Looking forward to the future

I haven't been on here in quite awhile. In fact, I've all but completely neglected this blog, but I just can't apologize for it. I have been so busy with school and just life in general that even when the thought crosses my mind to blog, it's usually right before my head hits the pillow. And lets be honest, when that happens, I'm out like a light in 5 minutes flat. Really. I could probably hold a record in the fastest time to fall asleep.

In all seriousness though, I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. I graduate next year. NEXT YEAR!!! You have no idea how long I have been waiting to say the words "I graduate in December...THIS December." No more "next December." No more "2014." I can now say {almost} this year!!

Dan has been asking me what I am going to do after school, and to be frank, I haven't the slightest clue what I will do after school. It terrifies me. The dream has always been to graduate nursing school and to be a nurse. After that, I have no idea what I am going to do. When Dan asked me the other night what I was going to do after school, after a long conversation, I finally said:

I guess I'll have to find a new dream.

I don't know about you, but finding a new dream is down right scary. Especially when I have had this dream planned out to the "T" since I was 8 years old. You think I'm kidding about that last part, but sadly I'm not. So in the spirit of finding that new dream, I have been led to think a lot about what other goals I want to accomplish with my life, a more serious bucket list of sorts. Of course I have a bucket list going {refer to this post} but that's more trivial things...if you can call starting a clinic in Africa trivial.

Family. That's really what has been on my mind. I cannot wait to start my own little family one day. The thought is absolutely terrifying and I cannot imagine being entirely responsible for a new little life. I can't imagine the struggle it would be to bring that little life into this world. But when I see pictures like this, my heart aches for something that makes our family complete.

This is Dan holding our nephew Kason after he was born (almost 7 years ago!!). I just stumbled upon this picture and I cannot wait for that to be our baby he's holding.

I know for a lot of people it's not a huge deal. You want a family, then have baby! It's never been that simple for me though. I have a plan and a goal and a dream. And things for this dream have never gone according to plan. But I have 1 year left. I can do this. Power through, finish one dream, then move onto the next right?

I'll probably be over this in a few days, and realize how absolutely insane I would have to be to deliberately try to have a baby right now, especially as school winds down and I take the NCLEX. But it creeps into the back of my mind more than I care to admit. Maybe that's just Heavenly Father's way of reminding me what I really do want out of this life, consciously or subconsciously. For now, it's a good thing my awesome friend Kristi lives close and has an adorable baby!!

New dream: a family. 

High on life

You guys...today has been a great day. Phenomenal, in fact. I did not think it would end this way, considering everything I had to do today.

Last night, I was studying and finishing up some homework that was due this morning. I went to bed around 12:30 and woke up at 5 this morning to get everything finished. No sleep for nursing students. Anyway, I get ready, finish the homework and head to school. We had a Professionalism Conference today...blah. Really, these things are kind of a drag. The keynote speaker always loses me 15 minutes into the presentation. It didn't help today that I had to study for a test I was taking later that day. 

To make it even better, they dimmed the lights. It should be cardinal rule during any presentation that extends longer than 30 minutes that you MUST do the following:
1. Keep the room cold--okay, not so much cold, but definitely NOT warm
2. Keep the bright lights on
3. Be engaging, or at least entertaining--powerpoint is not engaging. Or at least that's what they tell us in school. And it wouldn't hurt if they threw in a joke every now and then.

So anyway, we get through the keynote speaker (hallelujah) and then we had 3-30 minute break out sessions. Usually these are kind of a drag too. Surprisingly, and gratefully, today they were not. They were actually quite interesting. Well, 2/3 were interesting, which is a pretty good run for these professionalism conferences.

We get lunch, and then some of us had to rush off to a Global Health information meeting. Next summer, we get to participate in a global health semester, which is the semester where most people go abroad (Ghana, Tonga, Taiwan, India...). I have always planned on staying in Utah for this semester--I'm a little attached to my husband and sleeping in my own bed next to him. Today, I had quite a little revelation, or inspiration. Whatever you want to call it. It was awesome! And a little daunting.

The instructors started talking about the group that goes to Washington D.C. for their study abroad. Something about their little 2 minute presentation really spoke to me, and I just had this feeling, the small little ones in the back of your mind, telling me that's where I wanted to and needed to go. I went to a little informational meeting about it, and I kept getting more and more excited.

But the excitement had to be put on hold. I had to study for a test, which proved to be quite difficult. I could not for the life of me focus. But FINALLY (after 3 hours of dinking around trying to study), I buckled down, studied hard, and sailed pretty well through the test. I was so happy with my grade! It was an entire letter grade improvement from the first test--who wouldn't be happy with that.

Then I was able to get back to the excitement of Global Health. I talked to Dan, and he instantaneously said yes! I had to ask him 3 or 4 or 10 times if he was sure he was okay with me being gone for 8 days and spending a little extra money to go to D.C. He was. He's awesome!! So kids, I did it. I signed up to go to D.C. for my global health study abroad and I'm so so excited about it. And Dan is already brainstorming ways for us to help raise a little money to pay for some of the cost to go (he really is the best husband ever!).

Anyway, I'm a little high on life right now. I've had a great day, which is quite the change from Friday (thank goodness) and I just feel so so blessed in my life to have married the man I did, to be at the school I'm at, and to be in this wonderful nursing program that has presented me with countless opportunities to grown, succeed, and diversify myself from other nursing students. I feel truly and richly blessed.

Happy Monday everyone!

*Side note: I realized that I should probably blog more often so that it's not just "I hate my life" rants and "Life is awesome" posts. Just a thought--it may or may not happen. I just can't quite commit to that one.

Rant

If you're not in the mood for a "frustrated, I'm a little pissed at the world, can't stand my life" kind of moment, come back another day. That's just who I am this week.

Guys, it will be a HUGE and FANTASTIC miracle if I make it through this semester without either
1. Being medicated
2. Taking up drinking
3. or Doing hard drugs

It's a damn joke, my life. And believe me, this is me trying to have a good attitude about it. But clearly that's not working yet. I'm still fighting too hard against the stupid loop holes nursing school forces you to jump through. I'm sure in the morning, I will be ready to face my life, deal with my issues, and start jumping so damn high that I'll have reached the clouds. Until then, welcome to my little pity party.

