Little Miss Hide Your Scars

If you take a look around you, how many people do you see that have suffered or are currently suffering through a magnanomous (sp?) trial? Could you pick them out of the crowd? Even a circle of acquaintances that you briefly chat about nothing with on a pretty regular basis? My guess...probably not.

I've been wanted to blog about this title ever since it slapped me upside the head while listening to Sugarland one day (leave it to Jennifer Nettles to slap you silly with her bomb lyrics). So I've been thinking and noticing just around me immediately who has "scars." Bear with me on this one, it's a little far fetched, but just go with it.

I can't help but notice how many people have lost someone close to them--like as in immediate family close to them. Fortunately for me, I haven't had to go through that, but seeing all the people around me and their tragic stories, I'm scared outta my mind.

It's right in my own family. My husband lost his brother, and likewise my sister in law lost her husband, and my nephew lost his dad. We watch Kason every Wednesday so Jami can go to her institute class (which major props! I'm pretty sure I only go to  my religion classes 1/3 of the time because I actually get a grade). Don't get me wrong, I love love love watching him and getting to play with him every week!! It's probably one of the highlights of our week (mostly because it gives me so much hope and happiness to look forward to Dan being a father to our own kids one day). I love being an aunt! It's so fun and exciting! But I can't help but wonder what life would be like for them today if Kam were still here. Heck, I wonder how different my own life would be. Would we have gotten along? Would Jami and Kason even be in Utah? Probably not.

I had a funny thought the other day--and by funny I don't mean literally funny like haha, but just interesting. Dan and I were talking about his friend Clayton (who also passed away) and different memories that Dan and his friends have with him. I just had this thought, and I looked up at that great big beautiful blue sky and thought to myself, "I can't wait to meet you." I have decided I like talking to Dan about Kam, and I love the way he lights up when he is talking about Kam. It makes me feel like I kind of know my other brother. I hope that when that day comes and I finally do get to meet him, I'll recognize him from all the stories that I've heard.

Anyway, back to scars, they're everywhere, and I feel like as a person, we're always trying to hide them. We don't want people to know that we're broken, or bleeding, or falling apart. We just don't. I don't know if that's the pride and arrogance of us as human beings coming out, or it's just we don't want people to know how badly we're really hurting inside, and that as long as we keep a brave face on a play the part, no one will ever know and we can silently hurt and attempt to put ourselves back together.

I have a good friend, in fact she's probably one of my best friends, that I had the priviledge to live with this last year in college. We'd always been "friends"-ish before, we'd played on the same softball team for a year or two, and she was dating and guy in my ward. So I saw her around. Anyway, she came down to Thatcher last year, and lived with me! It was by far one of the best experiences of my life. She's that friend that's not afraid to call it like it is and tell you to suck it up (and I needed that quite frequently). She's also that friend that has taught me so much about the importance of the gospel in keeping your life together amidst great tragedies.

She lost her brother in a terrible accident. I remember when it happened that I actually got a text from her boyfriend asking everyone to pray for Ben. Fast forward 2 years or so, and I can't tell you how many conversations we've had that lasted way into the small hours of the morning about all these scars on our lives. As we got to be better friends, I learned more about the scars she carries, and I've developed a great love and admiration for her, and anyone that has had a similar situation, the one who does keep going, even if it's just going through the motions for a while, but doesn't let that defeat them.

I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like right now without my brother. He has so much life and love and spirit in him and it's always bringing a smile to my face. I cannot wait to see him in just a few weeks, when my family is here for Thanksgiving.

But not to dwell on that, I really would like to know why we are always striving to hide these scars we carry? Everyone has them, and everyone will get at least one or two more by the time this life is over for each of us. I just hope and pray that when you see someone on the street, don't judge them by their appearance or their attitude or their demeanor. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. So be kinder than necessary, and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Trust me, one day, you'll need that benefit when your scars hit you.