Oh the irony. This one I predict will go much better).

Not only do I get to spend the ENTIRE day with my wonderful wonderful husband, but it’s also the day that I get to be at Church, and feel the love of my Heavenly Father as I learn and grow more and more in the gospel. I know I can (and should) be doing this every day, but Sunday is just that day that’s set aside specifically for this one purpose. And that’s just one of the many reasons I love love Sundays.

But in order to understand this love a little bit better, we need to rewind to Saturday.

Saturday was the last day to take my nursing test. Yes I am a procrastinator. Always have been, and I’m pretty sure I always will, though I do have the resolve just about every week that I will do better (and for the most part this semester that’s worked out pretty well…except for this test). So I took Dan to work Saturday morning, and came home to study. I studied studied studied my little brain out, and I felt like I was doing okay. Then I realized that the study guide that had been handed out only had half the material on it. First “crap.”

I found the rest of the study guide online, downloaded it, and then proceeded to finish studying. I go to pick Dan up from work at 1 and had a little inkling to check the testing center line conditions (I had heard that on Thursday the lines were out the door and the wait was an hour to get in). Since the testing center closes at 4 on Saturdays, that means the last test is handed out at 3. So I wanted to be there around 2 just to be on the safe side. I checked the line conditions on my phone, and low and behold, it was packed! Second “crap.”

I panicked. Completely and utterly panicked. I hadn’t finished looking through all the material and hadn’t even really hit the important stuff. I rushed home with Dan in tow, burst through the front door, gathered up all the pages I’d been studying, printed off the study guide I’d been working on, and ran back out the door. I was in tears. It was a little ridiculous, but I honestly and truly felt like I was about to legitimately fail a test for the first time in my life. I had made a goal to get all A’s on my tests this semester, and so far I’d done just that: New Testament, Statistics, and this Nursing test was going to ruin it all. (This part was like the overwhelming “crap” going on in my head. Don’t judge, I have high standards for myself.)

We booked it to school, Dan dropped me off, and I was still in tears because I knew there was no way this one was happening. I didn’t deserve it on any account to do well on this test, and I sure as heck did not deserve to even ASK for the help I DEFINITELY DID NOT deserve. I get to the testing center, and just catch out of the corner of my eye a glimpse of the line: it was out the door. Third “crap.” (Though this one might have gone through my head more colorfully).

This time I kept the tears in, after all I didn’t want to fail a test and be completely embarrassed on campus all in the same day. A girl’s gotta keep a little dignity with her. So I’m standing in line, which surprisingly moved fairly quickly, and looking through all the powerpoint slides, frantically trying to remember all the things I’ve learned the last few weeks. I offered up a silent, pleading prayer, fully acknowledging that I had not prepared enough and that I knew I didn’t deserve any help on this one, but asking just the same. I had done all the reading (really, ALL the readings), all the homework, paid attention in class, and I just prayed that that would be enough, to just help me remember THAT stuff. I had another thought, to read my scriptures.

I came across this little gem: 2 Nephi 11:7

“For if there be no Christ, there be no God; and if there be no God we are not, for there could have been no creation. But there is a God, and he is Christ, and he cometh in the fulness of his own time.”

I’m a firm believer that He hears me, that He knows exactly who I am, and that He completely understands why I do the things I do. I’m also a firm believer that He knows exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I’ve read this scripture before, and it hit me then much like it did on Saturday. Only this time, when I read that, it was almost like I felt Him tell me It’s okay, I can make up the difference, I know you’re not perfect, and you were never meant to be in this life. All I ask is that you try and consecrate your life to me. (In a lot more simpler feelings that words cannot quite express).

The test went great, in fact better than I could have hoped. I knew everything on the test except maybe 5 questions, and of those 5 I still felt moderately comfortable with the information. I turned it in, called Dan, and then decided to check my score. I was secretly in my heart of hearts hoping for an A (even if it was a 90, it’s still an A), all the while knowing that if I had gotten a B I would have been overjoyed! It loaded, and I almost broke down in tears right there. I had only missed 3 questions, and gotten a 93.6%.