This semester has been THE most challenging by far since I started school. Balancing my marriage, school, work, my health and well being, and my own spirituality has proven to be So. Hard. I feel like I'm constantly running on empty, and there's always more work to be done than I have time or energy to give.

School feels so insanely unorganized with too much work to get done in a week, let alone a day, and get enough sleep to continue functioning. I really do stay pretty on top of my life. I have a calendar, and a planner, and reminders in my phone. I get things done. I do them right. But for one reason or another, I completely spaced on part of my assignment. To add insult to injury, my instructor was less than helpful or understanding about it, and to be honest, a little condescending and unforgiving. I understand that I didn't get it done, and that's fine. I can own that. What really grinds at me is that it's the first week of clinical. How in the world are we expected to get every single little thing right the very first week. Can't you cut a girl just a little slack? Take points off for being late, whatever, but at least show a little kindness and understanding.

Just empathize a little. Recognize that I, the STUDENT NURSE, don't know everything. I am just LEARNING. I don't have 20+ years of nursing experience in one particular field under my belt. I haven't seen THAT much. And what I have seen has been in 3 separate fields, and no two fields are alike. Respect that I am trying to learn and master skills. I'm trying to apply the things I have learned in YOUR lecture to my clinical experience.

The stress and anxiety of it all is making me sick. Literally. My stomach has been in knots for the last week. Today, I barely made it out of the hospital before I burst into tears because it's too much. Much too much.

So tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow HAS to be a better day. For now, I'm going to finish a few things and just be done for the evening.

Checking out. 

October and fall leaves

October is one of my favorite times of the year, second only to Thanksgiving, and probably my anniversary. Here's a few reasons why.

1. All things pumpkin are now acceptable and will be for the next 3 months.

Let's just talk for a minute about how great pumpkin chocolate chip cookies are. Really. They are probably the BEST dessert ever. Pumpkin pie is pretty great, but these are my all time favorite. If you've never tried them (and you're a pumpkin pie fan), you NEED to.

2. The leaves are changing. They are turning all these absolutely brilliant shades of red, yellow, and orange.

3. The weather is finally starting to cool off, giving everyone (myself included) a much needed break from the heat. Bring out the sweaters, scarves, leggings, and boots!

How cute are these clothes? I think a shopping spree is in order, and I need to get some cute boots up in this closet. And that brown bag...most definitely. Love it all. I just love fall!!

4. Outdoor activities can actually be enjoyed without sweating to death or being eaten alive by mosquitoes.

I love sitting outside with Dan watching the sun go down. It's one of my top 5 favorite things to do with him. I love that the weather has cooled off enough that it's almost chilly when the sun finally does go down. I love that it's cool enough the mosquitoes have mostly died off and aren't attacking me anymore.

Hiking is definitely pretty high on that list. Dan loves being outdoors, so I'm sure in the coming weeks, we'll be outside quite a bit. Hopefully enough before the snow hits!

Love songs

I have this theory that once you get married (or are in a pretty seriously committed relationship) that all love songs start to apply to you. They each carry this meaning to you and you find yourself relating to each and every one...or at least I do. Maybe that makes me crazy, or insane. Maybe not.

There's always that one song that gets you every time. For me, it's the song Dan and I danced to at our wedding. It doesn't come on the radio, only courtesy of youtube, but it always takes me right back to that moment, where for a split second in time, it was all about us. Everyone was watching, and I was so lost in that moment I couldn't have cared for a second. He was everything I'd ever dreamed about, everything I'd ever wanted, and in that moment, my life was complete. Everything was absolutely perfect. I found my forever, my soul mate, my best friend, the one who gets me like no one else ever really could. 

Even 2 1/2 years later, he's still the only one that really gets me, and the one I run to for everything. He's the one at the end of the day I want to share all my stories with, and he never gets tired of them. He's the one I text during the middle of the day when I've had an epiphany or learned something great in school, or had the opportunity to perform a skill in clinical (no matter how disgusting or grotesque it may be). He's the one that always supports me, and sometimes carries my dreams for me when I've had enough and can't go on.

He's the one that loves me, truly loves me for me--all my flaws and imperfections. I probably would have driven anyone else crazy by now.

My heart is set on you. I don't want no one else.

Pulling my hair out

I feel like this is my life right now. Today. Tomorrow. This week. This whole damn semester. 

I wouldn't be all that surprised if by the end of the semester I have some grey hair, or my hair is falling out. It's ridiculous to say the least. So much for this being the "easy" semester of nursing school. It's already turning out to be much more difficult that Med-Surg. Not in the content, but in the amount of work they're asking us to do. You guys, it's a freaking joke. 

Care for a sample? 

For tomorrow, I have to have read 2 chapters in my Mom/Baby book (mind you these chapters are like 80-100 pgs long each), 30 pages plus another 80 page chapter for Pediatrics, and then 4 different articles for Ethics. 

Oh and to add icing to this cake, I have a public health module that I have to complete by the end of the week...which let's be real for a minute--it's a waste of my freaking time. I pay my college tuition not so I can do it online, but so I can sit in a classroom and have instructors teach me. Ugh. We won't get into that.

I feel like in a nutshell, this semester is a mess. It's all over the place and so completely disorganized I can't even stand it. I try so hard to keep myself organized and I just feel more and more frustrated with each email that I get telling me about a different assignment, or changes to an assignment. I kind of want to scream at someone to get their shit together. The faculty expect that out of us, don't you think it's rightly fair that we expect that out of them? 

I get that occasionally there's going to be changes, and not everything works out in real life as well as it looks on paper. But really, it's like one thing after another. And I'm over it. Done. Checked out. Ready for it to be Christmas break and onto a new semester. 

At the end of the day, this is what my life feels like. A complete and utterly disgusting mess. And I hate it. It gives me so much stress because everything is all over the place despite my best efforts to keep it organized. Not joking-I have a planner (that I'm ACTUALLY using this semester to write everything down) and a white board that's probably 3-4 feet long with a gigantic calendar drawn on it and all of my assignments color coded so I know what's what. I'm pretty freaking organized. 

