89.7

What a joke. Seriously. If it's gonna be a "B" then let's not be so cruel. For real. Freaking nursing tests...

Oh well, it's over. Now onto the long haul to finish the rest of the week, TB test tomorrow, CPR class Friday, finals next week. Boom.
Crank this baby out.

My List of 22

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. My family was able to come up and we had Thanksgiving with my great grandma, and my grandparents. We also took family pictures (woot woot!). Needless to say, it was a great weekend, jam packed, but so relaxing and definitely the break I needed to power through the rest of the semester.

Anyway, I've seen everyone's posts on facebook everyday about some things they are grateful for. I had this thought that for Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, all that good stuff that I would take the time to reflect on the things I am truly grateful for. 

THANKSGIVING + GRATITUDE = the BEST holiday in the ENTIRE world

1. My husband: I'll try to keep this one simple, because I could dedicate an entire blog to the little things that he does each and every day to make me fall more and more in love with him. He's my rock, and my best friend, and I don't know what I would ever do without him, and what I ever did do without him. 

2. My family: Enough said. Without them, I would not be here today. I owe everything I am to them and everything they have ever given me. I will spend the rest of my life trying to show them how much I really do appreciate them and everything they have done for me.

3. My in-laws: I could not have asked for better in laws. Seriously, they are amazing. I have the two best sister in laws a girl could ask for, and I wish the three of us could take a little vacation together. We'd have a ball. I have a great brother in law, and the two cutest nephews IN THE ENTIRE world. 

4. My nephews: Well, they really are just the cutest thing in the entire world. Seriously, Kason is this little spit fire that I miss so so much. You never realize how much you love them, until they move some 3000 miles away. Thank goodness for Skype. And Camden, oh man he's just the cutest chubby baby, and has such a personality. Ahh I love them!

5. My education: I am so blessed to be able to pursue a career that I so desperately desire, and a career that would be able to provide for my family should the need arise. 

6. The school I attend: where I can learn the Healer's art and incorporate the gospel freely into my nursing practice. I'm so blessed to have the opportunity to take religion classes from teachers who have dedicated their lives to the study of them. I have learned so much about the scriptures and I come home with all this information and I just can't wait to share it with Dan as soon as I come home!

7. Dan's job: He loves his job, and it more than provides for us. It was the greatest blessing that he even got it in the first place, but the fact that he loves the people he works with and really enjoys being there every day is just an answer to so so many prayers.

8. Financial stability: Seriously, enough said. 

9. The holiday season: I love love love this time of year because I get to remember all the things I'm grateful for and especially remember my Savior. I love temple lights. I love Thanksgiving. I love Christmas music. I love Christmas trees. I love the idea of a "white Christmas." I love ornaments. I love tree lights. I love it all. 

10. The ward we live in: We had a pretty great ward when we lived in Provo, and I was afraid that anything else would pale in comparison. Fortunately, I was wrong. We have a fabulous ward, and a phenomenal bishop (who conveniently lives next door) and everything is just great.

11. The home we live in: We found it on KSL. It was perfect. We have awesome landlords and a cozy little place that we love. Seriously, I love it.

12. My health: I really don’t know what else to say. I am so grateful that I have great health and that I have been able to do everything I have ever wanted, and not be held back by my health.

13. My faith: I don’t know where I would be without it. Really. It is what gets me through the day, especially when the days are really really hard and I feel like I’m losing everything.

14. Our two functioning cars: This one is pretty self explanatory too. I am so grateful that we have cars, especially that work well enough to take us home, and on vacations. It was such a blessing to find the second one. HUGE blessing, and I’m so grateful that we were able to find it, and have the means to purchase it.

15. My friends in the nursing program: I really don’t know what I would without these lovely ladies. Seriously, I’m pretty sure that we keep each other sane, because one of us  has always got it together, and helps the rest of us that are freaking out to get control of it.

16. My two best friends: I am so grateful that I can call each of them at a moment’s notice and they are there. They listen, we gossip, we laugh, and I’m so incredibly grateful for the friendship and sisterhood we share together. I can’t wait for the day when we live in the same state again. It’ll be parties every other weekend!

17. My temple marriage: This means more than I will ever be able to express. I am so grateful that we were both worthy for us to be there. I’m so grateful for the blessing it has been in my life, and for all the blessings that we have been promised for being in the right place at the right time.

18. The scriptures: They provide so much comfort at the most unexpected times, and in the most unexpected places. I take them so much for granted, and I’m working on developing a better relationship with the scriptures.

19. The food on my table: I’m so grateful for the means to take care of our family, and for the food that sits on my table day in and day out. I can remember back when we were very first married (because it was SOOO long ago) and there was a time when it was hard to get food on that table. I look back on that, and I am so grateful for the blessings we have been provided with to make this simple gift possible.

20. Prayer: Provides so much peace, in this crazy crazy world. It allows me to communicate with my Heavenly Father, and express myself to the person who completely, and fully understands.

21. The Prophet: He gives so much direction and provides guidance in this crazy messed up world we live in, and he still offers so much wisdom. I’m so grateful that he is still so positive and happy. It helps me to remember to be happy.

22. My Savior: He is my rock, and my salvation. And I will never complete anything in this life worthwhile without His help, love, and guidance.

There's the grateful list that I've been wanting to write for quite some time now. 