You know those moments when you don’t even know where to begin to express how grateful you are for all the blessings in your life (especially the ones you see immediately) and “thank you” just never seems adequate, but it’s the only thing you can say?

This was one of those.

I jumped (practically) into Dan’s arms when I saw him, and I think he was honestly more excited than I was about this. Before I walked in to take the test, he had text me this: I CAN DO THIS! I AM SMART! I HAVE FAITH! I AM HAPPY! (these were each repeated 3x). I breathed a sigh of relief and it was all I could do to keep from crying (it was an emotional day) and smiling and laughing all at the same time. And then I told Dan crap! Now this means I have to keep the A’s on tests up! Haha go figure I was looking to let myself out of that goal!

Then Sunday came, remember it’s my favorite day of the week, and Dan was teaching Sunday School and had us look up this scripture: 3 Nephi 1:12-14

“And it came to pass that he cried mightily unto the Lord all that day; and behold, the voice of the Lord came unto him saying:

Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfill all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets.

Behold I come unto my own, to fulfill all things which I have made known unto the children of me from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given.”

So it’s talking about the sign of Christ’s birth that would be seen in the America’s, but the bolded part was really the message he was looking to grasp from this. I think the background information is important though. Anyway, it was just another one of those that I felt was directed to me personally (though I’m sure many people felt that way too).

Dan had these words written on the chalkboard: OPPOSITIONàPOSITIONàPOSITIVE

It looked something like this after he was done explaining everything:

OPPOSITIONàPOSITIONàPOSITIVE

The underlying message was that we should be positive when we face our trials and to never back down.

Take home message: be positive through your opposition. You don't have to like it, but be happy through it. If there's anything I have learned throughout my life (geez it sounds like I've lived forever) it's that my Heavenly Father knows me. He loves me. He is aware of me. Time and time again I'm reminded of that, and it always makes me cry...but a happy cry. A grateful cry. It's a goal of mine to personally try to be happy. All the time. Even if I have to fake it for a bit till I really believe it.

Anddd...since this was originally written 2 weeks ago...test update: I have gotten A's on all my tests, except 1 (and that one was a B)! (I have a theory on that...more to come later.)

Be HAPPY. Be.

There's no greater misery than to recall the time when we were happy. -Dante

I was talking to my sister today, and she read me this quote. It got me thinking. A lot.
For her, she was thinking on the side of making bad choices/addictions/etc, that kind of stuff that doesn't make you happy, and actually (in my opinion) takes you to quite the opposite end...misery.

For me, the thought immediately came to my mind of my marriage, and my relationship with Dan. And when I was thinking about that, I realized that looking back on the times where we weren't the happiest (mind you, these are brief instances) that it makes me sad, and at the risk of sounding cheesy, it breaks my heart. It literally aches when I think about it.

In light of this thought, I made a decision that I am going to be happy. Just be happy. HAPPY.

I don't want to look back on my life in misery because I didn't make the choice right NOW to be happy.
I don't want to be miserable when I think back on the life I've lived.

I WANT to be HAPPY.
I WANT to look back and remember that we LAUGHED. A lot.
I WANT to reflect on my life and SMILE because it's been a good life.
I WANT to remember that Dan and I LOVE each other. And that it's a FOREVER love.

I want to be happy, and to remember that we are happy TOGETHER. FOREVER&EVER.

Die like a hero going home

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.     -Chief Tecumseh

It's been another one of those days

One of those days that started out really rough and felt like I was scraping my face on the asphalt. Yeah one of them. Let's just say that it's like a huge bug hit the windshield and splatter it's guts in just the right spot so I couldn't see.

I read this quote:
"Faith isn't tested so much when the cupboard is full as when it is bare." --Elder Lynn G. Robbins

True story. I could say amen right there and call this post good.

