Why am I incredible?

Almost a week ago, the lesson we had in Relief Society was titled "LDS Women Are Incredible!" The talk was given in April 2011 general conference by Quentin L. Cook. You can read the talk for yourself here.

I posted a little about it earlier this week and I was rereading through the last few posts I've written (sometimes it's interesting to read back and remember exactly what you were feeling or that experience that you're writing about) and as of late, they've been very "complainy." I know that's not a word, but just roll with it.

I was thinking about the question that the teacher asked each of us at the beginning of the lesson: Why are YOU incredible? She had us write it down on a piece of paper. Well I couldn't think of anything in the moment. That's always an awkward feeling because I don't want to brag or anything, and I'm totally not compliment fishing or anything, I just couldn't really think of anything about myself that could be classified as "incredible." I mean I can do stuff, and I have talents, and I know I'm a daughter of God, so don't think I'm depreciating my self-worth or anything like that, but in the moment, I just couldn't think of anything that would be incredible to someone about me. And that was exactly the problem I was having.

So this card has been sitting in my bedside table drawer with my scriptures and it's been on my mind all week. Reading through my posts yesterday, I came upon the day I had a complete breakdown that it's not looking like I'll be with Dan for the first month of school. I remembered that day and all the emotions and just the complete lack of self control I felt because I couldn't keep myself together. I say "I remember" like it was ages ago, but really it was just earlier this week. Anyway, I usually have pretty good emotional self control. I can keep myself together pretty well, but for some reason that day, I couldn't do it. And it honestly felt like I was failing myself because all the heartbreak and the emotion was spilling over and I couldn't keep it in and deal with it on my own.

I still remember the surprise I felt when I got Kristi's text. And that's when it hit me what I could write on that card for why I am incredible.

I am incredible because I am strong. I can do this. I can do anything, whatever I set my mind to. I can do it. I guess sometimes, you just can't pull yourself out of the rut long enough to see that so it takes someone else recognizing that in you to help you see it. That's what Kristi did for me. She is such a strong person. I don't know her that well, but we've become good friends and some of the trials she's been asked to face are ones that I know I would never make it through. She's so strong and hearing that come from her telling me that I'm strong is a HUGE compliment.

I was going to blog yesterday, but I wasn't in the chipperest of moods, so I decided against it. I've been such a downer lately! Ugh I hate it, because I'd like to think I'm usually a pretty happy and upbeat person, but yesterday I just wasn't in it. I've been thinking and keeping a list (that sounds so pathetic) of all the things I want to blog about, whether it's something I've seen on someone else's blog that's really thought provoking or what have you. But last week, I was with some of the other wives and we were supposed to be watching a movie and ended up talking from 3 till 9 when our husbands got home! I really didn't think we'd all have that much to say, haha but we're girls so of course we do!

Anyway, one of the wives made the comment that someone had told her she needed to toughen up and stop complaining about her trials because there are other people that are going through worse things than that. Her reply was no...that she's allowed to complain about her trials because they're hers, not anyone elses. Just for her.

Not that I think everyone needs to be complaining about every little thing that goes wrong in their lives, but sometimes I think we too often don't express our feelings and emotion and just bottle them up because we don't want to be told that we shouldn't be complaining because there's someone else in the world that has it worse off than we do. I think repressing that emotion and not letting it out sometimes causes us to break, to fall apart, and to just lose it one day. I was reading a post from SDL and he was talking about how he's been told his whole life to grow a thicker skin and he's finally refusing to, because feeling is human. On that same note, I think that complaining and the whole emotion that comes with facing that trial is human. We shouldn't feel the need to repress that all the time. I know I'm probably the worst at this, but I'm going to start trying to express myself a little better. Maybe then these breakdowns will be MUCH MUCH fewer and farther between.

I am incredible because I am strong and because I can feel.