Just love her.

So last night, Dan took me to the Nashville Tribute to the Prophet concert. Yeah, that band that has the AMAZING cd about Joseph Smith and the pioneers...them. Hands down, amazing, and if I wasn't with Dan, I'm sure I would've been balling my eyes out during a couple of the songs. Of course, the song about Emma, then the one about sleeping under a wagon on the frozen ground on the plains, and then the one about a mother praying for her missionary son. Granted, all of these were song by Catherine Nelson (I think that's her name) and she's got a voice to die for, but they were amazing.

So before she sang Emma, Catherine was telling us about when she got the role to play Emma in the movies made by the Church, that the one of the very few things the director told her was just to love her. After she said that, I have seen Emma in a little bit different of a light. Honestly, who I am to judge her? Can anyone honestly blame her for not wanting to go any further? She lost everything, and paid the highest price for everything and everyone she loved. I have nothing but the highest respect and admiration for her, and I think it's all I can do is just to love her, instead of judge her.

The missionary son song...tear jerker, and it made me realize how that will be my mom in 10 years or so with my little brother. It made me realize how close that is, and how much I'm going to miss him. Granted, I'll be much further along in my life that I am right now, but I don't want to waste any of the time that I have with him, especially while he's still so young and growing up. I want to always be a part of his life, and I want to be one of his best friends. There's nothing I wouldn't give to spend every single day with him and just laugh and play all day long. I want to remember these days, well I guess the days that I'm home, as the times that I spent with him and my sisters, making memories that I'll always cherish.

The song talks about a mother's prayer to protect her son, to keep him safe, and to allow him to grow. It's on the new CD that the Nashville tribute people are coming out with, which I would HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend! I'm totally getting it when it comes out. Just saying.

Then the other song about the pioneers...I think I'm dying, but I'm not crying. So amazing. I could feel that warmth inside my chest, an impressing admiration and love for their strength and sacrifice. I couldn't have done that...honestly could not have done it. But they could, and they did. That was their refiners fire, their trial, and I'm so grateful that they took it head on and persevered. As I told me mom, I would have sat in the snow and died. I wouldn't have gone. I'm glad they could though. I wouldn't be here if they didn't.

So anyway, the whole time I'm listening to the concert, out of nowhere I get this feeling, and it was slightly unnerving. I realized I'm starting to fall for him, opening myself to the possibility. I've never been so afraid in my entire life. But it's a good afraid, one that makes you want to keep going though. Definitely not one that's going to make me run the other direction.

Now don't take this the wrong way. I'm a long, LONG, LONG ways off from four letter words, but I realized the possibility this last week. I love being around him and hanging out with him. My friend Liz pointed out something that I didn't realize at all. She said when she saw me at the concert that I looked different. Well, I haven't changed haha. But then she said, You look happy. And I am happy. I can honestly say that I am. It's unnerving  because I've been happy just  being on my own and being with my friends, but maybe this is a different kind of happy. A kind of happy that makes you realize you belong and you're amazing just the way you are (bruno mars was a genius for thinking up that one). 

"Never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, steal away my sorrows. If you must lie, lie with me all the days of my life. And if you must cheat, cheat death, because I could not live a day without you."