But as the day went on, I was doing homework and stuff, and Dan came home from work early. I had missed him so much today. It was a little ridiculous to be honest. I just curled up on the couch next to him, we talked about what had happened earlier in the day, and I just felt the love of my Heavenly Father immediately. I felt Him wrap His arms around me and just hold me so tightly.

Then I read this quote:
"No pain that we suffer is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called children of God and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in Heaven." --Orson F. Whitney

We're not out of the fog by any means, but I can see just a little bit more clearly through that smog as we're walking through the valleys. Life is made of mountains and valleys. We're walking through a valley right now, but I know that as long as we keep striving to pay our tithing and read our scriptures and keeping the desires of our hearts righteous, the Lord is going to bless us. He won't take the trial away, but He'll provide a way for us to make it through this. I know that. I know that with all my heart.

....and now I'm headed back to the grindstone. To finish homework. 4 tests and I'm done with my first semester at BYU!

Faith

"All who call on God in true faith, earnestly from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked and desired." -Martin Luther

I feel like lately we've hit quite the bump in the road. Trials are supposed to make us stronger. I know that they humble us and bring us closer to God if we approach them with the right attitude. Sometimes, though, it's just hard. Sometimes I think (very selfishly I might add) why can't we just catch a break?

Then I look at everything we've been blessed with. We just figured out today that we can BOTH stay on our parents insurance until we're 26! Not that we'll stay on that long, but that's a huge relief right now. We don't have to quite worry about paying for that just yet.

Dan has a job, and might possibly be getting another one! He applied and interviewed at Sportsman's Warehouse earlier this week. Ironically enough, they're hiring in the HUNTING department. How perfect would that be for him? Not only would he be working at one of his favorite stores, but he'd love it because it's a hunting/outdoors store. The job he has now is such a blessing. He's more than providing for us, and he gets to talk to people all the time (another thing he loves).

We have an AWESOME ward. Coming from Texas, I didn't have too high of expectations for this ward, but it's been nothing but warm and welcoming. I know I've mentioned this before, but there are quite a few other couples in our same situation-newly married, living in a basement, etc- but more than anything, the people are just nice. I've had someone new sit by me every week and talk to me. That's such a relief to be in a ward that actually takes the time to fellowship new members. I already feel a part of the ward and we've only gone for 4 Sundays. We're even making chili for the ward activity this month. It's a Chili/Dessert cookoff!

We have so many other things to be grateful for that will strengthen us through our trials. We're healthy and we have a roof over our heads. We have family that loves us and is praying for us as much as we're praying for them. More than anything, we strengthen each other together. I realize more and more every day that I need him more than anything in this life. Between he and I and the Lord, we'll make it through everything and anything.

Together. Forever.

Embrace your trials. They're a gift. If you ask the right questions, you'll make it through.

All these things shall give thee experience

Man alive I have not blogged in almost a month (tomorrow). And that's definitely got to change. Honestly though, I can't say I've wanted to blog. There's nothing exciting or funny going on as of late and all it would be is just complaining and whining about how much I miss Dan and being alone sucks. Word.

But, my tune is about to change very soon. Dan is coming home next week!! I can't even begin to describe how excited I am about that. I'm so glad that he's going to be home and we won't ever have to be apart like this again. Seriously, if you ever have a choice: don't do this. It's awful. I won't lie to you or spare you the details. I cry a lot. And I've decided I really hate being alone. I miss my friends. I've been looking back on the pictures from Thatcher and it makes me so depressed. I really never thought I'd miss that one horse town, but I do. And I miss Arizona....a lot. Call me crazy, but I miss the desert and the cactus and the dirt.

I didn't get too attached to Texas...actually I was never attached to Texas...because I knew it was temporary. I went into that experience knowing it was temporary. Probably why I was glad to leave it. I miss the girls there. I miss going to the gym and dragging Jaynee along with me. I miss laying out at the pool and having real conversations with Jaynee and Abby (probably the only real social contact we had all day till our husbands came home). I miss Maria and the boys. They're a bunch of little spit fires, but you can't help but love them.