But it's still not enough. I probably should consider investing in a personal secretary to keep me on task and getting my assignments completed. 

Because, at the end of the day...I feel like this. Crash and burn. 

At some point...somethings gotta give. At some point...this will all get better. At SOME POINT...I will look back on these days and laugh...or at least smile. Right?

Little Miracles

You guys...we have a slight problem. I have been doing a TON (literally a ton) of OB prep before I start clinical this Friday. I'm seriously so excited to actually be on the floor, and to top it all off I get to start out in Labor & Delivery!!! If you had talked to me about this a week ago, I would not have been this excited, at all.

What has caused this change of heart, you might ask? All of this OB prep. And touring the hospital last week to see where we would be each week as we rotate through all the mother/baby services at the U of U hospital. I just watched a video that basically takes you through the entire process of having a baby-conception to birth. So freaking awesome.

Really. Like it is no small miracle that so many things go right so often.

And to make this even better, at clinical on Friday I actually got to witness a birth!!! I could have cried (I didn't...that's awkward). But there was such a presence and at least for me, I could feel the Spirit so close in that moment. I really am going to enjoy my L&D semester.

BUT...it did remind me that I am definitely not ready to have babies of my own yet.

Good thing I have a year and half left of nursing school to get used to that idea of pushing a baby out. But, man I can't wait to see what they will look like...

3 Cheers for the Weekend

Yay for Saturday!!! In my opinion, one of the best days of the week. This semester, it will be an especially welcomed day. You see, this semester, I have clinical on Fridays...for 12 hours. I may die. I really am excited though, and this week I'm on Labor & Delivery!!! I thought I would be totally freaked out by the idea, but I really am excited for it.

In celebration of the end and survival of the first week back to school, guess what I am doing today? Homework. But I'm actually happy about it, because I am trying really hard to stay on top of school this year, not procrastinate (too terribly bad--old habits die hard), and be prepared for all my lectures. I've committed to myself to spend {at least} an hour every Saturday to getting organized for the next week and getting any last minute loose ends from the previous week tied up and completed. So far, we're doing good!

Anyway, school has been great so far and I'm really excited for the upcoming weeks and months ahead. Bring on the screaming mommas and crying babies!! 

I believe

Sunday was an especially enlightening day for me. I think, given Saturday's events, Sunday was exactly what I needed, and my Heavenly Father knew that.

Saturday morning, Dan and I went to the temple. We haven't gone all summer; we never really made the time to go together, and between summer sales, and then his car accident, we were pretty busy. We finally made the time to go, and I was so thrilled. I had been looking forward to it for days. That morning though, I just felt like I'd been beaten down and pushed around. I felt like absolute crap about myself, and did not want to go to the temple at all. I flopped down (dramatic...I know) on the bed and just started bawling. It was a little ridiculous in retrospect, but it happened. Dan sat down right next to me, and asked, "Is Satan working pretty hard on you too?"

In my moping and crying trying to find a happy place, I hadn't even noticed Dan was struggling too. We sat for a minute, and then I got up, dried up, and we left for the temple. I felt so much IMMEDIATE peace as soon as I walked through the doors of the temple. It always amazes me how every single fleeting thought that plagues your mind outside just leaves when you cross the threshold. It's overwhelming. But it is so necessary, for in that peace and quiet, I find that I have come to know of my Heavenly Father's existence and very real love for me and awareness of me.

I feel my Savior's love in all the world around me. His spirit warms my soul through everything I see.
I feel my Savior's love; it's gentleness enfolds me, and when I kneel to pray, my heart is filled with peace.
I feel my Savior's love and know that He will bless me. I offer Him my heart; my shepherd He will be.
He knows I will follow Him, give all my life to Him. I feel my Savior's love, the love He freely gives me.

I left the temple feeling very blessed, and very happy. Saturday evening, Satan decided to go at me again though. Unfortunately, this fight did not go over so well. I was sobbing in the bathroom, and could not, for the life of me, stop. It took me staring myself down in the mirror, and verbally saying out loud each and every blessing I had been given that day that I could think of. I kept going for probably 10 minutes, listing blessings off in rapid succession. But I noticed something. By the end, I wasn't crying, I wasn't feeling down on myself for x, y, or z, I was actually happy. My spirit felt like and I was smiling.

Sunday morning came, and as we were getting ready for Church, we listened to MoTab radio on Pandora. It always puts me in the right mind set for Church. In Relief Society, the lesson was on a talk given in General Conference from April, Elder Holland's "Lord, I believe." This was one of my favorite talks from conference for the honest message it conveys and how much it helped me feel like I am not failing on my journey through life. I wanted to write down a few of the highlights from the lesson for me.

The father appealed to Jesus with what must have been last-resort desperation in his voice: "If thou can'st do any thing," he said, "have compassion on us, and help us." "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."

"Straightway," the scripture says--not slowly nor skeptically nor cynically but "straightway"--the father cries out in his unvarnished parental pain, "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." In response to new and still partial faith, Jesus heals the boy, almost literally raising him from the dead, as Mark describes the incident.

1. When facing the challenge of faith, the father asserts his strength first and only then acknowledges his limitation
          -In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited. In the growth we all have to experience in mortality, the spiritual equivalent of this boy's affliction or this parent's desperation is going to come to all of us. When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes.
          -The size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue--it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the truth you already know.

This point was brought up in the discussion: How can we exert our faith and our testimony BEFORE asking for help. Some of the responses were to develop good habits in the good times (reading your scriptures, saying prayers, attending the temple) because they will carry you through the bad/difficult times. Another was to have gratitude. My favorite was a friend who said that during a difficult trial in her life, she reflected back on Nephi's psalm, which says "I know in whom I have trusted." It brought her comfort because although the situation was difficult, and she didn't know what was going to happen next, she knew who it was that she trusted. 

2. When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your "unbelief." That is like trying to stuff a turkey through the beak!
          -I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have.
          -Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not! So let us all remember the clear message of this scriptural account: Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another. But if you and your family want to be healed, don't let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle. 

