What are you guys...50 and married?!

Okay so this blog title has absolutely nothing to do with what I wanted to blog about, but Abbie and I were talking about blogging and Rustin made the comment: What are you guys...50 and married?! That's like what my mom and all her friends do! Hahaha it was hilarious!


So really this blog is to fulfill a "prophesy" if you can call it that without being sacrilegious, but this is honestly so cute that it has to be shared.


A very cold morning i wake up and shes not there, 
So i look straight up and i start to stare. 
I wonder in my mind, "is she still asleep?"
Thinking about the next time we'd be able to meet. 

A fell asleep thinking about her as a friend, 
First thing in the morning is me thinking, "wow i hope this never ends"

Everyday we've seen each other for a little over two months, 
Except of course when i have to leave for my hunts. 
I've definitely savored every moment that we spend, 
And then it comes to my mind, "Is she now my best friend?"

Every laugh, every sigh, every single goodbye, 
Has been the moments where i can see our relationship fly!
I hate it sometimes when with her i act so sappy, 
I just don't know how to express that when I'm with her I'm happy!

I'll probably give her this dream, 
and she'll probably share it on her blog. 
Kendra and Abbie will probably think I'm in love. 

But she's different then what i initially thought. 
She has a lot more for me, and i guess that's why i fought. 
So here's to my sweetheart, even if it last or it doesn't. 
To my Arielle, You are so beautiful! Thanks for giving me a lot of things that i haven't. 


Okay, in reading this again, I could honestly cry, and I realized how emotionally retarded I am. Seriously, why can't I just say what I feel? I think it's a defect in myself. Oh well, I guess it'll just have to come out in different ways. I guess I never paid attention to showing it, because I've always known how I've felt (obviously) but I never thought that he didn't know. It's so dumb that I just can't say it straight up and out loud.


Like we were talking the other night, and he asked me what I looked for in a guy. Not a big deal at all. But I froze. It's like I know exactly what I want, but actually voicing it to someone, especially someone that I care about a lot, it's just hard. I shut down. Completely. Well it gets better, the next question was What do you see in me? Umm...can I chew this one over with a Twix please? I know this sounds incredibly dumb and stupid, but how do I put it into words and say it out loud how I feel? I've never been that person that can just come up with stuff like poems and sweet nothings to say. I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. Hmm...one day I'll figure this out.


But in the meantime...here's to you :]


I love the way you make me laugh...all the time about anything. I love that you care so much about me and you always want to know how I'm doing. I love that I can be myself around you and say whatever comes to mind (which happens quite frequently and not always in the most tactful way) and know that you won't judge me for it. I love the way you hold my hand. It's so secure and safe (if that's the proper word for it). I love the way you talk about your family, especially your brother. I know that it can't be easy for you to talk about someone that was close to you like that, but I'm glad that you do. I love the questions that you ask me (mostly because I suck at asking questions and I'm better at answering...most of them). I absolutely love that you take your priesthood and callings so seriously. I always swore up and down I'd never marry someone like my dad, but you have so many of the things that I absolutely love about him, like the way you honor your priesthood. With my dad, I know I never have to worry about whether or not he can give me a blessing because I know he always makes sure every single day that he is worthy, and I love that I feel that way about you too. I love feeling safe around you, because I know that you would never let anything happen to me or hurt me. I love that you are always making sure we're doing what is right and that we're not getting ourselves into situations that would get us into trouble. I love that look in your eyes that you get when you first see me in the morning. I love the way that you always let me know how grateful you are for me or how much I mean to you.


So this is to tell you what you mean to me. I'm so grateful for you. I know how far we've come and I honestly hope we get to go farther. I look back on it all, and I wouldn't change it for the world. All of that, that got me here. That experience helped me grow and learn. I think it did that for you too. I am so grateful that you decided to fight just when I had almost given up. I will always be grateful for the things that I've learned from you. I've never gone coyote calling...so that was new. As embarrassing as it was, it was so much fun to just be out there with you, getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, and scaring away anything that might possibly be coming in because I was laughing so hard. I've never had so much fun hiding from you, like when we were down in Sierra Vista for Jared's homecoming. It was so exciting to show up at church and surprise you! I will never forget that look on your face. It was a smile that I could never put into words. With you, I feel so happy and so safe. At the risk of sounding totally sappy, I never knew how much I was missing and how much someone else can make you realized what you're missing in yourself. 


I've had the time of my life fighting dragons with you...and I hope we get to fight many many more. 


So now the whole world...well really just Abbie and Kendra (but we'll go with the whole world--it sounds cooler) knows. And I feel like shouting it at the top of my lungs and writing it across every billboard. :]
Loveyou. <3

He's worth keepin around

Okay so I know it's ridiculously lame to blog about my boyfriend, but as of late, he's been pretty funny. And these funnies (okay there's really only one funny) are definitely blog worthy.