At the end of the day, I really just miss Dan and want so badly for him to be here. This bed has never felt so big and empty. I find myself sleeping in the middle so it doesn't feel that way. I'm sure Dan won't appreciate that too much when he gets here and I'm in his space.

But in retrospect, all of these things have forced me (yes forced...because I didn't choose this willingly) to grow up a little bit more, to still rely on myself for things, and to rely on my Heavenly Father. I really think I've said more prayers in the middle of the night in the last 2 weeks than I have in a long long time. But He's there. And I know He's there. He hears me and He is answering my prayers each and every day, because most days I can wake up and find something to smile about. The great weather outside, the mini work out I get every day from those atrocious stairs (they're still kicking my butt), and my cute little apartment that I get to come home to every day.

My sister in law, now she's something else. She's got strength that I hope in time to find within myself. She reminded me that I need to rely on the Lord, and that even though it won't take the loneliness away, His love can provide a sense of comfort. I've been learning that too. Slowly but surely, I'm recognizing Him more and more every day in my life. I hope this isn't setting me up for something bigger though. That would not be cool. But if that's what is asked of me, then that's what I'll do.

I was walking to my car Wednesday after class and it was definitely a downer day. I couldn't help but feeling alone and abandoned almost. The phrase from a scripture "all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy benefit" popped into my head. I just helped me to see that I am being watched over, He knows what I'm going through, and He's not leaving me alone.

Anyway, this has been kind of a downer post. It totally wasn't supposed to be. But I guess, for me at least, I don't hide how I feel. I'm getting a little big stronger. I can say though, that out of this experience, I've gained so much respect for anyone who has had to be without their husbands or wives for extended amounts of time. They are amazing. Hands down.

"Do not pray for easier lives. Pray to be stronger."

Pull My Finger

So this is actually about a couple of things. I've been meaning to blog for a couple of days and I just keep putting it off, which isn't good either because then I just find more things to blog about and the posts end up being miles and miles long.

On a side note: I just thought you should know that my house is FINALLY clean (not that it's that hard to keep our little apartment clean, but it's been a 2 day project and now it smells delicious) and there's cookies in the oven. Yeah, our apartment smells AMAZING right now.

Back on topic. Sunday night, Dan and I drove down to the Congress Avenue Bridge to see the bats. Yes, bats. There's hundreds of them that fly out every night right as the sun is going down. It's a pretty big claim to fame here in Austin so we figured we should probably check it out while we're here. Now this bridge is over a HUGE river, and by huge I mean at least 3 times the size of the Gila River in Thatcher. It's a good size river. Anyway, we're walking down to get a seat in the shade on the grass and let me tell you, it smelled NASTY! Like nasty putrid river smell. Yuck. We were there for almost an hour before all the bats started coming out.

It was pretty insane the amount of bats that were flying out and around this bridge. We even got these cool pins when we went there. This nice old man was handing them out.

Oh and here's a cute picture of us. We love each other....clearly.

Then just the other night, we were sitting down eating dinner and we were laughing and joking about a lot of things. Mostly him blaming me for all his farts. Real mature I know, but we're mature kind of people. Haha that's a good joke! So Dan turns to me and has this super funny look on his face and says "Pull my finger." Well of course when anyone says this, you know it's about farting, but it rarely ever works. Just for kicks and giggles, I pulled his finger. He farted. Night made. It was absolutely hilarious. And right on cue too. I pretty much just love the crap outta him.

Oh and one last thing, so our AC in the car went out last week. Suck fest. It's been just a little toasty outside. So it only works on power 1 and doesn't circulate throughout the car. You pretty much have to shove your face right up next to the vent to keep from profusely sweating. No joke, I'm not even being dramatic at all. I purposely go grocery shopping at 8 in the morning just so I can have the windows down and still be at a comfortable temperature. And to top it all off, it's been the hottest week all summer. I'm talking 110, 115. Not exactly the weather you want to be driving in without the blessed air conditioning. On the bright side, we've saved a TON in gas by not running the air conditioning. I'm talking like an extra 50 to 100 miles on a tank of gas. Yeah. Talk about a blessing in disguise.