Blessings and recognizing them: there are ways that He answers our prayers and helps us that we cannot see!

3. You have more faith than you think you do because of what the Book of Mormon calls "the greatness of the evidences." "Ye shall know them by their fruits."
          -This is a diving work in process, with the blessing s of it abounding in every direction so please don't hyperventilate if from time to time issues arise that need to be examined, understood, and resolved. They do and they will. In this Church, what we know will always trump what we do not know. And remember, in this world, everyone is to walk by faith. 

*Be kind regarding human frailty--your own as well as that of those who sever with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we.
          -Limitation is not in the divinity of the work.

4. When doubt or difficulty come, do not be afraid to ask for help.
          -A 14 year old boy recently said to be a little hesitantly, "Brother Holland, I can't say yet that I know the Church is true, but I believe it is." I hugged that boy until his eyes bulged out. I told him with all the fervor of my soul that belief is a precious word, an even more precious act, and he need never apologize for "only believing." I told him that Christ Himself said, "Be not afraid, only believe," a phrase which, by the way, carried young Gordon B. Hinckley into the mission field. I told this boy that belief was always the first step toward conviction and that the definitive articles of our collective faith forcefully reiterate the phrase "We believe." And I told him how very proud I was of him for the honesty of his quest.

What was once a tiny seed of belief for me has grown into the tree of life, so if your faith is a little tested in this or any season, I invite you to lean on mine.

I loved the point that Ashley Riggs (the teacher) made at this statement. She said that this is one of the great things about this society of women! We can lean on each other during the difficult times and be that strength and support for one another. She said we should invite others to lean on us for a while if they need to. I'll help to hold you up for a little bit. 

I know that only at our peril would we allow doubt or devils to sway us from its path. Hope on. Journey on. Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe.

There will come a time, or you will reach a point, where you can't do it on your own. But the beautiful thing is we were never meant to do it on our own. That's why we have a Savior!
I read this scripture Sunday night, and it was so incredibly fitting given the day's events. 
Mosiah 23:21  "Nevertheless, the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith."
I thought about it, thinking first of all that's a little twisted to purposely throw obstacles in our way, but then I thought about how those obstacles are thrown out of complete love for us and are intended to help us grow and turn to Christ, and be more willing to let go and let Him help us. There's a saying that I love, it says: Let go, and Let God. So much truth in those 5 simple words. 

I kept reading, and verse 22 said: "Nevertheless, whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day"
We are promised, PROMISED!, that if we put our faith and our trust in the Lord, He will make our burdens light, and we will be delivered. 

Days like Sunday, I'm so so grateful for an omniscient and omnipotent Heavenly Father who absolutely and completely knows me. My every weakness, shortcoming, insecurity, strength, talent, and even the very deepest desires of my heart, He knows.

And if you want to listen to Elder Holland's talk, I find the message to be even more profound.

In the words of Elder Holland, Hope on. Journey on.

Hash tag: Mary Kay Party!

*kudos to Emily Jacobson for the title to this blog post! I have been laughing about it ever since she said it tonight.

I went to a Mary Kay spa night thing with Kristi King and Emily Jacobson tonight. First of all, can we just talk about the fact I didn't even want to go.

I went to one of these spa night/facial parties like a year and a half ago. It was ehhh...okay at best. Kind of dumb to be honest. But I went. Free facial..can't really go wrong with that! Except you totally could. Anyway, I was promised a $10 gift card to use if I came to the thing. Fine print: I had to use it that night. I'm sorry what? Sucky. So I asked what the cheapest thing I could get is, because let's get real, Mary Kay is on the pricier end of make up sales. To make a LONG LONG story very very short, I ordered a blush. Only she didn't have it with her. She said she'd mail it to me. I was moving in 4 weeks out of state. She said it wouldn't be a problem at all. Alright, no big deal. 4 weeks comes and goes. I text her multiple times in the 4 weeks, each time being promised that the blush would get sent THAT week!

Move it along through the summer in Denver, and I get a text from said MK lady, that she's super sorry it's taken so long and she's sending a bunch of free goodies with it. Okay, I can work with that. Move BACK to Utah, and seriously it was another 3 or 4 months before I heard from her again. Finally, I was so sick of it all that I text her and basically told her I just wanted my money back and didn't care about the product. Low and behold, 3 days later my blush finally showed up...with another $10 gift certificate. Yeah...never going to order from her EVER again.

Fast forward to now. So basically I didn't want to go because of said bad experience, and I was so tired today! I had a million other things I could have done, but I kind of just said what the heck and went. Thank goodness Kristi and Emily both scrubbed out too, because it was a yoga pants kind of evening. Surprisingly, I had a lot of fun, and I actually got to use the product on my entire face (the first time they only had me put it on half my face...annoying). The MK lady that invited us was super cute and way friendly! The three of us had a pretty good time too. (At least I did!) It was nice to get out for an evening with some friends and go get make up/beauty tips.

So now, we're getting ice cream this weekend and some free product and listen to Melanie's business w/ MK. And we might just possibly go to the Pink Party in September...just for the heck of it. Not going to lie, I kind of enjoyed being out tonight at the party. I'm sure most of it was the company, but the atmosphere definitely helped. Thanks for a fun night out Kristi and Emily!!

#MaryKayparty

That one time I didn't blog for a month!

Wow! Really I cannot believe it has been that long since I've blogged. I don't have too much to say right now. But here's a quit bit of what we've been up to lately!

I've been working, cleaning house, laundry, and working on my diy headboard--it's taking forever. I've literally been working on it for a month or so. I've have a new-found resolve to get it finished before school starts though! 3 weeks!! (Which reminds me...I need to get on ordering those textbooks.) I'm working out pretty regularly now and I haven't felt this good/comfortable with my body in a LONG time. It's amazing that even though there's not a huge physical change yet, I feel a big mental/emotional change, and that is a great feeling!

Dan has been working like a dog and trying to take it easy since his back relapsed 3 weeks ago. Poor guy is so go go go that it's hard to get him to slow down at all. Thankfully, this time he has done a lot better with working hard but taking the time to rest. He starts school again in a few weeks too, and I think he's excited about it? Mostly, I think he's excited to be done with the summer. It's been one of the toughest by far, but I'm so reassured that this is what we were supposed to do this summer, and it's definitely been a blessing for us.