1. It's a boy!!!
Yes. You read that right. Dan decided he wanted to make a fleece blanket--probably because I talk about how much I love mine and how warm it is. Anyway, so we went to WalMart and he told me to pick out a side and he'd pick out the other side. Alright...well I guess this blanket could mismatch horribly, but since it's not mine it really doesn't matter does it? So we perusing the aisles of fleece and there was this Winnie the pooh print and it looked like baby fabric! So I pointed that out, and never again will I ever say what comes to my head without thinking about it first...because it set up the entire evening.

I said: It looks like baby fabric! No big deal right? Wrong. Dan gave me the weirdest look like OH MY GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT. So I just laughed and kept walking, obviously hiding the embarrassment. So we finally picked out the sides: I picked the little mermaid and he picked cars. It's a very mature college blanket. Then out of no where, Dan says: You know what we can call this?! The BABY MAKER!! Now for those of you who haven't seen the proposal, the blanket that's on the bed is called the baby maker.

We are getting the fabric cut and Dan so kindly tells the WalMart employee (her name is Erin) that it's going to be our baby's blanket. The conversation goes as follows.

Erin: Oh are you expecting?! (With a cute grin on her face)
Me: (Complete and utter shock with a look that could've stopped Dan dead in his tracks) No. No I'm not.
Erin: Are you two engaged?
Me: Nope, just dating.

So as we were leaving, Dan offers to carry the fabric and I quickly informed him that the blanket was for MY baby so I could carry it. When I came home and told Abbie about it, she was telling me about a blog we both read and how the lady is pregnant and according to a Chinese calendar, she's having a boy! So Abbie and I looked it up, and according to the Chinese calendar, Dan and I would have to be having a boy. See for yourself! Click yourself :]

2. I'm thankful for...
I'm just gonna paste this text word for word. Not gonna lie, I almost cried. Almost...
Things I'm thankful for: Someone who allows me to be myself, someone who makes time just for me and spends that time making me feel like the biggest man on campus (small joke lol), someone who makes me want to be smarter every time I open a book, someone who allows me to be faithful to my priesthood, someone who takes my breath away every moment I'm with her, someone who I believe to be the prettiest girl alive. What am I grateful for? I'm grateful for you!

How do you even respond to that?! All I know is I'm one lucky girl...

I guess to finish this off, after this weekend, he's worth keeping around. Everyone's been asking me about him, and honestly I've never felt so shy in my whole life. I just want to hide behind my mom! It's really weird. I talk about just about everything else in my life, but get that personal and apparently I shut down and close off. Didn't know that about myself until a couple of days ago. Back to Dan, he is such a great guy, and I would be so happy with him...so so happy. So we'll just have to see. He makes me so happy. I guess you never realize how much you're lacking sometimes. Weird.



Going on the quote board as soon as I get home!!
"Probably not cause he's so buff and I'm so boobish."

Can I...uhhhh....get a jump?

So NEVER HAVE I EVER...and I mean EVER...

...been caught making out! Seriously I don't know if I'm just super careful or what but that one happened last night. AWKWARD!! So I was over at Dan's studying...yes I was actually studying...for anatomy. Well it got to be around 11 and I was exhausted and not getting anything out of reading my notes. Sad day. So I decided that it was high time I headed home. I walked out to my car and turned it on--it's FREEZING outside that late! You've gotta get the heater fired up so you don't freeze on the drive home! Well Dan runs and jumps into my car on the passenger side and climbs right in, shuts the door, and then just smiles at me. 

So we talked a little, laughed...because lets face it, everything is funny at 1130 at night. Listening to T Swift.

30 minutes later.... 

*knock on my driver side window* 

A: [awkward, startling moment] *roll down window* 

T: Can I uhhh get a jump? 

A: [what the HECK?!] Umm yeah, I don't have jumper cables

T: I do *walks away*

A&D: [COMPULSIVE LAUGHTER]

note: the kind of laughter when you realize this has just become a killer embarrassing moment, and I don't have very many of those, so this was big.

So I'm sitting in my car, still listening to T. Swift, and honestly shocked at the previous 2 minutes of my life. Hahaha. What makes it even better is that I'm pressing my face into the steering wheel because it's cold and facial hair hurts. 'Nuff said. So Dan tells me later that Taylor made a comment while getting the cables all hooked up, all the while with a HUGE grin on his face: Sorry for interrupting. 

AHHHHHH. I could die of embarrassment right then and there. Kill me now please so I don't ever have to see him again! Oh okay, enough with the dramatics. But really, I could've died I was so embarrassed. And all I could do was laugh. Oh and to make this story even better, EVERYONE KNOWS!! Naturally, Abbie knew right after it happened, because like a good roommate, I came home and woke her up and told her immediately. All of Dan's roommates know, and Olivia's whole apartment knows. Not that it's a crime or anything to kiss your boyfriend, but I seriously considered becoming Anne Frank for a week or so to let this one blow over. 