I have been finding all these good quotes from Jeffrey R Holland lately, he's my favorite apostle. One in particular that I really love though and definitely hits home lately:
"Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

Welcoming our newest little addition...

Haha that's a bad joke. Man oh man. Anyway, while I've got a few minutes before I start making dinner, I wanted to introduce a new little friend of mine.

Meet Gus. 

He's my new little gecko friend that was hiding behind my couch yesterday. I had decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture a little bit and pull the table further out so there was more space to sit at the table without feeling crammed against the wall. So as I was pulling the chair away from the wall, Gus ran across the floor. I screamed. I was pretty embarrassed that I had screamed and I was the only one home. Well, I trapped Gus under a bowl because I had originally intended to just put him back outside. I should have known that geckos were pretty fast! He slipped out from under the bowl AFTER I had slid the paper under it so I could flip it over. I screamed...again. Then trapped him...again. This time, I just left him under the bowl and fully intended on keeping him there until Dan got home so he could take care of it. 

At this point, I'm seriously panicked...mostly because I didn't know what to do with Gus. I called Dan and of course he's out working so he didn't answer. So I called the next best source....the momma. She seriously laughed at me for probably a good 10 minutes. Alright, it wasn't really that long, but she laughed pretty hard. Then Jaynee came over and we watched the Bachelorette. Okay normally I don't watch those kinds of shows just because it's sooo much freaking drama and I get way too irritated at people being stupid, but I was bored...and now I'm hooked. So if any of you are watching it, seriously if she doesn't get over this Bentley thing, I might strangle her through the computer! He's a loser loser loser face. 

Alright, off the Bachelorette rant. So after Jaynee and I watched 3 straight episodes, we called it quits for the evening and she helped me capture Gus. I wish we had had a video camera going because we had to have been quite the site for anyone that was watching. Not only were we laughing hysterically, like that nervous anxious laugh, but my heart was racing so fast!! We finally got the bowl flipped over and then just went straight outside. I didn't want Gus getting into my bedroom at all and I wasn't taking any chances. So jar and cup in had (just in case he tried to escape) Jaynee and I headed outside and placed the bowl on the picnic table. One fall to the ground and bounce later, we had Gus in the cup and then in the jar. 

There he stayed until Dan got home. We considered keeping him and feeding him the fruit flies that we can never seem to kill but I was feeling pretty guilty last night. I mean if he was ever gonna make it in the gecko world, he should be outside at night where all the bugs are. So we set him free. It was a bit of a tearful moment as we watched our first little pet grow up and move on. Okay not really, but it was a happy little moment as he scuttled off into the bushes. He was probably as terrified as I was when I first found him in the house! Gus is now a free gecko though and I hope he always stays that way!

On a funnier note, this morning I was knocking on the bathroom door because I had to pee SUPER DUPER bad and Dan had locked the doors. Well I'm sitting there knocking and he comes around the corner and yells BOO! (toothbrush in mouth and everything-he was getting ready to leave for work). So naturally (and I say naturally like it was almost a self defense reflex) I punched him in the shoulder. Well I'm pretty sure I hit just the right spot and didn't realize how hard I'd thrown the punch because he just ran into our bedroom and sat on the floor and was laughing for a long time. But it was the laugh that you do when it hurts so bad but you just keep laughing instead of crying. Yeah he had a killer dead arm. I felt pretty bad. Actually I still feel really bad about it. So if it bruises or welts or anything, I'm for sure taking a picture and will post it! Go figure I've never been in a fight in my life and I can throw a pretty mean right hook. Poor baby. Still funny though. I'm chuckling just thinking about it.