Ward party tonight that I'm SOOOOOO excited for. Really. This is the party we've heard about since we moved in (we had just barely missed it by a few weeks). So I'm super happy we finally get to go!

We helped our good friends Shannon and Kristi move into their new apt yesterday. Poor Kristi had such swollen ankles from moving all day, but what else can you expect at 37 weeks preggo? She got to set up the baby's room though and the mamaroo! That is a pretty dang cool swing, not gonna lie. Check it out!

It's been a good month. The sister moves up in a few weeks for school, and two of my best friends are coming next weekend for a visit!!! <-- I'm way excited about that if you couldn't tell.

Have a great week everyone! Off to keep sanding that bedframe!

PS. I will finish blogging about Nauvoo. Expect another post on Sunday!

Quote

Explore. Create. Give yourself as much room to fail, as well as the room to succeed. Use a little of the old while ushering in a whole lot of the new. Develop into your own opinion leader. Need no approval. Be courageous. Be humble. Be loving. Be respectful. Learn about everything. Remember there is more than one truth. The best armor in life is self-love and respect. Don't trap yourself with the desire of wanting to be liked. Be respected. Trust yourself to be your own confidant. Tell yourself yes more often than no. Don't take this world personally. Know that every person you come across has something powerful to teach you, especially enemies. Never fail to deliver on your word. Never make yourself smaller for ANYONE. This world is yours in any way that suits you.

Live.

-Jada Pinkett Smith

Nauvoo: Day 3

Tuesday was a significantly busier day than Monday, and I did remember my camera that day. So this post will not be long and boring with no pictures. We started off our day in the Brigham Young home. If there was a house or a place that really made an impact on me, it was there. This was the sitting/living room inside Brigham Young's home.

 This is a cute little tea sit in the little girl's room. It wasn't necessarily from the original Brigham Young home, but it was from the period. It's adorable though!

We walked into a room off the side of the house. This was the room where the Twelve Apostles and the Church were organized to continue on after Joseph died. My grampa made a comment to all of us that in this room was where it happened for him. This was where he gained his strongest witness that the Church is true and that it is led and directed by Heavenly Father.

One of the Sisters who was giving us the tour told us to think about our ancestors. She told us that our ancestors are praying for us to stay strong and with the gospel. This one hit me pretty hard because I started to think about all these people on the other side that are rooting for me to stay strong and keep strengthening my testimony and faith. I thought about my Grampa and Gramma Mecham, I thought about Kam, I thought about Heber C. Kimball, and I also thought about Brigham and Joseph. I thought of all they have sacrificed in their own lives for the sake of the gospel and I thought of all the work they must be doing on the other side to continue to further the work of the Lord. It filled my heart with so much peace and joy to know that I have so so many people on my side pushing for me to do what is right. I also gained a realization that this gospel is true and it is led by Heavenly Father and nothing can take it from the earth again. 

This is the Twelve Apostles at the time that Joseph died. Three future prophets were among that Twelve.

One of the Sister's who was giving us the tour turned out to be Sister Russell. Long story short, she and her husband lived in Safford, AZ and he taught at EA. Come to find out that her husband (Elder Russell) was the public speaking teacher at EA, and Dan was one of his students. Dan was super excited about that and she let us know that he would be at the Jonathan Browning home later that day so Dan could see him. 

Brigham Young had built an outdoor cellar to keep food and other things in. It surprisingly was pretty cold in there. And my stinking little brother locked Chandler and I in there!! When he finally let us out, I told him (completely jokingly) that I didn't want to talk to him. Poor kid has such a guilty conscience that he kept trying to hug me and apologize! 

We went next to the printing shop. The Elder told us that the upper case was full of the capitalized letter and the lower case was full of the non-capitalized letters. He said that was where the names "upper" and "lower" cased letters came from-the early printing press.

This is the printing press that was used during the time. Ethan got to help demonstrate how the press actually worked. They had a demo of the Times and Seasons on the press to show how it worked. 

We then went next door to the John Taylor home. This home had one of the steeper staircases of all the homes we visited. I don't remember too much about it beyond that. On that note though, I cannot believe those pioneer women walked up and down such steep staircases with their long skirts and all! We were struggling to not trip and we were all in shorts/pants. Another place we went to was the Drug store-which had a ton of herbs to mix up for different remedies, fabric, sewing supplies, and even different housewares!

We stopped at the school house and were given a math and spelling lesson. Those benches were dreadfully uncomfortable to sit on. I really felt bad for those poor kids! We also finally met Sister Hatch! By complete accident even! She came into the room because she heard we were from Arizona and she said she was from Mesa. My mom talked to her for a bit, and it turns out the Hatch's knew my Gramma and Grampa Mecham from when my grandparents used to work at the temple (and when my Grampa was governor). We told her we were going to Rendezvous that night and she just laughed and said it would be fun and interesting. She told us that she and Elder Hatch were not actors or singers!

We finally made it to the Jonathan Browning home and Elder Russell was there. As soon as Dan walked in the door, Elder Russell immediately recognized him and gave him a huge hug! I think that was probably a trip highlight for Dan! Elder Russell was one of his favorite teachers at EA. He asked us if we were going to Rendezvous that night because he was going to be in the show, and we told him we were.

 

This was a display that was set up to show the different guns Jonathan Browning had made and different guns from the period as well.

We went to the family living center (the last stop of the day before dinner and then Rendezvous). We met an Elder who was from Canada (we picked it out immediately because he said "eh" after he talked). It turns out he knew my uncle Dennis (my dad's brother) from serving their missions together. We learned how to make barrels, and how to make rope! Your arm sure gets tired after spinning that wheel for a long time! But we did get to keep our rope and it stood up straight which meant it was good quality rope!! 

We also got to taste bread that had been made in these special ovens, and I cannot remember what they are called so if anyone knows, please comment and tell me! Basically the oven was a brick chamber with a fire built below and it had this fancy wood door to close the chamber where the bread/meal was cooking. We saw how they made candles in large quantities, and how they made their rugs from scrap pieces of fabric!

