Looking forward to the future

I haven't been on here in quite awhile. In fact, I've all but completely neglected this blog, but I just can't apologize for it. I have been so busy with school and just life in general that even when the thought crosses my mind to blog, it's usually right before my head hits the pillow. And lets be honest, when that happens, I'm out like a light in 5 minutes flat. Really. I could probably hold a record in the fastest time to fall asleep.

In all seriousness though, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. I graduate next year. NEXT YEAR!!! You have no idea how long I have been waiting to say the words "I graduate in December...THIS December." No more "next December." No more "2014." I can now say {almost} this year!!

Dan has been asking me what I am going to do after school, and to be frank, I haven't the slightest clue what I will do after school. It terrifies me. The dream has always been to graduate nursing school and to be a nurse. After that, I have no idea what I am going to do. When Dan asked me the other night what I was going to do after school, after a long conversation, I finally said:

I guess I'll have to find a new dream.

I don't know about you, but finding a new dream is down right scary. Especially when I have had this dream planned out to the "T" since I was 8 years old. You think I'm kidding about that last part, but sadly I'm not. So in the spirit of finding that new dream, I have been led to think a lot about what other goals I want to accomplish with my life, a more serious bucket list of sorts. Of course I have a bucket list going {refer to this post} but that's more trivial things...if you can call starting a clinic in Africa trivial.

Family. That's really what has been on my mind. I cannot wait to start my own little family one day. The thought is absolutely terrifying and I cannot imagine being entirely responsible for a new little life. I can't imagine the struggle it would be to bring that little life into this world. But when I see pictures like this, my heart aches for something that makes our family complete.

This is Dan holding our nephew Kason after he was born (almost 7 years ago!!). I just stumbled upon this picture and I cannot wait for that to be our baby he's holding.

I know for a lot of people it's not a huge deal. You want a family, then have baby! It's never been that simple for me though. I have a plan and a goal and a dream. And things for this dream have never gone according to plan. But I have 1 year left. I can do this. Power through, finish one dream, then move onto the next right?

I'll probably be over this in a few days, and realize how absolutely insane I would have to be to deliberately try to have a baby right now, especially as school winds down and I take the NCLEX. But it creeps into the back of my mind more than I care to admit. Maybe that's just Heavenly Father's way of reminding me what I really do want out of this life, consciously or subconsciously. For now, it's a good thing my awesome friend Kristi lives close and has an adorable baby!!

New dream: a family.