Anyway, time to make some dinner. Fried rice :] So stinking excited!! Hopefully tomorrow there will be a grey's anatomy episode for me to watch too! Seriously, almost a whole month without the internet and STILL no new episodes! What the heck I'm dying! 

Quote of the day...from Abbs:

"Not everyone takes what I say as easily as you do."

Miss you abbs!! 

Oh my heck....I just realized there was no question of the day from Hannah Gunderson!! What is the world coming too?

Stop trying to find my dirty underwear

So I had done my laundry (the whites) earlier yesterday and they were on my bed in a pile because I had pulled them out of the laundry and then jumped in the shower--we had just gotten back from an adventure down the canal. So my delicates weren't on parade, but they were sitting rolled up in my sheets, in a pile, on my bed.

Dan and I were sitting on my bed and I was folding the shirts and keeping the delicates in a secretive pile under my pillowcase. WELL...Dan, lovely Dan, starts pulling out the rest of my laundry from being twisted up in the sheets! My underwear was getting PULLED OUT FROM HIDING!! At first, he was embarrassed and said he didn't mean to do it...well then he started doing it just to mess around with me!

So I yelled at him to stop trying to find my dirty underwear! What's even funnier was that there were a few people over that were sitting in our living room....so they probably heard me. Because he refused to quit bugging me, I grabbed a handful and threw it at him. Haha. It was pretty funny...mostly because he was so shocked.

Earlier in the evening yesterday, we were at a meeting for EDGE, the company Dan is working for this summer. Kristi King was trying to use her husband, Shannon, as a footrest. Shannon said, "Dan and I do not have the same color of skin." Kristi, after pondering this for a second, responds, "He's not black!" Oh man...we were laughing so freaking hard. Haha they're hilarious.

This morning, Jacie came over and was talking to Abbie and I for a little bit. Tayler came by to see her and say hello, and Tayler saw Abbie's jeans hanging dry over the banister. He made the comment that whoever's jeans those were had no butt. So Jacie came back into our apartment and told us what he said. Abbie said she was offended. Then Jacie startes yelling out the window at him Tayler!!! TAYLER!!! (I said Jacie maybe if you yell louder he'll hear you) TAYLER!!!!!!!!! Well...he heard her. Haha.

She said, and I quote: Tayler! Abbie is offended you said she has no butt!  He shrugged his shoulders.

Pretty much, Jacie Ames is hilarious. Abbie...is just Abbie. and... Daniel Haban is the love of my life. End of story.

Great quote I heard yesterday:
Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. --Winston Churchill

You know you live in Arizona when you go tanning by the river in January

Seriously...the lives my roommates and I live. It's so hard, just let me tell you. Okay not really, I mean we went tanning by the freaking river today and read our books...while giggling like little girls about all sorts of things...mostly boys.

So yeah, we lead a pretty rough life down here. But today proved to be quite the adventure. So Raegan has been dying to go to the river for the last two day! Why you might ask? I haven't the faintest idea...she's a freak! And the water is freezing!! But today we decided to appease her, and we got all dressed to go. We decided to go to Cluff Ponds. Well, my car is currently in the process of dying on me. Go figure...it's all paid off and now it decides to start falling apart. Oh well, I guess it's about time something happened. That car is as trusty rusty as it gets. So the point of telling that was to tell you that Raegan had to drive out to Cluffs.

Well, it turns out the road is a lot smoother than I thought. Anyway, we get out to Cluffs and there are a million and one people there!!! What the heck! We just wanted to lay on the dock and read our books and tan...but apparently it was the day to go out fishing at four in the afternoon! I mean shouldn't they be at work or something?! So we decided to go to the river...after exploring a little bit of course down primitive roads and through barricades that were blocked off. Yes we're quite daring and adventurous down here...it's usually Raegan's fault.

On our way to the river, the highway was all blocked off! We later found out after running into an angry police officer (he really was quite rude--we just wanted to know where we should turn around), we found out that a tractor tipped over into the ditch!! How sad! I hope the guy that was driving it is okay.