The mystery of the dissolving chicken bones

So...funny story. Lately, we have been buying the chicken thighs from Costco instead of chicken breasts (1/2 the price for the same amount of meat!). Anyway, of course they have the bones in the things. No big deal, you just cut them out. Well, I made a crock pot meal yesterday for dinner and just threw in the chicken without cutting out the bones because I was
#1. too lazy to do it right then, and
#2. I figured it would be way easier to cut off the bone when the meat had been slow cooked.
Well, I started to shred the chicken and could find no bones to speak of. Literally strained the entire crock pot full of juices hunting for the bones. After we finished eating, we had only come up with a few small fragments of cartilage. So naturally I came to the conclusion that the bones must have dissolved in the crock pot because I definitely had NOT cut them out of the meat and I could not find anything that even remotely resembled a bone in the crock pot. Today, I was making dinner (chicken again--we eat a lot of that stuff around here) and I pull out the chicken to cut out the bone...only get this: they are BONELESS thighs. So folks, bones definitely DO NOT dissolve in crock pots. The mystery has been solved

Back in the saddle again

I feel like this will be a recurring cycle in my life. I hope that at least this time I will be able to maintain some sort of control over this cycle and stay in it for quite a bit longer (ideally the rest of my life). I went to the gym today. GASP. Anddddd ran 1.6 miles. Woot woot!

So before you get all "what's the big deal," here's the big deal:
1. I haven't seen the inside of the gym in months (literally)
2. I have way more stress and anxiety in my life than I can handle
    -PROOF: I started balling in my wound care pass off this morning. Can we talk about embarrassing?
3. I just want to feel good, and feel some sort of confidence again.
4. One of my best friends is getting married on Friday, which means lots of pictures. And I know that one week of exercising really won't make that much of a difference, but at least I will FEEL good about myself. And that kind of confidence totally carries over into pictures.

So I'm back in the saddle again. 1.6 miles down. Pretty freaking rough, but better late than never. And why put off till tomorrow what you can do today?

Any pump up running song suggestions would be much appreciated. I still want to run a 5 k on Thanksgiving...even if it takes me an entire hour!

Abide with me

In lew of the recent election results, it would not be too far fetched to say I haven't been in the best of moods. Okay, I'll be honest, I voted for Romney...but in the back of my head I always kind of felt like it wouldn't work out. It would be too good to be true. After all, these are the days that try men's souls, and when men's heart's shall fail them.

Aside from all that, it's been a pretty hectic week or two with school, just generally feeling behind and not on top of things. So that's adding quite a bit more stress and anxiety. Now I should probably start considering that the next 4 years will be less than ideal. But I have faith. I have faith that the Lord will provide a way, that this is what is supposed to happen, and that for whatever reason, this is to be the enduring trial of faith. I didn't pick him, I didn't elect him president, but somewhere, someone else did because they believe in him. This is the reality, that we're in for another four years.

I saw this on a friend's post (I think it came from the Church's official press release about the results of the election) that we need to now pray for our president, that he will make decisions in the BEST interests of our country, pray that he receives guidance and direction, pray that the legislature will be able to make decisions for our country and come to agreements. Pray, and have faith.

Things will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end.

One of the lines from a Church hymn that I absolutely love, Abide with Me, came to mind on Tuesday, long  before the results were in, and it has since given me great comfort.

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord...abide with me.

And to be honest, I'm not worried (this could be a moment of strength that will pass, but I surely hope not). It doesn't look like a bright and ideal future, but that's what I've been given, and I for one am going to do my very best to make that future "as bright as my faith." (Thomas S. Monson)

Date Night

Dollar movie theater + Dark Knight Rises + the best husband in the ENTIRE world = one fantastic date night.

Let's just say today has been pretty successful.
I'll break it down for you
1. Got an A on my nursing test (woot woot!!)
2. Hair cut (3.5 much needed inches off the bottom)
3. Sanded the benches
4. Stained the benches (and now my entire house smells like it...I forgot to close the door. Woops)
5. Went to see Dark Knight Rises with my mister.
   -This last point was definitely the highlight of the night. No small joke. We've been meaning to see this since the summer when it came out, but we were in Aurora where the shooting was, and not that I'm superstitious, but I really didn't feel like seeing Dark Knight in Colorado. Didn't really feel right. Anyway, it was definitely worth the wait, and I already want to see it again. It will probably be a stocking stuffer for Dan, which I informed him would really just be a gift to myself.

Basically, I love Batman, and the Dark Knight Rises was so freaking epic. I can't even put it into words. Go see it.

He really is the BEST!!

Indulge me for a minute or two to brag about my most excellent husband.

So last night, I went to sleep around 11 (I had clinical at 545 the next morning in Salt Lake, so I had to get up early) and apparently I woke up around 12 last night, got right out of bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and started to get ready for clinical. Dan was just staring at me and then had to tell me that it was only 12, and to go back to sleep. I obliged, and climbed back in bed.

Well 230 rolled around, I woke up again, this time with some seriously intense stomach pain. I'll spare you the details, but it wasn't pretty. I pretty much just curled myself up in the fetal position and was trying to breathe through the nausea. My sweet husband rubbed my back and ran his fingers through my hair for what seemed like hours until I fell asleep. My alarm went off at 430, still felt like crap, long story short didn't go to clinical.

