Love songs

I have this theory that once you get married (or are in a pretty seriously committed relationship) that all love songs start to apply to you. They each carry this meaning to you and you find yourself relating to each and every one...or at least I do. Maybe that makes me crazy, or insane. Maybe not.

There's always that one song that gets you every time. For me, it's the song Dan and I danced to at our wedding. It doesn't come on the radio, only courtesy of youtube, but it always takes me right back to that moment, where for a split second in time, it was all about us. Everyone was watching, and I was so lost in that moment I couldn't have cared for a second. He was everything I'd ever dreamed about, everything I'd ever wanted, and in that moment, my life was complete. Everything was absolutely perfect. I found my forever, my soul mate, my best friend, the one who gets me like no one else ever really could. 

Even 2 1/2 years later, he's still the only one that really gets me, and the one I run to for everything. He's the one at the end of the day I want to share all my stories with, and he never gets tired of them. He's the one I text during the middle of the day when I've had an epiphany or learned something great in school, or had the opportunity to perform a skill in clinical (no matter how disgusting or grotesque it may be). He's the one that always supports me, and sometimes carries my dreams for me when I've had enough and can't go on.

He's the one that loves me, truly loves me for me--all my flaws and imperfections. I probably would have driven anyone else crazy by now.

My heart is set on you. I don't want no one else.

Pulling my hair out

I feel like this is my life right now. Today. Tomorrow. This week. This whole damn semester. 

I wouldn't be all that surprised if by the end of the semester I have some grey hair, or my hair is falling out. It's ridiculous to say the least. So much for this being the "easy" semester of nursing school. It's already turning out to be much more difficult that Med-Surg. Not in the content, but in the amount of work they're asking us to do. You guys, it's a freaking joke. 

Care for a sample? 

For tomorrow, I have to have read 2 chapters in my Mom/Baby book (mind you these chapters are like 80-100 pgs long each), 30 pages plus another 80 page chapter for Pediatrics, and then 4 different articles for Ethics. 

Oh and to add icing to this cake, I have a public health module that I have to complete by the end of the week...which let's be real for a minute--it's a waste of my freaking time. I pay my college tuition not so I can do it online, but so I can sit in a classroom and have instructors teach me. Ugh. We won't get into that.

I feel like in a nutshell, this semester is a mess. It's all over the place and so completely disorganized I can't even stand it. I try so hard to keep myself organized and I just feel more and more frustrated with each email that I get telling me about a different assignment, or changes to an assignment. I kind of want to scream at someone to get their shit together. The faculty expect that out of us, don't you think it's rightly fair that we expect that out of them? 

I get that occasionally there's going to be changes, and not everything works out in real life as well as it looks on paper. But really, it's like one thing after another. And I'm over it. Done. Checked out. Ready for it to be Christmas break and onto a new semester. 

At the end of the day, this is what my life feels like. A complete and utterly disgusting mess. And I hate it. It gives me so much stress because everything is all over the place despite my best efforts to keep it organized. Not joking-I have a planner (that I'm ACTUALLY using this semester to write everything down) and a white board that's probably 3-4 feet long with a gigantic calendar drawn on it and all of my assignments color coded so I know what's what. I'm pretty freaking organized. 

But it's still not enough. I probably should consider investing in a personal secretary to keep me on task and getting my assignments completed. 

Because, at the end of the day...I feel like this. Crash and burn. 

At some point...somethings gotta give. At some point...this will all get better. At SOME POINT...I will look back on these days and laugh...or at least smile. Right?

Little Miracles

You guys...we have a slight problem. I have been doing a TON (literally a ton) of OB prep before I start clinical this Friday. I'm seriously so excited to actually be on the floor, and to top it all off I get to start out in Labor & Delivery!!! If you had talked to me about this a week ago, I would not have been this excited, at all.

What has caused this change of heart, you might ask? All of this OB prep. And touring the hospital last week to see where we would be each week as we rotate through all the mother/baby services at the U of U hospital. I just watched a video that basically takes you through the entire process of having a baby-conception to birth. So freaking awesome.

Really. Like it is no small miracle that so many things go right so often.

And to make this even better, at clinical on Friday I actually got to witness a birth!!! I could have cried (I didn't...that's awkward). But there was such a presence and at least for me, I could feel the Spirit so close in that moment. I really am going to enjoy my L&D semester.

BUT...it did remind me that I am definitely not ready to have babies of my own yet.

Good thing I have a year and half left of nursing school to get used to that idea of pushing a baby out. But, man I can't wait to see what they will look like...

3 Cheers for the Weekend

Yay for Saturday!!! In my opinion, one of the best days of the week. This semester, it will be an especially welcomed day. You see, this semester, I have clinical on Fridays...for 12 hours. I may die. I really am excited though, and this week I'm on Labor & Delivery!!! I thought I would be totally freaked out by the idea, but I really am excited for it.

In celebration of the end and survival of the first week back to school, guess what I am doing today? Homework. But I'm actually happy about it, because I am trying really hard to stay on top of school this year, not procrastinate (too terribly bad--old habits die hard), and be prepared for all my lectures. I've committed to myself to spend {at least} an hour every Saturday to getting organized for the next week and getting any last minute loose ends from the previous week tied up and completed. So far, we're doing good!

Anyway, school has been great so far and I'm really excited for the upcoming weeks and months ahead. Bring on the screaming mommas and crying babies!!