That night we went to Rendezvous in Old Nauvoo. Holy cow, what a hoot!! It was hilarious to watch and I loved every minute of it! After, we finally met Elder and Sister Skidmore too! 

Elder and Sister Skidmore made sure we were coming to Carthage and that they would love to be the ones to give us the tour of Carthage jail. 

{Elder and Sister Skidmore, Dan, Elder and Sister Russell}

And the moment we had all been waiting for, to see the stars of Rendezvous (okay not really), Elder and Sister Hatch!

{Caitlin, Rylee, Chandler, Elder and Sister Hatch, Dan, Me, Ethan}

It was so fun to see them. Elder Hatch was giving Caitlin a hard time because we had seen him quite a few times and each time he asked Caitlin where her fiance was! Tyler didn't meet up with us until Wednesday, and Elder Hatch gave Caitlin a hard time saying that Tyler wasn't real and she was just making it up. Funny funny!!

We talked to the Hatch's for quite a while after Rendezvous and Elder Hatch said some pretty hilarious things which I had to write down immediately so I wouldn't forget them

. 

Elder Hatch: I gave away 3 extra bricks (from the brickyard) one day and you would think I gave the gold plates away!

*All of us just laughed

Elder Hatch: I really got in trouble!

Elder Hatch: How many bricks did you get

Us: Oh lots!!

Elder Hatch: No don't say that!

Us: Oh...we only got 1.

Elder Hatch: Okay good- say that!

Elder Hatch: You have to stay an extra week if you call your spouse by their first name. We had 3 extra weeks by the time we walked out of the mission president's office.

Tuesday was a very long but very very funny day, mostly thanks to Elder Hatch. He has us rolling we were laughing so hard and some of the stuff he said! He kind of reminds me of what I picture Ethan will be like when he's an old man-goofy with funny stories!

And just for kicks: some other Nauvoo funnies that don't really fit on any particular day. So this one is as good as any.

Dan and I rode in the car with my grandparents for most of the time that we were in Nauvoo. We took to singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall...root beer of course.
Anyway, gramma thought we had said 99 bottles when we were already down to 95, so my Grampa, being the quick wit that he is, says "Gramma's too drunk to remember how many bottles we've had!"

We also sang Row row row your boat a few times and started singing it in a round. Well, leave it to us to get confused between which line in the song we're singing and replacing words, namely getting stream and dream confused. Don't ask me how.
Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream.

Nauvoo: Day 2

**Preface: I totally forgot our camera the first day we were in Nauvoo. So when my family gets around to swapping pictures, I'll try to put some in here!

The first place we stopped was the Heber C. Kimball home. This place is super special for my Gramma because he is her great great grandfather. It was a pretty cute little house to go through. I didn't take any pictures though. Fail. We did get to go onto this little balcony ledge that you are not technically allowed to go on, probably for safety reasons, but one of the Sisters who was giving the tour let us! She even went down to the street level and took our picture. It was a pretty neat thing to do!

The second place we stopped was the brickyard. I don't know why but I didn't take any pictures there. This was where we met Elder Hatch. More on him later. So we go into the little "classroom" where they teach you how they made bricks in Old Nauvoo. It was actually quite interesting and I learned a lot. There is quite a bit of iron in the soil in Nauvoo which gives the bricks their vibrate red color. In order to bake the bricks, they built a type of enclosure with all the bricks and put the fire underneath it. The bricks would bake for a few days, and then be left to cool for a few more days after. The bricks would be three different colors at the end of the baking process depending on their location during baking. The bricks that were closest to the fire were charred black. The ones in the middle were the beautiful, vibrant, and rusty red color. The ones on the outside were a lighter red, called a salmon brick because it did not get baked long enough.

 They would build the homes three-four layers thick on the outside with the bricks. The Elder who was telling us the stories about the bricks asked us to guess how many bricks were used on a single house. We all guess 4-5 thousand bricks. Ethan guessed 30,000. The Elder told us that Ethan was the only person who he had ever had come close to the correct number, which was 40,000. Love that genius brother of mine!! Then they gave each family a brick to take home to remember the Old Nauvoo brick yard. I have it sitting in our window sill along with a few other Nauvoo artifacts and it always reminds me of this lovely week we spent in Nauvoo.

Back to Elder Hatch. So, when you get to the brick yard, you ring a bell to let the Elders know that you're there. Elder Hatch and his companion (another Elder...I can't remember his name) came out and talked to us for a few minutes before we went inside the "classroom." We found out Elder Hatch was from Mesa, AZ. Super cool dude already just for being from that great state of Arizona. We found out that he used to drive the Wells Fargo stage coach in all the parades and stuff. He was pretty cool, and he told us to go take a wagon ride the next day (Tuesday) because he would be driving the wagon and we could see him. We also were asked probably a thousand times if we were going to go to Rendezvous while we were there. That got kind of annoying, not going to lie.

*Side note* We stopped at a lot of houses throughout the week...and I won't be able to remember them all, but I will definitely include the highlights. 

We stopped at the Sarah Granger home, which has an incredible view of the temple. She had a sweet little home, and she was instrumental in helping to organize the Relief Society. We also went to the shoe shop and learned how shoes were made back in the day! It was super cool and informative and it helped me to realize why people only had 1 or 2 pairs of shoes-those things were made to last for a LONG time, and were fit perfectly to your specific foot. We stopped at the tin shop and saw how hurricane lanterns were made, and also different size pans were made and sealed shut to prevent them from leaking. We also went to the blacksmith's shop and were each given "Prairie Diamonds." The wagon shop was right next door and we learned how the axle and wheels were made for the wagons to go across the plains. That part was pretty neat because it helped me to personally gain more appreciation for the sacrifices the pioneers made, leaving everything they had for the sake of the gospel. What faith they must have had.