Come to find out when I woke up for real at 10 am this morning that he had stayed up till 5 this morning, making sure I was okay and that I didn't need anything. This guy had work at 11 this morning, and pretty much only got 5 hours of sleep, because he was taking care of me. Even when I was asleep.

I just love the crap out of him. I have always said he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and it's these super selfless moments, when I would have never known if he'd fallen asleep or not, that I realize just how blessed I am, and as sappy as it sounds, I fall more in love with him. He's definitely my other half, and I'll spend the rest of my life just trying to keep up with him.

So tomorrow...

I get to go stuff my face with steak and other yummy goodness! And all in the name of a FANTASTIC cause. Which makes it that much more better. Yes...more better.

So this aforementioned cause...well I don't know how many of you heard about the border patrol agent that was killed a few weeks back (Nicholas Ivie), well Dan's dad was actually in the bishopric with him. So that one hit a little close to home. Anyway, this is a benefit night for him. There's quite a few restaurants here in Utah County that are "hosting" I guess you would say, or sponsoring this event. Here's the link to the facebook page: Nicholas Ivie Memorial Benefit-Utah. 

If you need an excuse to go out tomorrow night, this is the perfect one! Mention at any of the restaurants listed on the facebook page that you're there for the benefit and they'll donate a portion of your bill to the Ivie family.

So Utah friends, go out to eat tomorrow!! Help this family...and enjoy some great food!

Don't cry because it's over

SMILE because it happened.

This post is going to be more self reflective. Just a heads up.

I realized today that I don't really have a handle on death. The entire concept, the whole idea...it just doesn't sit well with me. I'm not comfortable with it, and I don't like it. Going into nursing, I figured I should get a grip on it real quick.

Let me preface this for a second, just so no one thinks I'm a serious wacko for posting this.
First point: We had to read a book at the beginning of the semester called Life with Big Al. It is about a gentleman who gets early onset Alzheimer's disease and it's basically a journal that his wife (who is his caregiver) keeps through the entire journey until his "graduation day." Reading that book was a challenge on one hand because my grandpa passed away from Alzheimer's a few years ago. So the subject matter struck a chord with me. On the other hand, I couldn't imagine losing my husband...ever. The thought of it makes me burst into tears actually and it fills me with the greatest fear. 

Second point: I'm studying nursing. I'm currently in the gerontology section of the program and I do my clinical in a nursing care facility. I love it. I honestly dread going and never look forward to it, but the second I'm there and see my patients, I'm completely filled will so much love and happiness for all these people that I work with. However, it's also caused me to develop this petrifying fear of aging. But that's another story for another day. 

Third point: I've never had someone close to me pass away besides one set of grandparents. And when both of those happened, it was always a good thing. That sounds morbid, but my grandpa had Alzheimer's...he wasn't there anymore for me. I think I started grieving long before he actually passed away so when it finally happened, it was almost relieving in the sense that when I saw him again, he would know me. He would be the grandpa I remember that knew my face, sang me songs, and always sent me home with a small sandwich bag full of nuts. My grandma's was also good because she was finally with my grandpa again. Who wouldn't be happy about that one?

So back to the whole reason this ever came up--today in my gerontology class we talked about dementia, and Judy Seegmiller (the wife of the gentleman mentioned above with early onset Alzheimer's) came into our class today to talk to us about her experience. It was so beautiful and you can tell she absolutely understands her calling in life. She understands that it was her mission to take care of her husband, and later her son, and all that she has to give to the world. She's amazing. I wish everyone could meet her. Hearing her story though, couldn't help but make me think and wonder. I realized that I really am not comfortable with death and the idea of it. If it comes up, I honestly get so uncomfortable and shy away from it. I feel like being LDS we should have this complacency with death--that it's not over and it's okay. But it still hurts. It doesn't take away the grief you feel knowing that one day you'll see them again. It only gets easier to deal with. 

I called Dan on the way home from class and was just balling. I'm sure he probably thought I'd gone a little off my rocker at the moment, but he's so sweet. He just listens and always reminds me that everything will be alright in the end, and that if it's not alright, it's not the end (among other things). 

I'm not really sure where else I wanted to go with this one. Like I said...it was more of a ramblings to clear my head. I doubt if this one even makes it to being legitimately posted for the blogger world.

I guess if anything that's coming out of this one is that I need to rely on my Heavenly Father for everything, but especially the things I don't understand or can't quite wrap my head around. I'm realizing to take the little things and remember them. Take all those precious moments I have with the people I love and cherish them forever. The thought makes me so so so grateful for the time I do have with Dan, the time I have had, and the time we will have together. I'm so grateful for my eternal marriage, to know that death is not the end (no matter how much I don't like the idea) and that it gives us just one more thing to look forward to. 

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. 

Why Sunday's are my favorite...and then some

(Preface...I wrote this ohhh 2 weeks-ish ago, and said nursing test that will be discussed later, well I have another one coming up. Oh the irony. This one I predict will go much better).

Not only do I get to spend the ENTIRE day with my wonderful wonderful husband, but it’s also the day that I get to be at Church, and feel the love of my Heavenly Father as I learn and grow more and more in the gospel. I know I can (and should) be doing this every day, but Sunday is just that day that’s set aside specifically for this one purpose. And that’s just one of the many reasons I love love Sundays.