One last thing, totally unrelated topic. At church on Sunday, Debbie--yuck nasty--was point at me and laughing. I really came dang close to walking over and asking what in the heck her problem was. It was slightly ridiculous and quite comical because Abbie and I were just laughing that they were being so obvious, because she'd point over at me and then her friend would look over and they talk a little more and do it again. Oh man. Girls girls girls! Learn the art of keeping secrets and being quiet about them. It was so funny though because it dragged on for a good 5 minutes. So I guess in all reality I should be thanking her for providing me with some entertainment prior to taking the sacrament. 

Side note: the only reason this is so funny is because Debbie texted Dan the other day and said something along the lines of "why does everyone keep asking if we're dating?" VOMIT. I for one am insulted by this, and yes I realize I'm being rude and shallow, but if you knew Debbie, you would understand completely what I'm feeling. 

Funniest moment at probably 2 in the morning, and only Abbie can appreciate it:

"He probably thinks I'm after them!"

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

Yes Taylor Swift was the inspiration for this title. And yes 1003 in the AM on Monday November 15. And yes, this post probably won't find blogger for another week or so. Oh and yes I am using the toaster to provide a source of heat for my frigid apartment...we've really gotta find a space heater. 

So last night after the fireside, my roommates and I came home with an ABUNDANCE of energy. Anyone that's spent any amount of time with us knows that this is not necessarily the best thing to have on a Sunday evening. After hopping around our apartment (Abbie), it was settled that we were going to wrap Raegan up like a baby and deliver her to someone's house. While Abbie went out to the car to get some rope, we all hid and LOCKED HER OUT! Haha sneaky sneaky.

Right after we found Raegan under Brinlee's bed with the dust bunnies, Kelton walked in and willingly volunteered to let us wrap him up, tie him up, and deliver him to someone's house. Poor soul, he's such a good sport and trusts us entirely too much. Well, we started out just putting him outside the apartment across the way. Then we got the notion to go downstairs. Yes, Kelton hopped down the stairs while tied up into a blanket like a body back. It was a scary sight to say the least.

Long story short, we ended up doing this same thing to 7 apartments. Don't worry, we got a rolly chair so Kelton didn't have to hop everywhere. It was so funny because people kept shutting the door in his face and then he'd scoot up to the door and kick it with his foot to get them to open the door. We had a note attached to him and it said "Found Baby. Needs Home. Thanks :D" Bahaha we're so funny. But the best reaction by far was down at the firehouse and Myreel started to untie him and we all ran out to stop her. Oh man haha it was hilarious the look on her face, it was that sort of shell-shocked and seriously freaked out look all at once. 

Then we came back and decided to make masks and be ninjas! Wa-cha!! At this point, Dan decided he was a little pooped out--but hey I would be too if I didn't go to bed till 4 in the morning....oh wait I did. But no worries, I was home with Abbie and Raegan and Rustin and Kendall. THAT is a whole other story in itself. So we ran--yes ran--to his car (it was just at the institute), and when I got home, you're never going to believe what happened to me! I got LOCKED OUT!!! I was gone for a whole 3 minutes and they locked me out. So I spent the rest of my evening with Tiffany and Jacquelyn, waiting for my roommates to return from pillaging Howards. 

Great night. Awesome night. One for the books. Now it's time to make today a FANFREAKINTASTIC day. I can't wait. :]

I got this quote in institute this morning...and I really like it.

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. All that we suffer...especially when we endure it patiently builds up our characters, purifies...[and] expands our souls." --President Kimball

Four letter words

From SUNDAY night:

Honestly not quite sure how I feel about this. So abbie and I had a good conversation the other night--mind you all our good conversations tend to happen in the wee hours of the morning, typically four or five in the AM. This conversation was no exception.

So there's a couple down here that just got engaged like a week ago and they haven't been dating that much longer than Dan and I, and honestly it freaked me the heck out. I mean it's not a big deal at all, but seriously holy crap! It's MARRIAGE! That's forever, and forever is a freakin long time. I don't want to rush into it or be rushed and I want to be absolutely certain that it's the right thing to do. 

The conversation ended up with me deciding that I don't have to know right now if this is the forever I'm looking for. That maybe this is just right for right now, that I'm where I'm supposed to be and I'm who I'm supposed to be with for right now, because I'm supposed to learn something from this experience, something that will help me grow and learn for the future. 

Some food for thought. Okay really just my thoughts. Goodnight. 

THE BEST THING EVER

From TUESDAY November 9th:

So last night...and THIS TIME it really was just last night, I was over at Dan's and I had the utmost intentions for starting my pharmacology homework. Well as anyone who has ever taken pharmacology from Mary Peters, it's a skanky little assignment which proves only to vex me to no end and to further my knowledge such an insignificant amount that's it's not even worth the effort it takes to complete the assignment for 25 measly points!!! So as you can probably guess, I didn't get much homework done.

