Generally speaking...it's hard

Life...Marriage...Exercising...everything.

Wednesday night was a big defining moment in my marriage. I had a hard day at work. I came home, and just absolutely and completely lost it on my husband. One of the salesman was...how do I put this nicely...a huge a-hole. HUGE.

Anyway, he was pissed because the samedays were done and he didn't get the text (come to find out later, pretty much no one gets the texts I sent out). It had happened the day before too unfortunately with the same salesman and he just lost it on me. He was like why didn't you text me?! I didn't get the text!!! Blah blah blah. To keep it simple, I got stomped all over like the disgusting dirt you kick off your shoes at the end of the day. No small exaggeration.

At this point, the culmination of being stomped on all summer by all the salesman at some point just hit the peak. I texted the salesman to make sure he did in fact receive my text. He did. I apologized that he didn't receive it and then informed him to never speak to me like that again. Adrenaline rush. Hands were a little shaky. But seriously, I am a freakin human being and I deserve a little respect and not to be treated like a second rate second class citizen or an inferior human being. Not okay. Not freakin okay.

After I texted that to the salesman, I called Dan to ask if that was overboard. He said yes it was. Now to his defense (because right now he sounds like a jerk...he's definitely not!!) he just didn't want it to cause more problems for me through the rest of the summer. He wanted someone else to handle it, someone higher up and with more authority. I have no faith whatsoever in the system. It fails me on a pretty consistent basis and it's just pointless to even pretend to rely on the system. I end up looking like the whining girl who can't take the heat. And I am most definitely can take the heat.

I let it all out...quite literally. I was crying and screaming and probably swearing some and just exploded every pent of feeling of being the second rate second class citizen and inferior because I'm a girl on my husband. Poor guy, he doesn't get it. I don't think he ever will be able to. It's a girl thing, not something he'd ever experience, but it's okay because he sits and listens to me cry about it. He hates to see me cry. I feel bad because I cry...a lot.

So after this, we had a good talk. A really good talk. Dan mostly talked, and I listened. Hearing it though was so great because I really got to see how wonderful my husband really is, and how dang freakin lucky I am that he's mine forever. He has tried so hard in his life and made so many changes that I didn't even know about (before we even met) to make him the man he is today, the husband he is to me, and the father he will be one day. I love him and it's days like Wednesday that I'm reminded how truly grateful I am that he is in my life and the he chose me.

Marriage is hard. But it's the most worthwhile struggle and journey I've ever undertaken. It's the greatest joy in my life and the source of the most pain at times. I don't think it could be any other way, giving yourself wholeheartedly to another does that. It's complicated and wonderful. And it's worth it.