But in order to understand this love a little bit better, we need to rewind to Saturday.

Saturday was the last day to take my nursing test. Yes I am a procrastinator. Always have been, and I’m pretty sure I always will, though I do have the resolve just about every week that I will do better (and for the most part this semester that’s worked out pretty well…except for this test). So I took Dan to work Saturday morning, and came home to study. I studied studied studied my little brain out, and I felt like I was doing okay. Then I realized that the study guide that had been handed out only had half the material on it. First “crap.”

I found the rest of the study guide online, downloaded it, and then proceeded to finish studying. I go to pick Dan up from work at 1 and had a little inkling to check the testing center line conditions (I had heard that on Thursday the lines were out the door and the wait was an hour to get in). Since the testing center closes at 4 on Saturdays, that means the last test is handed out at 3. So I wanted to be there around 2 just to be on the safe side. I checked the line conditions on my phone, and low and behold, it was packed! Second “crap.”

I panicked. Completely and utterly panicked. I hadn’t finished looking through all the material and hadn’t even really hit the important stuff. I rushed home with Dan in tow, burst through the front door, gathered up all the pages I’d been studying, printed off the study guide I’d been working on, and ran back out the door. I was in tears. It was a little ridiculous, but I honestly and truly felt like I was about to legitimately fail a test for the first time in my life. I had made a goal to get all A’s on my tests this semester, and so far I’d done just that: New Testament, Statistics, and this Nursing test was going to ruin it all. (This part was like the overwhelming “crap” going on in my head. Don’t judge, I have high standards for myself.)

We booked it to school, Dan dropped me off, and I was still in tears because I knew there was no way this one was happening. I didn’t deserve it on any account to do well on this test, and I sure as heck did not deserve to even ASK for the help I DEFINITELY DID NOT deserve. I get to the testing center, and just catch out of the corner of my eye a glimpse of the line: it was out the door. Third “crap.” (Though this one might have gone through my head more colorfully).

This time I kept the tears in, after all I didn’t want to fail a test and be completely embarrassed on campus all in the same day. A girl’s gotta keep a little dignity with her. So I’m standing in line, which surprisingly moved fairly quickly, and looking through all the powerpoint slides, frantically trying to remember all the things I’ve learned the last few weeks. I offered up a silent, pleading prayer, fully acknowledging that I had not prepared enough and that I knew I didn’t deserve any help on this one, but asking just the same. I had done all the reading (really, ALL the readings), all the homework, paid attention in class, and I just prayed that that would be enough, to just help me remember THAT stuff. I had another thought, to read my scriptures.

I came across this little gem: 2 Nephi 11:7

“For if there be no Christ, there be no God; and if there be no God we are not, for there could have been no creation. But there is a God, and he is Christ, and he cometh in the fulness of his own time.”

I’m a firm believer that He hears me, that He knows exactly who I am, and that He completely understands why I do the things I do. I’m also a firm believer that He knows exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. I’ve read this scripture before, and it hit me then much like it did on Saturday. Only this time, when I read that, it was almost like I felt Him tell me It’s okay, I can make up the difference, I know you’re not perfect, and you were never meant to be in this life. All I ask is that you try and consecrate your life to me. (In a lot more simpler feelings that words cannot quite express).

The test went great, in fact better than I could have hoped. I knew everything on the test except maybe 5 questions, and of those 5 I still felt moderately comfortable with the information. I turned it in, called Dan, and then decided to check my score. I was secretly in my heart of hearts hoping for an A (even if it was a 90, it’s still an A), all the while knowing that if I had gotten a B I would have been overjoyed! It loaded, and I almost broke down in tears right there. I had only missed 3 questions, and gotten a 93.6%.

You know those moments when you don’t even know where to begin to express how grateful you are for all the blessings in your life (especially the ones you see immediately) and “thank you” just never seems adequate, but it’s the only thing you can say?

This was one of those.

I jumped (practically) into Dan’s arms when I saw him, and I think he was honestly more excited than I was about this. Before I walked in to take the test, he had text me this: I CAN DO THIS! I AM SMART! I HAVE FAITH! I AM HAPPY! (these were each repeated 3x). I breathed a sigh of relief and it was all I could do to keep from crying (it was an emotional day) and smiling and laughing all at the same time. And then I told Dan crap! Now this means I have to keep the A’s on tests up! Haha go figure I was looking to let myself out of that goal!

Then Sunday came, remember it’s my favorite day of the week, and Dan was teaching Sunday School and had us look up this scripture: 3 Nephi 1:12-14

“And it came to pass that he cried mightily unto the Lord all that day; and behold, the voice of the Lord came unto him saying:

Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfill all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets.

Behold I come unto my own, to fulfill all things which I have made known unto the children of me from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son—of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given.”

So it’s talking about the sign of Christ’s birth that would be seen in the America’s, but the bolded part was really the message he was looking to grasp from this. I think the background information is important though. Anyway, it was just another one of those that I felt was directed to me personally (though I’m sure many people felt that way too).

Dan had these words written on the chalkboard: OPPOSITIONàPOSITIONàPOSITIVE

It looked something like this after he was done explaining everything:

OPPOSITIONàPOSITIONàPOSITIVE

The underlying message was that we should be positive when we face our trials and to never back down.

