The Perfect Marriage

I've been wanting to write about this since yesterday but I didn't quite know how to say it. I still don't, but I can't get it out of my head and it really really needs to leave so I can focus on other things in my life.

The perfect marriage...what is it? Where does it start?

For me, it started right here...

For me, it started out as a forever kind of love, in the right kind of place, with the perfect man for me right by my side.

It was everything and more that I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. It's everything I had been taught in primary and throughout young women's unfolding right before my eyes.

It has been the greatest struggle of my entire life.
It has been the greatest blessing in my entire life.
It has been the greatest decision for my life.


In my eyes, the perfect marriage is the one you will go to hell and back for, the one you stay up all night fighting and crying for, and the one that at the end of the day, you're so so grateful you get to curl up next to them at night and sleep.

I tell Dan a lot that I'm the lucky one in this marriage, that I scored big and I definitely married up in all respects. I don't know that I tell him enough though. Our marriage is no where near perfect, but I wouldn't trade all the time we've had together and all the fights we've had for the world. Because after those fights, there's a sweet surrender and a realization that as angry and hurt as we might be, there's no where else I'd rather be in the entire world than right there with him, struggling and fighting and loving him, all at the same time. It's a complicated feeling. It's a complicated love.
Love is complicated. Period.

I really don't think they prepare you enough for marriage growing up. I know we all get the devotionals and the young womens/mens lessons about finding the right person and making sure you keep your standards high and date the people with your same values and standards, but I really don't think they teach you what to do after. After you find the right person. After you get married in the temple. After. It almost gets pushed off to the side and it kind of feels like they shove you out the doors and say good luck! Call us if you need anything!

I know this really isn't how it goes, and I'm definitely dramatizing it, but oblige me for a few minutes.

It seems like all around us, people we know, and even friends, are fighting and having trouble in their marriage. Quite honestly, I hate hearing about it. I don't mind being the listening ear that a friend needs, but it sucks to hear about that kind of stuff because then it gets me all worried about them, and to be frank, I don't have enough hours in the day to worry about myself and my marriage, and I definitely do not have the hours to worry about theirs. That sounds harsh, but I'm a straight forward kind of person.  I always have been.

Anyway, I listen and think to myself, there has to be some sort of program or class that you could go to before you get married. Like a marriage prep class. A legit one. I told Dan the other day (and don't get offended if I'm wrong) that if the Church held a class as sort of an "After the I do's" to open people's eyes into what marriage really is, I don't think nearly as many people would get divorced as do now. I mean, so much time and effort is taken to make sure you're prepared to go through the temple, why not a class to help prepare you for what married life is really like?

I love love love being married. It's by far the best decision I've ever made in my life. But it is hard. It is really freaking hard. And if you don't want it, if you don't need that relationship, that companionship in your life, you'll never make it. Forever is a really long time and that decision should not be made lightly. So much time and effort is put into teaching us to find the right person, and I think sometimes we get so caught up in that that we forget to be the right person for someone else. We forget those traits and qualities within ourselves.

I heard this quote somewhere, and I have absolutely loved it: You have to like yourself single if you're ever going to like yourself married.

I loved myself single (that sounds horrible, but roll with me). Ask any of my friends, I was happy and crazy and so completely comfortable with myself and who I am that I really didn't care what anyone else thought of me. I love myself married. I'm not nearly as crazy anymore, at least not in public. I still do some pretty weird things around the house and Dan just looks and me and laughs. I think he know's it's the Raegan and Abbie coming out in me. I still do not care what anyone thinks of me, and I'm happy.

I think the perfect marriage is one that you can be yourself in, the one that accepts you with all your flaws and all the imperfections, and still loves you just the same if not more. It's the one that compliments your strengths and weaknesses. It's the one where love grows deep within your soul each and every day. It's the one that encourages you to keep trying to keep pushing through the failures and the bumps in the road. It's the one that builds you up on the very worst of days. It's the one that does not accept failure as an option. It's the one that is centered and founded upon Christ.

Perfect is complicated. Perfect is negotiable. Perfect is whatever you make it. Perfect is perfect for you.

I love Dan more than words will ever be able to express. I hope my actions reflect even the smallest portion of the love I feel for him. He's my rock and strength, and if I have learned anything in this last year it's that I need him in my life and with him and the Lord on my side, I can conquer any mountain one step at a time. We're no where near perfect, but we're perfect for each other. And I wouldn't trade that love for the world.

Happy One Year Anniversary (one month and one day late :]).

And here's to many many more to come...