This is awkward.

I've officially (*note officially) decided that having a cold in the middle of the freaking summer in the sweltering heat and humidity that is Texas is quite possibly the most awkward feeling in the world. If you already saw that on my facebook post, sorry.

I think I'm finally catching the tail end of what the boys and Jaynee had last week. I had a sore throat (and when I say sore I mean it was concentrated to one little pocket on my left tonsil--don't worry, I checked. It was the only one with a little yucky on it...and no that yucky wasn't strep. I checked that too. I've seen enough strep living with Raegan that I was 110% positive it wasn't strep). Wow that was a long interjection. And thing hang nail on my thumb hurts friggen bad!!

Back on topic, so I had a sore throat for like maybe 2 days at most. I started sucking on cough drops and popping vitamin C like candy as soon as it started hurting. Then it went away by Monday and then last night at basketball, seriously within the whole hour that we were there, my nose was stuffed up and I couldn't breathe out of it. I could seriously feel the membranes getting filled and plugged with fluid. Sucks. A big freaking fish.

So last night, my poor honey had to endure me snoring through the night because I couldn't breathe. He said this morning that within 15 minutes of me falling asleep, I was snoring. He had stayed up to read a book for a little bit. It was the pits. So I couldn't breathe all night, and woke up around 4 this morning to go blow my nose and after that I could not get comfortable. I'm getting seriously pissed off with my hypothalamus lately because my sleeping schedule is so wacked. I cannot sleep through the entire night to save my life. I always wake up at least once and it's almost always between the hours of 4 and 6 in the morning. For the life of me I can't figure out why. It would only be 2 in Arizona, so it's not like I'm used to waking up that early or anything. But it sucks. And it sucks even more when you're sick.

I'm glad though that yesterday I cleaned up my house and did most of the laundry because I almost put it off until today and clearly that wouldn't have happened. I did manage to drag myself to the gym and do 30 minutes of cardio. I'm not sure if that was the best thing for me or not, but hey it's all gotta get out of my system eventually. Let's just get it circulated around and out of me as fast as possible. I came home, and seriously all I wanted was ramen. Sick right? Out of all the food that I have in the fridge, I was just craving some chicken ramen. Kinda like when you're sick your mom always makes you chicken noodle soup? Well I always thought the soup was too watery, not concentrated enough. So I like ramen.

I drove to WalMart, walked down the pasta aisle, and started to grab a couple of packages of the chicken ramen. Well, lo and behold, they have creamy chicken ramen. They have picante chicken ramen. They have oriental and shrimp ramen! Geez louise! I knew about the shrimp and oriental kinds, but the creamy and picante? Dang I was shocked! So I got some creamy to try. I'll let you know how it comes out.

I realized today that Dan doesn't ever blog on here...not that he would, but I feel like it's always me telling stories. I guess I'm the one who has the time to tell them.

I was talking to Dan last night after we got home from basketball and was just asking him about Kameron. I never met him or got the chance to meet him. I wish I would have had that opportunity. One day I will. Anyway, so I was asking Dan to tell me about him so at least I can kind of have a feel for who my other brother is. I also asked Dan if he thought things would be different for him personally if Kameron hadn't passed away. He said he probably wouldn't have gone to EA and would have tried to go to a university, but when Kameron passed away, he just wanted to be close to family. In that instance, I wasn't grateful things happened the way that they did with Kameron, but I'm grateful for the out reaching effects that it had. I never would have met Dan. I wouldn't be here in Texas. And I wouldn't be this happy and in love. So I don't feel like "thank you" is appropriate, but if you catch my drift, I am grateful. And I'm grateful for the eternities that are ahead that I will get that opportunity to meet him and to know him.

So this post is super sketchy and all over the place, but it's all the thoughts that are going through my head right now, and at least if they get written down, someone can try to make sense of them later. Good luck to them! Haha.

On our little desk right here where the computer is, there's 3 pictures. One of them is one of my favorite wedding pictures with Dan's boutonniere right below it. Another is Dan with Matt and Kameron when Matt got home from his mission. The other is mine and Dan's favorite engagement picture. It's in a frame that was given to us by Jacie Ames and her family. The frame says this:

Faith  Hope  Love

The greatest of these is Love.

Gratitude

Tuesday: Basketball night. Leftovers for dinner.

I hate waking up with swollen eyes. It's almost like you can't have a fresh start the next day  because the evidence it still across your face. I feel so drained. And it's almost a pain in the butt trying to find something to keep me in a good mood. I'm not in a bad mood by any means, but I'm just kind of melancholy. I could really go for some ice cream right now. Bahaha I'm such a girl.

One way to change that attitude is to think about what I'm grateful for and the blessings I've been given.