Take home message: be positive through your opposition. You don't have to like it, but be happy through it. If there's anything I have learned throughout my life (geez it sounds like I've lived forever) it's that my Heavenly Father knows me. He loves me. He is aware of me. Time and time again I'm reminded of that, and it always makes me cry...but a happy cry. A grateful cry. It's a goal of mine to personally try to be happy. All the time. Even if I have to fake it for a bit till I really believe it.

Anddd...since this was originally written 2 weeks ago...test update: I have gotten A's on all my tests, except 1 (and that one was a B)! (I have a theory on that...more to come later.)

fun.

No matter what kind of mood I'm in, lately this song has always put me in a good mood. The kind of mood that let's me just dance around my kitchen floor and sing at the top of my lungs. It's the best when it comes on the radio--Dan and I start jamming out in the car. It's quite a sight.

some nights.fun.

(**just a heads up at 3:51-mute it. just do it.)

After all, who wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun? (Shout out to AZ!!)

It's making this exhausted study sesh for the stats test much easier. At least in my head. Which seems like quite the chaotic and confusing place to be these days. 

I'm trying to find a good thought to put at the end of this, and nothing's coming. 

But the one thing that keeps coming back is gratitude. I'm grateful for this school I'm privileged to attend. I'm grateful for the knowledge and education I'm receiving here. I'm grateful for a school that teaches me to encompass Christ into my daily nursing practices. I'm grateful for the nurse I am becoming and the instructors who are teaching me to become better. I'm grateful for my Savior, and his hand in my life. It's everywhere, and lately I've noticed it that much more. I'm grateful for a Savior who truly understands me. And last, though certainly not least, I'm grateful for a husband who is so selfless and encouraging. He's my number one fan, and never lets me forget it. He's so in tune with the Spirit and always knows what to do...and when he doesn't, we figure it out together. I love him unconditionally, and it's growing more and more each day--more than I ever thought possible and more than I'll ever be able to express. 

Take away message: fun. & gratitude will turn your frown upside down  :]

The struggle bus

This week has been less than ideal...and it's only Tuesday. Let's just say for arguments sake that three tests in one week does not have the most promising and uplifting of outlooks. Too say it's quite daunting is the understatement of the year.

But all the same, this too shall pass. Because last time I checked, three tests in 6 days does not equate to the world ending. Before I know  it, Saturday will be here, and this hellish week will be a distant memory.
Unfortunately, not too distant.
The reality is, after this week, I have another test next week, and another one the week after.
At least those I will have some legitimate time to study for.

Yesterday (Monday) was a long day. Monday's are always long days. I'm at school from 8 am till 7 pm, but I'm over that much of it. Yesterday was an exceptionally long day. I didn't sleep all that well the night before, and I knew how much stress this week was holding in it's grimy little hands waiting to unleash upon me. I braved the day, much like I always do, and went to lab. This is where it starts to roll down hill.

We had to give all our shots again. No big. The time constraint...that was big. I had to prepare all the oral meds, calculate four doses, prepare and administer four shots in about 30-45 minutes. Now to all the experienced nurses out there, this is cake, child's play. But to the itty bitty little stressed out nursing student, this is slightly short of hell. Anyway, it came and went and was over, thank goodness. Only it wasn't. I'd forgotten to give one shot, so I hurried and grabbed the supplies, drew up the dosage and gave the shot. Fatal mistake.

I failed epically in that last 30 seconds before giving the injection. I pretty much committed a cardinal sin of nursing. I didn't check the expiration date on the vial. It was expired. In August. Fail fail fail.

Okay, so it wasn't fatal, but it's was pretty ridiculous. Thankfully it was only 0.9% sodium chloride in sterile saline, but still. It's the entire principle of the matter.

Here comes the kicker: we didn't even realize it was expired until 3 hours later. Thankfully (for embarrassment's sake) I wasn't the only one who'd administered the expired meds. Unfortunately, this called for an incident report--this pretty little pink paper that asks you what happened/who was hurt/what can be done to correct it in the future...blah blah blah. You get it.

Filled it out, turned it in. No harm done, except maybe to my bruised ego. It was just the culmination of everything and it turned Monday into one of those days where I really just can't wait to go home and be done with it all. Struggling. Seriously struggling. I need a break. STAT. Even if it's just a 3 day weekend. Something.

Today, I was hopeful, if only slightly so. I went to school, preparing full well for the stats test I have to take tonight (I'm determined to get all A's and pay no late fees on any tests this semester) and guess what gets brought up in class...the expired vials. I shouldn't be so sensitive because it wasn't just me who made the mistake, and if anything it was to help everyone else realize how easy mistakes are made and that we need to be more careful, blah blah blah. But it sucks, knowing that one of those people they're talking about it  you. It makes you feel like you have a sign across your forehead that says Hey it's me! I'm the one they're talking about! I'm the one who forgot to check the expiration date! It's an awkward feeling, and not one that I enjoy.

Thankfully, my instructor is THE BEST and after talking to her after class, she really reassured me that it's perfectly okay, and that all the incident report is is a formality IN CASE something happens, which hopefully it won't. Rough way to learn how to fill one of those baby's out.

Anyway, it's only Tuesday, and midday at that, and I'm riding the struggle bus...hard. Knocking stuff down left and right. Hopefully after this test is over, I'll feel a little less out of control and all over the place, but it's not likely.