Instead, we watched Gifted Hands. Super good movie. But before we watched it, Dan made a tuna fish sandwich and some hot chocolate. While he was making it, I made the comment that grilled tuna fish sandwiches are the best thing ever (hence, the inspiration for this post title). Seriously, one thing I miss the most at home is making grilled tuna fish sandwiches with the grated cheese, and you cook it just long enough that the tuna fish is hot and the cheese is all melted and deliciousness. 

Well, after making the comment about how it's the best thing ever, we just kept going back and forth about things that we love and are pretty much amazing. Hot chocolate, tuna fish sandwiches, hot apple crisp pie with a scoop of ice cream, cute little notes left and found randomly, laughing pictures--I don't know why, but I absolutely love pictures of people laughing. It's amazing. It's like capturing true happiness in a moment and holding onto it forever. 

Anyway, so the conversation continues and then we end up at a comment that Dan made: Farting after a date. Yeah, those words came out of his mouth. Seriously though, everyone has had it at one point or another, date stomach. It sucks a big one and it's the most uncomfortable/awkward pain ever. And you know that you can't just let the fart out! That's just embarrassing, so you hold it...and hold it...and hold it, which I'm sure in the long road is doing some sort of internal damage to your colon...that or seriously providing a work out for your anal sphincter. (Okay I'm an anatomy freak, I'll admit it).

Long story short, everyone agreed that farting after a date is seriously the best thing ever. Disgusting, but unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) the truth. 

Just love her.

So last night, Dan took me to the Nashville Tribute to the Prophet concert. Yeah, that band that has the AMAZING cd about Joseph Smith and the pioneers...them. Hands down, amazing, and if I wasn't with Dan, I'm sure I would've been balling my eyes out during a couple of the songs. Of course, the song about Emma, then the one about sleeping under a wagon on the frozen ground on the plains, and then the one about a mother praying for her missionary son. Granted, all of these were song by Catherine Nelson (I think that's her name) and she's got a voice to die for, but they were amazing.

So before she sang Emma, Catherine was telling us about when she got the role to play Emma in the movies made by the Church, that the one of the very few things the director told her was just to love her. After she said that, I have seen Emma in a little bit different of a light. Honestly, who I am to judge her? Can anyone honestly blame her for not wanting to go any further? She lost everything, and paid the highest price for everything and everyone she loved. I have nothing but the highest respect and admiration for her, and I think it's all I can do is just to love her, instead of judge her.

The missionary son song...tear jerker, and it made me realize how that will be my mom in 10 years or so with my little brother. It made me realize how close that is, and how much I'm going to miss him. Granted, I'll be much further along in my life that I am right now, but I don't want to waste any of the time that I have with him, especially while he's still so young and growing up. I want to always be a part of his life, and I want to be one of his best friends. There's nothing I wouldn't give to spend every single day with him and just laugh and play all day long. I want to remember these days, well I guess the days that I'm home, as the times that I spent with him and my sisters, making memories that I'll always cherish.

The song talks about a mother's prayer to protect her son, to keep him safe, and to allow him to grow. It's on the new CD that the Nashville tribute people are coming out with, which I would HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend! I'm totally getting it when it comes out. Just saying.

Then the other song about the pioneers...I think I'm dying, but I'm not crying. So amazing. I could feel that warmth inside my chest, an impressing admiration and love for their strength and sacrifice. I couldn't have done that...honestly could not have done it. But they could, and they did. That was their refiners fire, their trial, and I'm so grateful that they took it head on and persevered. As I told me mom, I would have sat in the snow and died. I wouldn't have gone. I'm glad they could though. I wouldn't be here if they didn't.

So anyway, the whole time I'm listening to the concert, out of nowhere I get this feeling, and it was slightly unnerving. I realized I'm starting to fall for him, opening myself to the possibility. I've never been so afraid in my entire life. But it's a good afraid, one that makes you want to keep going though. Definitely not one that's going to make me run the other direction.

Now don't take this the wrong way. I'm a long, LONG, LONG ways off from four letter words, but I realized the possibility this last week. I love being around him and hanging out with him. My friend Liz pointed out something that I didn't realize at all. She said when she saw me at the concert that I looked different. Well, I haven't changed haha. But then she said, You look happy. And I am happy. I can honestly say that I am. It's unnerving  because I've been happy just  being on my own and being with my friends, but maybe this is a different kind of happy. A kind of happy that makes you realize you belong and you're amazing just the way you are (bruno mars was a genius for thinking up that one). 

"Never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, steal away my sorrows. If you must lie, lie with me all the days of my life. And if you must cheat, cheat death, because I could not live a day without you."