Number 1 (and not necessarily the most important): Momma. She is so amazing. I am so blessed to have the most amazing mom in the entire world and I'm so lucky to be able to call her when I'm sad or when I'm happy or just to talk to her and have entirely meaningless conversations. I don't know what I would do without her. She's one of my best friends. I've always appreciated that she's been my mom first and foremost before she's my friend. She's amazing. The life she's lived and made is amazing. I will be forever grateful that she got to be my mother and that I've been so privileged to have her in my life.

Number 2: Good friends. Yesterday was just a down day. It was all I could do to keep  myself from just breaking down every 5 minutes. I got a text from a friend that's here in Austin with us and she just helped me to see that I am strong enough, that I can do this, and that I'm not alone in anything. It's always a good feeling to know that someone is out there and someone's thinking about you. I'm grateful for a good friend that was able to help me smile yesterday and realize a lot of things about myself that are hard to see in the midst of a trial or a struggle. Thank you Kristi.

Number 3: Dan. He's my best friend in this entire world. When he came home yesterday, I had kept myself together pretty well by then. Pandora was playing country songs and the song that was playing was called "I Do" and he grabbed me and pulled me close and just danced with me in the kitchen. I lost it. I just cried and cried and cried. Like practically hysterical crying. I don't think I've ever cried that much in front of him. It's funny, I kept trying to do other things and get my mind focused on other things, but he wouldn't let me. He just  held me and I just cried. I finally told him just how scared I am about being there by myself for the first month of school and just all of that. But at the same time, I told him that I'll be okay. My sister will be there, Jami will be there, and so will all my mom's family. I'm gonna be fine.

He knows me so well though...how much I try to put on a tough face and hide behind it. And I love that he knows that. I love him. I'm so glad I married him. Even today, I just continue to realize how much I need him each and every day, how he just completes me. Sorry to sound like such a sap, but really it's true.

Anyway, time to head out and get a couple of things done. Feeling better and happier already. This gratitude thing....it really works.

Don't judge.

I may or may not be having a complete breakdown. I just looked at the calendar and realized exactly how long we're going to be apart in September. I just balled. And I'm still balling.

So I've always known that a month is a long time...heck it took the month before we were married to go by FOREVER!!! But I was talking to my mom and talking about when we wanted to get all our stuff moved up to Provo and looking for apartments and such. I went to go take a look at the calendar and figure out when I would want to go, and I just died. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I don't know if I can keep myself together long enough to say goodbye for a little while through the whole first month of school.

My mom's right, I'll be fine. It's going to suck, but I'll be fine. I'm sure there's going to be many nights that I just fall asleep crying at night from the lack of a warm body next to me or someone to put their arms around me when I've had a bad dream, but I don't know how many of those nights there will be. I'm sure that there's going to be plenty of times that I call my sister and have her come spend the night just so I won't be alone.

I so so badly just want to be able to be okay with this, to buck up and grow a thicker skin, maybe lose a tear duct or two, but I just can't. I know how much better this will make things with Dan staying to work an extra month, but I guess when you know how much someone means to you and how much closer it's getting to you having to be apart from each other, it makes you realize even more how much you love them.

Just the other day, I was just giving Dan a hug and it just hit me how much I do love him. I really didn't think I could feel for someone this much. It's crazy how much more in love with him I am now than the day we got married. Not that I didn't love him then, but just how much it's grown. I was talking to my good friend Jaynee and she just told me to remember how much I love him now, and see how much it grows in the next month. She's so right.

Anyway, the tears have subsided for the time being so I'm going to hopefully get a few things done around the house, maybe watch a movie, look for scholarships (which if anyone has any tips on where to find good scholarships, let me know!! BYU isn't cheap! haha), and potential apartments. Oh and make dinner for my husband when he gets home!

In church on Sunday, the talk in Relief Society was "Why are LDS women incredible?" The teacher asked us to write down on a little piece of paper why we were incredible, not as a collective group of women, but as an individual.

WHY AM I INCREDIBLE?

I have a hard time answering these types of questions, mostly because I feel like I'm bragging about myself or something...so I still haven't written anything down.

So I am asking you: Why are YOU incredible?

Welcoming our newest little addition...

Haha that's a bad joke. Man oh man. Anyway, while I've got a few minutes before I start making dinner, I wanted to introduce a new little friend of mine.

Meet Gus. 

He's my new little gecko friend that was hiding behind my couch yesterday. I had decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture a little bit and pull the table further out so there was more space to sit at the table without feeling crammed against the wall. So as I was pulling the chair away from the wall, Gus ran across the floor. I screamed. I was pretty embarrassed that I had screamed and I was the only one home. Well, I trapped Gus under a bowl because I had originally intended to just put him back outside. I should have known that geckos were pretty fast! He slipped out from under the bowl AFTER I had slid the paper under it so I could flip it over. I screamed...again. Then trapped him...again. This time, I just left him under the bowl and fully intended on keeping him there until Dan got home so he could take care of it. 