Bahhh...when do I graduate again?!

Adventures in the Pumpkin Patch

This weekend, we went with our friends, the Bunkers, down to Santaquin to a pumpkin patch! It was quite the fun adventure. We were pulled in a trailer by a tractor to the patch and had so much fun sliding down the big slides, going through the box maze, and taking pictures in the cut outs of American Gothic. Yes, we were like a bunch of little kids let loose. It was great, and the perfect little relief for the weekend. I might go down there again just for the slides and maze after this week of hellishness is over (3 tests...boo).

Back to the happy part, it's best to tell in pictures:

Walking to the trailer...we're both pretty excited. (And conveniently matching in jeans and white v-necks...it's love I tell ya!)

Yes, that's the slide!! So fun!!

Dan and I went down the big one in a "train" and then he went down the small one again. It doesn't look like it, but he really was having a blast!

The pumpkin patch

So proud of our pumpkin :]

I just can't get enough of him! Especially w/ that smile.

Isn't that the prettiest pumpkin you've ever seen?!

You'd think with as many pictures that we took of it, the pumpkin was our kid or something

Just before we left..the clouds were rolling in

So funny story, the pumpkin had a dirt spot on it and I accidentally rubbed it all across my shirt. Hence, the sad face. Thankfully, it rubbed right off.

I definitely take it for granted, but I love holding his hand on car rides home.

We thank thee oh God for a Prophet

So this is already an amazing General Conference!

President Monson announced 2 new temples:
1. Tucson Arizona (That makes temple #6 in Arizona!!!!!)
2. Peru

And then, as if the Tucson Temple wasn't exciting enough, the age for missionaries was changed:
1. Men can go now at 18 instead of 19
2. Women can go now at 19 instead of 21

I am so so so excited and this is already turning into the most spiritually uplifting weekend. And it can only get better from here.

Happy Conference Weekend everyone :]

And if you want to watch it, here's the link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/october-2012-landing-page?lang=eng

"We thank thee, oh God, for a Prophet to guide us in these latter days."

How many fingers am I holding up?

The nursing exam is over. Thank goodness! And to make that even better, I got a 93% on the test! Woot woot!! After Dan picked me up from the test, we got some food and went to get sealant at Home Depot for our table!!! <--As you can see, I'm pretty significantly excited about this last one.

We get home and were super exhausted from the food, and when we get tired, we start giggling about all the silly little things in the world. And so ensued a tickle fight of sorts, which ended with more laughing. So then I was poking Dan in the chest (he had his eyes closed...supposedly) and he kept smacking my hand with his when I'd go to poke him. Then I realized he didn't really have his eyes closed, so I did the only logical thing there was to prevent this: put the pillow on his head.

And just to test and make sure he really couldn't see, I asked the question:
How many fingers am I holding up? (2)
Two.
How did you know?! Okay let's try again...How many fingers am I holding up? (4)
Four.

Now at this point I knew he just HAD to be looking! No one get's two guesses in a row right unless you can see! Well...he's a good guesser. Haha I really was a little freaked out because he got both of them right, but he definitely couldn't see through the pillows.

We started to watch a movie, and very very quickly, he fell asleep.

I love moments like this.

Grown up problems

Never mind that I'm supposed to take a nursing test in 2 hours, I needed to get this off my chest a little bit. Its been bugging me ever since it first started talking about it...yesterday.

Dan called from work (he just started a new job at a bank!!) and was asking me a few questions about the different benefits we wanted to use. One of them was life insurance.
Number 1. I've never even thought about it. We're young and healthy, and life insurance is for old people anyway. WRONG.
Number 2. I have no idea how much we would need because we really don't have a lot of expenses right now anyway. LEGITIMATE.
Number 3. I hate hate HATE dealing with big kid grown up issues because all the possibilities you're supposed to prepare for are too scary. IRRATIONAL...possibly.

So naturally I called my mom, because Dan only had a few minutes to talk (he was on his lunch break) before he had to get back to work. We talked about it, and I just got more and more creeped and nervous as we kept talking. I don't ever ever ever want to think about the possibility of Dan dying, not until we're old and decrepid and can't hardly get up out of our rocking chairs.

Unfortunately, you can't always bank on that hope, especially when the all too clear reality in this family stares you right in the face. It's already happened once. It's all just a little too real for me to think about sometimes. I don't know how anyone is supposed to make it through that, but they do. I've seen that one first hand, and she's one of THE strongest people I know. I love and admire her so so much.

But alas, it's time to grow up. I was able to figure out a little bit more what we would need so we could actually figure out a logical number that we should invest in. I still cringe at the thought of ever needing it at this point in our lives, but the fact of the matter is we never know when we're leaving this life, and luck (as it so happens) favors the prepared. I guess it's good to be a boy scout on this one (always be prepared).

That's my rant. Now I'll get back to studying.

Cross fit

Pinterest has given me a solution to combat all the delicious recipes I find on there. It might have just given me a way to exercise without feeling guilty that I should be studying instead (nursing school problems).

Welcome to future: http://calicrossfit.blogspot.com/

She's amazing (the mama that created this blog). I just did it today (actually got done 5 minutes ago), and although I'm embarrassed to admit it because it shows how out of shape I really am, I completed it all in 24:36. You're supposed to do it in 20 minutes or faster ideally, but I've got to start somewhere. The second 800 m was KILLER, but I walked some and pushed through the last 800 m.