We finally made it down to the river, layed out, and read our books and talked about boys and everything else for probably an hour or so. Then Abbie decided she was entirely too cold and we left. All in all, it was a pretty successful day...working on the tan and spending time with the roomies...but I still haven't applied to BYU. My mom JUST MIGHT kill me. Don't tell her....Abbie!


Quotes of the day:
Abbie to Cody: You just lost your privileges.

"Eat shit and die!"
"You are too twisted for colored TV."
"You are evil and you must be destroyed.
Mother Nature is taking care of that faster than you will."
                 --Steel Magnolias

And this is why I will now begin training for a marathon

So I've got a pretty good looking boyfriend, and this fact was made pretty apparent to me today.

[Insert Picture of Sexy Rock Hard Body]

I also realized I'm at double F status--fat and frumpy. So to do away with the double F, I've decided that I am going to start training for a marathon. Yes I know that this has been an endeavor in the past, but I'd really like to just have a flat tummy. We'll work on the 6 pack eventually. But flat would be just WONDERFUL!

Then I could just appreciate the curves a little bit more. Don't get me wrong, I love my curves...but let's face it, a flat tummy would be nice. And that doesn't necessarily mean getting rid of curves, just accentuating them a little more, right?

Anyway, just some food for thought :]

Boys...They burp and they like to moon ya!! --Little Rascals
so then Abbie adds: And all I could think about was Arielle burping and Megan mooning!

FEAR THE FORK! Babies and HD TV, and Ugly Sweater Parties...hmm sounds like a week in Thatcher.

This blog has been in the works for a couple of days because, let's just face it, this week was intense!! We'll just start with by far one of the most epic games I've ever been to! (Okay I've only been to one other D1 game...so I don't know how I'm ever gonna sit through another one, but that's alright).

THURSDAY: So let's just say that holy cow...fear the fork. Yeahhhh buddy. If you'd like to read about the game, well Hannah Gunderson was so kind to write down the proceedings of the game. Read here :] While we were driving down there, Dan was on the po po watch (aka the cop watch) and I'm flying down the highway, going like almost 85--it's 75 out there. So I'm just cruising along, out of no where:
Dan: COP!
Arielle: Oh shit!
[Nervous laughter]
Yes, that's exactly how it went down. Excuse the language, but seriously I saw my insurance bill flash before my eyes. It was awesome. But the whole trip down there was super fun! We hung out at Raegan's house and ate some delish dinner and headed out to the game! ASU of course won!! Thanks so much to U of A's kicker. It's alright buddy...maybe next year you'll learn how to kick a little higher. Then the drive home, so cute. Dan just held my hand the whole time. :] Okay so the boy doesn't take losing too well, but it's okay, because at the end of the day he still likes me...even if I'm a sun devil. We played the make it or break it game with every one in the car--you know the one where it's a scenario of pretty much the perfect person, except one thing. It was super funny to hear the things that people came up with. Haha.

TUESDAY: So I let Dan read the last post on Tuesday night when he was over, and well needless to say, it was one of the most nerve racking moments of my life. I just climbed in my bed and faced the wall and was focusing on breathing. Not even joking. I didn't know what to do!! And he was just sitting on the end of my bed. I swear it was like a freaking half an hour to read it! Not really, but it felt like forever. So then, he gets up really quietly because he thought I was asleep or something, he kissed my cheek, and whispered really quietly, really softly: I love you. Oh dang I was awake. So he walks out, and then I was waiting for a second or two. I rolled over and looked at Abbie, thinking the whole time that Dan had already left, and we just started busting up laughing. And it wasn't exactly quiet laughter either. It was LOUD!!

Then we heard it...the door creaking open. Oh shiz. Yes we had just been caught laughing at him...and he hadn't even left yet! That was the worst! Okay I guess I should clear that up, we weren't laughing at him, more that the previous event had just transpired. I was NEVER, and I mean EVER, gonna let him read my blog, and then Abbie was like Arielle you have to let him read that post at least, and then I just gave it up, so yeah he's probably reading this right now...HI Dan!