At this point, I'm seriously panicked...mostly because I didn't know what to do with Gus. I called Dan and of course he's out working so he didn't answer. So I called the next best source....the momma. She seriously laughed at me for probably a good 10 minutes. Alright, it wasn't really that long, but she laughed pretty hard. Then Jaynee came over and we watched the Bachelorette. Okay normally I don't watch those kinds of shows just because it's sooo much freaking drama and I get way too irritated at people being stupid, but I was bored...and now I'm hooked. So if any of you are watching it, seriously if she doesn't get over this Bentley thing, I might strangle her through the computer! He's a loser loser loser face. 

Alright, off the Bachelorette rant. So after Jaynee and I watched 3 straight episodes, we called it quits for the evening and she helped me capture Gus. I wish we had had a video camera going because we had to have been quite the site for anyone that was watching. Not only were we laughing hysterically, like that nervous anxious laugh, but my heart was racing so fast!! We finally got the bowl flipped over and then just went straight outside. I didn't want Gus getting into my bedroom at all and I wasn't taking any chances. So jar and cup in had (just in case he tried to escape) Jaynee and I headed outside and placed the bowl on the picnic table. One fall to the ground and bounce later, we had Gus in the cup and then in the jar. 

There he stayed until Dan got home. We considered keeping him and feeding him the fruit flies that we can never seem to kill but I was feeling pretty guilty last night. I mean if he was ever gonna make it in the gecko world, he should be outside at night where all the bugs are. So we set him free. It was a bit of a tearful moment as we watched our first little pet grow up and move on. Okay not really, but it was a happy little moment as he scuttled off into the bushes. He was probably as terrified as I was when I first found him in the house! Gus is now a free gecko though and I hope he always stays that way!

On a funnier note, this morning I was knocking on the bathroom door because I had to pee SUPER DUPER bad and Dan had locked the doors. Well I'm sitting there knocking and he comes around the corner and yells BOO! (toothbrush in mouth and everything-he was getting ready to leave for work). So naturally (and I say naturally like it was almost a self defense reflex) I punched him in the shoulder. Well I'm pretty sure I hit just the right spot and didn't realize how hard I'd thrown the punch because he just ran into our bedroom and sat on the floor and was laughing for a long time. But it was the laugh that you do when it hurts so bad but you just keep laughing instead of crying. Yeah he had a killer dead arm. I felt pretty bad. Actually I still feel really bad about it. So if it bruises or welts or anything, I'm for sure taking a picture and will post it! Go figure I've never been in a fight in my life and I can throw a pretty mean right hook. Poor baby. Still funny though. I'm chuckling just thinking about it.

Anyway, time to make some dinner. Fried rice :] So stinking excited!! Hopefully tomorrow there will be a grey's anatomy episode for me to watch too! Seriously, almost a whole month without the internet and STILL no new episodes! What the heck I'm dying! 

Quote of the day...from Abbs:

"Not everyone takes what I say as easily as you do."

Miss you abbs!! 

Oh my heck....I just realized there was no question of the day from Hannah Gunderson!! What is the world coming too?

I get to be an aunt!!! AGAIN!

So we got a phone call around 11 last night and at first Dan ignored it. Seriously who calls that late anyway? Then your mind starts going through the possibilities, what if it's an emergency or someone's hurt? The usual. Anyway, it was Matt, Dan's older brother. He called to tell us that his wife is pregnant!! Oh man we were soo excited! So whenever that baby is born, we're definitely going to be making a trip down to Thatcher to see him/her. I'm just so excited for them!

Yesterday, I went to the pool with Maria and her boys just for a little bit. Mason, the middle one, wanted to be a race car. So we were zooming around the pool and making crazy turns. It was actually quite fun. Then, out of no where Mason asked "What's that?" pointing at my chest area...more specifically the cleavage. Right off the bat, I knew exactly what he was talking about, but you can't admit that to a 3 year old! Trying to distract him I pointed to the tie that's in the middle of my suit and asked if that's what he was talking about. Of course he said no. Now things were just awkward because he pointed again and said "THAT!" So resolved to not tell him what "that" was, after all, I'm not his mom and I just don't think she'd appreciate me educating him on what "that" was. Anyway, I just told him that I didn't know. Crap. Lying to a 3 year old. That's gonna go over real well when it's all said and done.

Long story short: I get to be an aunt again soon!! And Mason is just the funniest little guy ever.

Hopefully the package my mom is sending me comes today. I really want to go get my dishes from BBB!! That's pathetic really, that I'm excited about dishes. Oh geez. Whatever shall I do?!