Try it out, and let me know what you think of it!

Imagine

We're taking pictures in two weeks, and I could not be more ecstatic. I wish it would come faster...and much much sooner.

I hear this song though and all I can think about it taking cute romantic pictures with my handsome mister. The little still shots you see from old cameras...yeah those ones.

And I picture us walking through a big open field with the wind blowing. Maybe a field like this...

Incredibly romantic.

Nursing school...

...may be the death of me.

This is how I feel pretty much every day.

And then don't even get me started on the answers to tests...

They should put a warning label on the applications--NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.

Killing me slowly. And I still come back from school every day more excited about the things I've learned. It's just a little sick and wrong. And I'm loving every minute of it.

Except the ones where I'm up at 430 driving to Salt Lake...but that's another matter entirely.

MOTAB Pandora

I went for a jog last night as part of this new little lifestyle change I've started. It was great, just a quick 20 minute jog around the block. But as I turned the first corner, my Pandora switched from my upbeat/loud "Call Me Maybe" radio (don't judge...it's catchy) to MoTab. I looked down and almost changed it. I really have to get out of my own head to run, and didn't think MoTab would cut it, but for some reason I decided to just leave it. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe I could find some peace.

I definitely found the peace. It was way more relaxing than any run I've ever gone on. As I turned the last corner, pretty much a straight shot home, this song came on by Hilary Weeks. She's one of my favs to listen to on Sunday getting ready for Church.

This song hit home, not only to recognize the Savior's hand in my life, but also on a much deeper note. My grandma passed away Tuesday, very peacefully, and from what I've heard from my mom, she looked like she had just sat down in her chair to take a nap. This part makes me happy because she didn't suffer, and she was with my Grandpa again. But I don't think it really hit me until I was listening to that song last night. I just sat on my porch steps and cried for a minute. I miss that little lady. And if there's one thing I regret, it's not taking Dan over to see her when we were down in Arizona in February. I tell him so many stories about her, so hopefully that will suffice through this lifetime till he can meet her in the next.

Point being, the Lord's hand is in my life. He blesses me so tremendously and I don't say thank you enough. He knows what I need, and when I need it. How do you even begin to measure that kind of love?

Dig that hole a little deeper

Dan and I were looking at pictures of friends that have gotten married in the last few years. I'm not proud of this moment, but I accidentally made the comment that a few looked like they had put on a few pounds.
After all, who doesn't after you get married. It must be all that good home cooking.

Anyway, back to the story, so I asked Dan if he thought I looked chubbier since we've gotten married and this was his response:
Well...(pause)

I mean I see you everyday so I don't know!
Oh crap I just keep digging the hole...there's no way to fix this one.

Hahahahaha oh my goodness. So freaking funny. Like I'm still laughing about it.

PS. School has started, almost done with the first week, and we're still surviving. We have a bed, dresser, and 2 night stands, and we're almost all the way unpacked (thanks to Dan--I've pretty much jumped ship as far as the unpacking extravaganza is concerned. Blame it on nursing school). We love love love our new little home, our ward, and the area we're living it. It could not have worked out better. I might, dare I say, just kind of love it here...and that's saying something, especially for Utah.

Be HAPPY. Be.

There's no greater misery than to recall the time when we were happy. -Dante

I was talking to my sister today, and she read me this quote. It got me thinking. A lot.
For her, she was thinking on the side of making bad choices/addictions/etc, that kind of stuff that doesn't make you happy, and actually (in my opinion) takes you to quite the opposite end...misery.

For me, the thought immediately came to my mind of my marriage, and my relationship with Dan. And when I was thinking about that, I realized that looking back on the times where we weren't the happiest (mind you, these are brief instances) that it makes me sad, and at the risk of sounding cheesy, it breaks my heart. It literally aches when I think about it.

In light of this thought, I made a decision that I am going to be happy. Just be happy. HAPPY.

I don't want to look back on my life in misery because I didn't make the choice right NOW to be happy.
I don't want to be miserable when I think back on the life I've lived.

I WANT to be HAPPY.
I WANT to look back and remember that we LAUGHED. A lot.
I WANT to reflect on my life and SMILE because it's been a good life.
I WANT to remember that Dan and I LOVE each other. And that it's a FOREVER love.

I want to be happy, and to remember that we are happy TOGETHER. FOREVER&EVER.

He knows me

A couple of days ago, well more like the last week, has felt like climbing the mountain of trials and challenges. I won't bore you with the details, but it had just been a rough couple of days. So I remembered that I hadn't read my scriptures and decided that I really needed to read them. It had been one of those days where I just didn't quite know how we would make it through this one. Not going to lie, I felt like, in that moment, that my Heavenly Father had forgotten about me a little bit, and I felt myself losing a little bit of faith. (I was pretty emotional at the time...hence the irrational thoughts/feelings).
I came across this scripture while I was reading:

But that ye have patience, and bear with all those

afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day

rest from all your afflictions.

-Alma 34:41

I have heard of people having the experiences where they flip open the scriptures and the answer to their challenge/question/trial, but I've never had that happen to me. This time it did. And I was extremely grateful for it.

It reminded me more than anything to have patience, and more importantly, hope. That one day all this will be over, and one day I will find eternal rest and peace.