We also went on the wagon ride which is drawn by two gigantic horses (I don't remember what kind they were off the top of my head) but they were big, and beautiful. Anyway, there was a family sitting in front of us, and the mom turns around (she's a young mom-late 20's) and asks Dan if he has a brother named Kameron. He said yes, and after she told us that she and Kam were in choraleers together at EA and they were good friends. I thought it was super cool and I'm sure Dan did too that 3000 miles away from Arizona, someone still recognized Dan and knew Kam. She told us to find her parents (who were serving their missions in Carthage) and say hi because they knew and loved Kam too. We told  her we definitely would. My mom leaned over after we were done talking and gave Dan a hard time because he ALWAYS knows someone wherever we go. It's one of my favorite things about him. I'm so glad it carried all the way to Nauvoo too :]

Monday night, Nauvoo turns into a ghost town. Everything closes up around 6 for family home evening. We grabbed some dinner at a BBQ joint (it was the only place open) and then walked down the street to get some custard for dessert. A bunch of sister missionaries came in and guess who we found!!!!

Sister Bekah Streeter! I didn't know if she was still serving her mission or if she was done already. We saw her a few more times during the week and it was super cool to see her again!!
We went home after, and likewise crashed and planned out the next day...it was going to be a busy one!

Car Accident

Well friends...it happened. Dan's very first car accident since we've been married. Thankfully, everyone was okay and no one was seriously injured. Unfortunately, our car was in pretty bad shape.

Yeah...it was bad. So here's what happened:

Dan left for work about 7:45 am on Tuesday, June 25th. He was driving down 400 South in Springville heading towards the freeway. There's only one stop light from the freeway to Main street (a good 3-4 miles away). In the mornings, the traffic can get pretty backed up at that one light and if you're not paying attention, accidents happen that you can in no way avoid. Such was this lovely Tuesday morning. 

I was sitting at home, Dan had just left, and I was cleaning up from making his lunch. I was probably checking out instagram or something, and I got a phone call from Dan (5 minutes after he had left). I thought it was to read scriptures together.

D: I just got into a car accident 

A: No you didn't. Are you serious?

D: Yes...

A: *Slight panic* Umm okay, well are you okay?

D: Yeah I'm okay.

A: Alright, call the police and I will be right there!

Seriously, how sad is that that I thought my husband was joking when he told me he was in a car accident? Bad wife right there. But he literally had JUST left, and he sounded so calm on the phone that I didn't think anything had happened. Poor guy was probably in shock. I called my mom and I can feel my adrenaline kicking in and my heart is racing and I'm frantically searching for some basketball shorts and a t shirt to throw on. I felt so bad for waking her up (it was 6:45 AZ time) but she was awesome! I was trying to calm myself down but it was hard. I took off down the street and it felt like twice as long to get to where the accident was. I could see the police lights up the street and the traffic backing up. When I came up over the hill and I saw the damage to the lady that hit Dan's car, my heart just sank. The entire front end of her car was smashed. Then I saw our car. I've never been so anxious to see Dan in my entire life. There were 2 more cars ahead of Dan that got hit as well,  so I had to park a few feet ahead of the accident. It's kind of a surreal moment because you see all the wreckage, but your mind can't take it all in. I had a one track mind at the time...just get to Dan.

That's probably way more dramatic than anyone cares to read, but it really was how I was feeling. I knew in my heart he was okay (and he had told me) but I just needed to see him and get that reassurance that everything really was okay.

Here's how Dan described the accident (in my words): Traffic was pretty far backed up, almost to the top of the hill, not unusual for a Tuesday morning. He looked down to call me so we could read scriptures, and he heard screeching and then he got hit. He doesn't remember actually getting hit (thank goodness), but he said that his first thought, as soon as he got the car out of the way of traffic, was to make sure everyone was okay. 

And since diagrams are always helpful, here's two. One before the accident, and another for after the accident.

Basically, what happened was this: the lady who caused the accident was going down the road (probably 45-50 mph-the speed limit) and Dan was backed up with the traffic to almost the top of the hill. This is one of those hills that you can't see what's on the other side at all until you're on the very top of it. So you have no clue what color the light is until you're on the other side. Unfortunately for her, Dan was right there. She slammed on her brakes, and slammed into Dan. She hit Dan so hard, that he slammed into car #1 and car #1 hit car #2 (okay more like love tapped-car #2 barely had a dent in the bumper). 

 Our back bumper was barely hanging on, and the front wasn't hanging on too well either. Even looking at these pictures, it makes me so sad. We've only had that car for 6 months. 

 This is the damage to car #1 from Dan hitting it. 

This is the car that hit Dan. Her car was JACKED UP. Dan said that there was smoke coming from her engine for a few minutes after the accident. Thankfully, she was okay.

So after an hour or so getting the accident cleaned up, and getting the preliminary copy of the police report, we went home. In all honesty, we probably should not have driven our car home, but we did. The steering column was totally wacked, and the back two tired looked like they could buckle in any minute. It was the longest 2 mile drive back home ever. To add insult to injury, we had to go like 25 mph the entire way. 

Duke's of Hazard style...so ghetto. Love it.

So we spent the rest of Tuesday dealing with car insurance companies, claims, x-rays, and the chiropractor. And over the last few weeks, more calls from the insurance company and claims and chiropractor. We found out yesterday that the car is totaled. I went over to the body shop and cleaned everything out of the car. I probably could have cried had I been in a more emotional state. Thankfully I wasn't, but it really was sad. It got take away from the body shop today. No more taters to speak of.

All through this experience, I've honestly felt so blessed. The mechanic told us, after having one look at the car, that we were so lucky to have an old car. The old cars have steel bumpers, and that basically saved Dan from A LOT more serious injuries. Then we also found out yesterday too that we are getting more money for the car than we had originally thought. That was a huge relief because car shopping with not so much mulah is really quite depressing. Oh and one more HUGE blessing, the car insurance company called yesterday and they need the title in order to send us the check for the money from the totaled car. Well...we couldn't find it last night. Looked everywhere and could not find it. I was super frustrated to say the least. When I got home from work this afternoon, I started searching, and low and behold I found it!! Hallelujah!! Last blessing, our awesome upstairs neighbors have an extra car that they don't use over the summer and they have been so kind to let us borrow it until we get a new car! Thank you has never been so inadequate. They truly are gems. Thank you Jenkins!!