WEDNESDAY: I was walking back from the institute with Jacquelyn Wolfe, Nicole Baldwin, and Tiffany Brimhall. We had just been watching Nicole's brother, Brian, basketball game. So we're walking home and we were talking about four letter words, and out of no where,
Nicole said: I bet when it happens, there's gonna be other four letter words associated with it. Dan's gonna say, Damn I love you.
[Then Jacquelyn pipes in]
Jacq: Yeah and Arielle's gonna say, Oh shit.
To make things even funnier, we all agreed that that would probably happen, or at least it was very very likely that it would come out like that!

FRIDAY: Okay this is what happens in the wee hours of the morning. Abbie and I end up talking about everything and anything...and lately, I end up balling my eyes out. (Honestly, I've realized lately that I'm such a ball baby! It's absolutely ridiculous.) The conversation spanned everything you could think of. Really. We talked about babies and HD tvs--which I think we've both decided that you can't tell the difference between HD and regular. We ended up being awake until 6!! I think I decided about 430 that it was pointless to even count on going to sleep!

So a few hours later, I wake up to go to class...yeah I made it through about 10 minutes of it. I couldn't even convince myself to stay. So Dan picked me up, and I hung out at his house for a couple hours...never quite getting to sleep. Ugh it was ridiculous. Let's just be nice and say I looked like a zombie. And that's putting it nicely. To finish off my day, I studied and went to bed around 1030, because I had to take my CNA test in the morning.

SATURDAY: Driving at 430 in the am. Highly recommend it. There is absolutely no one on the road! Except coyotes...which like to hide around corners and lay dead in the road. I'm pretty sure I just took off the head of the coyote and kept driving. But dang, I was awake!! Holy crap I was awake. The adrenaline was pumping and there was no way I was falling asleep after that.

So I'm sitting in the hallway and reading over my skills before I went to go take the skills test, and I just really missed Dan. I had just seen him, no joke 6 hours ago, and I would see him later in the day. I totally missed him though and I wanted to see him!! Ugh...the only bad thing about boyfriends, I find that I miss him in the most random times. Like at times when I should be stressing over a huge test...I missed him. And it was all I could do on the drive home not to speed like a crazy person just so I could get home faster and see him.

Then Saturday night, Monica got baptized!! I've gone to a few baptisms this year, and this one was so special. The talks were so amazing and the missionaries had everyone write down their testimony and put it in a book for her. Writing it down was so special to me. I hope she always remembers it, and honestly I think it was the best thing for me to just think about what I believe in and what I know to be true. It made me remember and realize what my institute teacher tells us every time we leave class...The Lord loves you and the Church is true.

Later, there was an ugly sweater party at my house! Haha super fun! We had a white elephant gift exchange. Dan picked first. Well Dan's gift was handcuffs and a stick horse. Okay, I don't think I've turned so many shades of red all at once. Everyone was like OHHHHHH!! Then a couple of gifts later, someone opened a pregnancy test. Then they asked if Dan and I wanted it...because apparently we were gonna need it for later. WHAT-E-VER!!! It gets better though, my number to pick was 24, so I picked my gift and it was fake money and police badges. Once again, I almost died. Haha then everyone really gave us crap for the gifts! When it came time for Brian to pick his gift, he asked this: If I trade with Dan, does Arielle come in handcuffs? Greattttt. Haha.

Well it's been a great couple of days...and honestly Matt Pellegrini right now wants me to leave my blog and go look at Christmas lights THAT AREN'T EVEN UP YET!! Hahah. Oh well, anyway it's been fun!! Seriously so much fun. Last night was by far one of the funnest nights in Thatcher thus far!

Quotes of the day:
hi my name is abbie colyar. i just took a shower and now I'm freezing. and I'm a mormon.

she didn't hear the wedding bells...she heard the wedding night.