alksdjf;alksdj

Blah...I'm feeling not so bueno and I don't really want to do too much of anything. Okay I don't want to do anything. Period. I'm sick and tired of doing all the things that I have to do-like write a patho paper, do my homework, study for tests, pack up my apartment. I really just want these next 2 weeks to be over because then I am done and headed out to Texas! I don't know why I feel like everything is going to get so much easier, but I just feel like once this is over, I don't know...maybe I won't be such a crazy person anymore. I just don't want to do anything! It's horrible.

And to top it all off, it is so hard. Especially to try and be happy and be good. All the freaking time. It's so bloody hard and I just wish sometimes it would let up. We fight about the stupidest things and it's not even worth it. I'm sick and tired of dealing with school and the stress of a wedding and the stress of life all at the same time. I'm so done being an absolute b on birth control. If I wasn't so terrified of having an accident baby, I would probably quit taking it.

Oh and Dan decided he wants to do something else, not physical therapy, which, don't get me wrong, that's totally fine by me! I want him to do something that he absolutely loves because he's going to be doing it for the next 40 years or so. I hate that I have to be the biggest fan all the time though and the cheerleader to rally him and keep going. That sounds bad too. I just mean that I wish I wasn't the only one who would support him in his decisions. I hate being the only one. I hate having to be the rock that stays strong when I feel like I'm about ready to fall apart all the time.

That's another thing, I hate feeling like I'm not in control of my life. I seriously feel sometimes like I can't keep myself together or keep myself from falling apart. I saw this great quote over spring break and it said something to the effect of happiness being a choice. I'm trying really hard to live that, and some days it works, other days, not so much. Today is one of those not so much days. It's been a roller coaster. I started out in a grumpy mood, was in a happy mood at institute, then just ticked at devotional, finally pulling it together at the end and now I just don't know what I am. I'm a freaking one woman circus. I'm all over the place.

Let's add just one more thing. As of late, peach has not been too bad. We're pleasantly cordial, and that's more than I can ask. Today though, I'm just so sick of seeing peach all the time. It just makes me sick. I can't wait to get out of this town and delete them on facebook. (I know that sounds super petty, but really...that's what I feel like).

I know I'll miss it and all the great memories and friends I've made here, but right now, I just can't wait to get out. I can't wait to go through the temple and for everything to finally be real. To not have to worry about making it to the temple, but instead to worry about other things...things that we're completely in together. I swear these next couple weeks are going to DRAG ON FOREVER. Maybe I'll grow up, and pull my chin up and enjoy them. After all, this is the last time for a long time that we're probably going to be together. I shouldn't waste it.