In summary, car accidents suck. But we have felt extremely watched over and blessed through the entire trial, despite the major set back of being down to one car again. I've been so assured again and again that my Heavenly Father is so aware of us and knows what we're going through right now. I have never been more sure that my Savior knows me.

That one time I spent 12 hours in Beaver

This is Raegan. She is one of my best friends and she came to visit me this week. I only wish it had been under better circumstances. Let me elaborate. 

She came down on Tuesday night (12 hours post car accident-another post for another day) and she had every intention of being home by Wednesday afternoon/evening at the very latest. Hah...if only we had known the week that was in store for us. 

Background: Her family goes to Lake Powell every year for a week or so, and Raegan and Jeff (her husband) were headed down from Rexburg to meet up in Powell with her family. Long story VERY short, her car broke down in Beaver, UT. Not exactly the middle of nowhere, but basically as close as you can get to hillbilly land and still be right off the freeway. Her car had to get towed to the auto repair shop a mile down the road, got a rental car, and headed off to Powell. Fast forward one month, and Raegan stayed at our house and I was going to go down with her to pick up her car from the auto shop and drop off the rental car in Cedar City. Now, if everything had gone according to plan, we would have left Wednesday early morning, picked up her car from the shop, dropped off the rental in Cedar, and been home by 2 in the afternoon, and Raegan would have been home in Rexburg by that evening. Simple enough, right?

Tuesday night: call the auto shop, car is still not done. The mechanic said it would hopefully be done by Wednesday afternoon. Okay, not ideal in the least, but we could deal with it. 

Wednesday morning: car definitely won't be done today. Raegan has to figure out how to reschedule some assignments with her teachers. 

Wednesday night: car may be done by tomorrow morning, the mechanic said he would stay late that night and work on it, but he is the only one who can drive the tow truck to pick up stranded cars

Since we weren't leaving on Wednesday, Raegan and I went to DI to look for some colored suspenders for the colored run that she and Jeff are supposed to run in at midnight tonight. No such luck, unfortunately. We got some Little Caesar's Pizza for dinner, and just prayed that the car would be done on Thursday. Raegan had to be back, there was absolutely no way she could miss all of Friday too. Frustrated is a good word for Wednesday.

Thursday morning: called the mechanic, and he said he could maybe have it done today. She basically told him (in really the NICEST way possible) that she had to pick up the car today and could not pick it up any other time for another 2-3 weeks. We left on a whim and serious act of faith. 

We got to Beaver around 2:30 on Thursday afternoon and the car wasn't done. No surprise there, but the mechanic gave us a car that he had just rebuilt the engine on. He needed miles on it, and we needed to return the rental car. So we headed off to Cedar City. *Side note: we couldn't let the rpm's on the new engine go over 3000. We drove SLOW the entire way to Cedar City. Longest 50 miles of my life.

  

We stopped and got some lunch/dinner before we headed back to Beaver. We stopped at McD's for old times sake and ordered hot n' spicy's. So good and gross at the same time.

We turned around and made the long 50 mile drive back to Beaver. So it's been probably 2 hours now, and the car still isn't done. Oh my gosh. The mechanic told us to go drive around Beaver, see the town, and he would call us when the car was done. We saw the great town of Beaver...it took all of about 5 minutes. There were some pretty sights though. 

This was a little ways up the canyon in Beaver. A rain storm was moving in, and it made the views pretty breath-taking.

I love love love the American flag. I always feel so much pride and gratitude and joy in my country whenever I see it. I loved the look of it blowing in the wind and the storm clouds moving in overhead. This was in the parking lot at the National Guard building in Beaver.

This statue was in front of the post office and is a memorial that's dedicated to all the people from Beaver that served in WWII. 

2 hours of meandering through Beaver, we head back to auto shop and we were both basically at a loss for what to do. It's probably 7:30 by this time, and we had both planned on being home by now. There is a bench that sits in front of the auto shop and Raegan and I sat on that bench for probably 3 hours waiting for her car. The storm clouds (I really was obsessed with the clouds yesterday) were beautiful though, especially with the sunlight breaking through them. 

We talked about everything, literally everything. You name a topic, we talked about it at some point during the day. Finally, our butts were so numb from sitting on the bench for so long, we got up and walked around for a few minutes. I made Raegan stand next to the tow truck and take a picture to commemorate this lovely adventure we were on.

So it's 11:30 now. We are exhausted, bordering on slap happy. The car is finally down from the rafters, and they are getting ready to turn the car on. Moment of truth... and it starts. Halle{freaking}lujah. Now it was a matter of loading the old engine into her car. She needed to take it back to the yard she bought the new engine from to get $150 back. It was an entertaining experience to say the least, and we really almost just left without the dang engine. 

Her car was weighed down so much by that old engine. Oh man Izzy was a LOW RIDER that evening. The mechanic had to go pick up a stranded car about a mile up the highway, and then he would be back and we would get the paperwork done and we'd be off on our merry way. We drove her car around to make sure the engine was working, and came back to the shop, filled up with gas, and washed the windshield. This was probably the icing on the cake. One of her dang windshield wipers broke. 

Okay, so it didn't exactly break, but I could not figure out how to clip it back onto the wiper. So annoying! 

We were finally on our merry way home by 12:30. Longest 2 hours of my life. Raegan and I were both so tired and we talked to keep each other awake, but holy cow it was almost exhausting to keep conversation going. We really ran out of things to talk about. Probably never happened in our lives, and I'm sure it was mostly to do with the lack of sleep and frustration from the days events.

We finally made it home at an exhausting hour: 2:30 am, and we rolled into bed. I was so tired that it was almost difficult to fall asleep. Raegan left this morning and finally made it back to Rexburg by 4 ish this afternoon. So much for a quick trip, but thankfully, Izzy made it back to Rexburg in one piece. 

The next time I see Beaver, UT again...it will be too soon.

Lessons learned from this lovely experience:

1. Interference engines need to have their timing belts replaced

2. Auto mechanics are always running late

3. Driving home at 2 am is rough...

4. If you're going to be stuck in Beaver at a gas station for 6+ hours, you might as well be stuck with your best friend.