To make it that much better, when one door closed, the window opened, and we're going to make it.

And to make it THAT much more better (yes...more better) I have this guy by my side each and every day to help me through anything that comes our way.
I know that with him, we can get through anything.
There's no one else I'd rather have by my side than him, and I know my Heavenly Father knew that I would need him.
I still say that I'm so grateful to this day that He and I agreed on him.

 5.13.11: Best decision I ever made.

TWO ONE

Yesterday was birthday number TWENTY ONE.
Old much? Not really.
Recap:
Breakfast/brunch at the Original Pancake House.
Work.
That's about all I got in yesterday.

So I worked until about 9/930 when all the salesman were finished selling, and as each of them texted me their futures and that they were done, I got a "Happy Birthday" of some sorts with it. It definitely made me smile, and made working on my birthday that much better. And, since I turned 21 and can legally buy alcohol, there were a few of the salesman making comments about shots.
One said he owed me a shot of REAL Mexican tequila.
I politely rainchecked.
One said I had to do Jager bombs, or no dice.
To this I replied that between the bombs and tequila, it looked like I'd be pretty hammered in the morning.
One said he would even buy me my first round.

The best part was, all of these salesmen are LDS, so even though I knew the shots/bombs/tequila was all a joke, it was still quite funny.

Dan picked me up, and we went home and made dinner.
Well he made dinner. It was delicious.
Pork Chops. Yum!

But before dinner, when we walked into the apartment, he said he had a surprise for me. Well...it was these beauties...

Yepp, he knows me all too well. My heart just melts for sunflowers!
So back to dinner, he had pork chops and a salad for dinner. It was so exciting to have everything all done up and pretty for it.

And he had croissant rolls baking in the oven to go with it! Soooo yummy!!

And dinner was completed with my favorite...RED VELVET CAKE!
Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture with the baked/frosted cake. So the mixings will have to do.

To make things EVEN better, Jen and Braxton came by, and brought me the sweetest treat ever! Seriously, these were the best cupcakes I've EVER had. EVER. They were chocolate (already a winner) with chocolate frosting and strawberry slices (double winner) with cheesecake in the middle. SCORE!!!

It was the best birthday yet...and I told Dan that this was quite the accomplishment because my mom through me a surprise party for my 16th, and I was totally shocked. So major accomplishment/props to him.

Birthday picture. Love him.

And just because I love his face SOOOO much...I want to remember this face forever.

Thank you for making my birthday so special. I love you!!

It's mah berfday

BIRTHDAY: 21

This morning was perfect. Dan didn't go to correlation and just stayed in bed with me. Then COERCED me to get up so we could go get brunch. So maybe coerced is a little harsh. He didn't have to try too hard. Rylee called me around 8 this morning and I probably sounded half dead. Haha. But it was sweet of her to call me and tell me happy birthday. I got flooded with text messages, and facebook wall posts. This girl feels LOVED for sure. So THANK YOU!!

Day started out with the phone call from Rylee. Then Dan and I got dressed, watch some more Olympic videos, and got ready for brunch.

We went to the Original Pancake House. So. Delicious.
Seriously, the BEST. PANCAKES. EVER. EVERRRR.
Like I had 3 of them and wanted more. That good. According to the menu, they were buttermilk.
I'm going to find the recipe online and make them. So good.

Then came the photo shoot of sorts. That will come later.
And now I'm at work. Which has been slow and easy, thank goodness.
I'm definitely looking forward to birthday dinner. Dan keeps asking me what I want, and I definitely don't know.
I'm excited.
The rest will come tomorrow.

PHOTO SHOOT:

He makes this face pretty regularly.

And this one too...

 

He's so cute. I just love him.

This one is probably my ultimate fav. You have me being the bad A, and I'm just not quite sure what Dan is doing, but it's funny nonetheless.

This is the ULTIMATE fav.

He does this a lot too. Seriously reminds me of my dad when he does this. And my mom can attest...she says in half of their wedding pictures, his tongue is sticking out.

The best friend/husband/man a girl could ever ask for.

I'm the lucky one.

Sunday afternoons on the beach

Yesterday afternoon was exactly what Dan and I needed. This summer has been rough, albeit rewarding, but definitely a struggle on all fronts. It's been so busy and so go go go that honestly I can't believe I'm going back to school in 2 weeks. FLOWN by!

So yesterday after Church, we came home, ate some lunch, watched some Olympics highlights, and then we headed out. There's this lake/reservoir out in Westminster and Dan had been there for a lunch break a few weeks earlier when he was selling out there. It was so awesome becuase they ahve this little parking lot just off the main road that you can park and walk into the reservoir. Best part: you don't have to pay!!

Now I don't know about you, but swimming on Sunday was a "no-no" when I was growing up. Dan on the other hand, things were a little different. They'd go to the beach after Church...and when at the beach, you go swimming. So we compromised at wading in the water.

It was super relaxing and a BEAUTIFUL day outside. PERFECT in fact. The sand was soft and the water was somewhat warm. That (for lack of a better word) perfect water. It was the best thing for Dan and I to just have a few minutes together, and to be outside, and to relax. Just about the PERFECT remedy for a LESS THAN perfect summer.

Back to Provo in a couple weeks. I'm kind of excited about it actually. SURPRISINGLY.

I love him. FOREVER.

THE END.